


In A Day or Two

by thatcrazywriterley



Category: All Elite Wrestling, Being The Elite (Web Series), kenny omega - Fandom
Genre: AEW - Freeform, Chance Meeting, F/M, Fluff, Romance, being the elite - Freeform, guy meets girl, lots of Japanese, maybe smut?, nerd stuff, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-01-23 08:41:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 47,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21317317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatcrazywriterley/pseuds/thatcrazywriterley
Summary: Shaye Walker has finally gotten the chance to take a vacation somewhere she's never been. When she ends up in Tokyo and has a chance meeting with Kenny Omega, her three months in Japan begin to take a turn that she could never have expected.
Relationships: Kenny Omega/OFC, Kenny Omega/Shaye Walker
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

_(GIF owned by balorsomega on Tumblr)_

Nervousness turned my stomach inside out as I stepped from the train and looked around me. People passed by, some of them looking at me sideways, others grumbling beneath their breath in a language I didn’t know. My feet fumbled as I grabbed my rolling suitcase and walked toward the exit of the station, slightly relieved that the signs were translated into English.

It had been my own bright idea to take a trip to somewhere I’d never been. A dart flung at a map and a series of paperwork for a visa and passports. My parents had been a hard sell, but they’d finally agreed to give me a few months to “find myself” as my mother put it. One of my father’s business contacts had offered to let me take the apartment he had in the city. I had enough savings to pay for everything, and, since I worked for my family’s company, I was able to take some time off.

Surprisingly, the train was on time. I wasn’t used to that. Most of the time, back home, the trains were half an hour to forty-five minutes late. Religiously. I’d made all my plans under the assumption that I couldn’t trust the train schedule. It was discombobulating to actually see the time on the clock match the time on the printed schedule in my hand, one that—after taking a second look—was last updated two years ago.

Rain pattered against the window as I stood in the lobby of the train station. There was an umbrella somewhere in my bags, but I couldn’t remember where and I got the feeling that I was already annoying the people around me. I had the address of the place I was staying and a map of the city streets, but I didn’t have a good sense of directions with a GPS so doing it without one was going to be difficult to say the least. Especially in the rain.

There were people standing in the lobby of the station in crisp uniforms and black caps. Clearly, they were the station masters. I was used to station masters who didn’t really care, so I was surprised when one of them came over to me with a worried smile. He stopped in front of me and gave a slight bow from the waist.

“_Tasukete kuremasen ka?_”

I felt the first slap of culture shock. In theory, it was easy to understand that I would be in a country whose language I didn’t understand. In theory, it was easy to say that I wanted to experience their culture and that I didn’t expect them to speak in English. In practice, it made me feel stupid. And more anxious than I could ever remember being.

There was a phrasebook saved on my phone, but my fingers were shaking so hard that I couldn’t get it to unlock. I was on the verge of tears, but I was trying hard to keep them back. The fear was starting to set in—the thought that I’d made a huge mistake.

Before I could respond, a voice rose up in the space beside me. It was friendly, even as it spoke in rapid-fire Japanese. “_Kanojo wa Amerika kara otozureta watashi no yūjindesu. Kanojo o mitsukete kurete arigatō._”

The station master bowed in return and stepped away, quickly engaging with a group of young boys all dressed in what was clearly a school uniform. I felt another flash of fear, this time at being completely at the whim of someone I didn’t know and would possibly be unable to understand.

“The first few days are the hardest,” the voice said. I turned to find the voice belonged to a guy in a fitted white t-shirt with a backpack over his shoulder. His hair was the most striking thing about him, beautifully curly, shaved close on the sides, and dyed a mismatch of black and platinum blond. “Need some help?”

The sound of English made the fear race out of me so quickly that it made me dizzy. I thought for a moment that I was going to pass out. “Yes!” I said, nearly shouting. Heat rushed into my face as I realized how desperate I sounded.

The stranger smiled and held out his hand. “Kenny.”

I took his rough fingers with my own. “Shaye.”

His smile was kind. It made his eyes crinkle. It radiated friendliness. “Nice to meet you, Shaye. Where can I help you get to?”

I knew that I let out a sigh of relief, which made me go slightly dizzy. “I need to figure out how to get here.” I held out my phone with the address of my temporary home.

He laughed. “That’s in the Katsushika ward. Come with me, and I’ll get you a taxi.”

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and grabbed onto the rest of my bags. He waved me away, taking one of them and dragging it along behind him, even as he had his own large suitcase. We swept out onto the rain-soaked sidewalk toward the taxi stand. A man appeared at the back of the first taxi in the line, opening the trunk and waiting.

“_Kyō wa doko ni tsurete ikimasu ka?_”

Kenny gave him a quick nod before he responded. It was hard to follow the rapid-fire Japanese as it passed between the two men. Before I knew it, I was being guided into the back of the taxi as the driver packed my suitcases in the trunk. Kenny leaned into the taxi and handed me a slip of paper.

“He’ll drop you off right in front of your building. It won’t be hard from there.” He smiled again as I closed my fingers around the slip of paper. “I’m in the same neighborhood. You’ll love it.”

For a moment, a thump of worry spread through me. Here I was in a strange country, knowing no one, having met this guy and showed him exactly where I was staying. There was a good chance that I had already put myself into a fool’s amount of danger. But there was something about him that made me feel like I could trust him.

“If you’re in the same neighborhood, why don’t we share the taxi? Since we’re both going the same way.”

He glanced at his bags on the sidewalk and then back at me. “Are you sure? I don’t mind getting my own ride.”

I smiled and nodded. “Really, you’ve been so helpful. I insist.”

For a moment, he clearly second guessed himself. Then he turned to the driver, who was still waiting on the curb, and spoke to him in quiet tones. A few seconds later, Kenny was sliding into the backseat of the taxi beside me.

Heat rushed into my face. I was more than glad that my complexion didn’t show a blush very well because I knew, if I could, I would be bright red. We both sat stiffly, backpacks held in our laps.

“You’re really fluent,” I said into the quiet just as the driver got in and pulled away from the curb. “In Japanese. I mean.”

Kenny smiled. “Well, I’ve lived here for a really long time. You kind of pick it up after a while.”

I nodded, feeling stupid for saying it. He shrugged and leaned back into his seat. Rain splattered the windows as we wove through traffic.

“How long are you going to be in Tokyo?” he asked at last, breaking the silence.

“Just a few months. I talked my parents into helping me out so I could take a… vacation of sorts.”

His brows shot up just as his eyes went wide. “Parents? Huh.”

“It’s not like that… I’m twenty-eight. But I work with a friend of the family and they’re basically paying for me to stay here while I’m not working.” It was embarrassing to say it out loud. Like I was some poor little rich girl who got to travel the world whenever they felt like it. “I mean, I’ve saved up a good amount myself, but they’re helping.”

“What made you pick Tokyo?”

I couldn’t meet his eyes… ones that I realized now were a bright and crystal blue. “A dart.”

He laughed, and I couldn’t help but laugh right along.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_(Give owned by balorsomega on Tumblr)_

The taxi pulled up outside of a high-rise apartment building made of pale white concrete. I glanced at the address on the sign just outside, double checking and confirming that it was the right one. The rain had let up on the drive, making me a little less anxious about getting out into the street.

Kenny smiled, his eyes crinkling as the corners of his lips turned upward. “It’s nice to meet you, Shaye Walker,” he said, turning his body and passing a slip of paper to me between his first and second fingers. “If you need anything, let me know.”

I took the paper from him, my fingertips slipping over his, feeling the rough skin on the pads of his fingers. “I… uh… I appreciate that.”

He shrugged a little, the motion making his curls bounce. “Consider me your Japanese welcome wagon.”

A smile worked its way over my lips as I dug into my wallet to pay for my part of the trip. But Kenny waved his hand. “I’ve got it. _Nihon e yōkoso_, Shaye Walker.”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little, even though I didn’t understand what he just said. I tried desperately to remember how to say thank you or goodbye or anything. Embarrassingly, I couldn’t come up with a single Japanese phrase. By the time I decided to just say it in English, the driver had placed my bags on the sidewalk beside me, shut the back door, and already pulled away from the curb.

It took a few minutes to get my things inside and up to my home away from home for the next few months. It was smaller than I’d expected, but not by much. There was a three-seater sofa, a flat screen TV, small coffee table, and a dinette in the main room. A kitchen was set off to the right with a fridge, dishwasher, stove, and sink. The cabinets were glass-fronted with stainless steel handles. At the end of a short hallway there were two doors. On the left was the bathroom complex—powder room with sink and washer/dryer combo, then the bathtub and shower with a separate room for the toilet. To the right was the bedroom with its desk and walk-in closet.

I took half an hour or so to unpack and put away my clothes. After hours on the flight and feeling so lost when I finally arrived in the city, it was nice to do something that helped me feel a little more at home. Once that was done, I tucked the suitcases in the back of the closet and went in search of something to eat. The fridge was empty, but there were several takeout menus stuck to the front with magnets. While I was determined to try the regular Japanese cuisine, I was honestly craving something more comforting.

Some good old greasy American food.

Glad that I’d set up my phone on the train ride from the airport, I took a minute to find an app that had something close to what I would find at home. A few taps and questions later, and I had McDonald’s on the way. All that was left was to settle in and let the knowledge that I was in a foreign country for three straight months finally sink in.

I let myself fall onto the sofa and take the first calm breath that I had taken since I started this whole adventure. I closed my eyes for a moment, surprised by the near silence even with the people walking, talking, and driving outside. There was something peaceful about it, and I began to think that I could enjoy my time in Tokyo.

To my surprise, one moment I was thinking of the faint sounds of the ward outside and the next I was awakened by the sound of buzzing. It took a few seconds for me to realize that it was the doorbell. My brain was a little foggy as I struggled to my feet and jumped toward the door. The scent of greasy fries and burgers hit me as soon as I swung it open, revealing a young woman in a red polo and black cap.

I stuttered, trying to think, to remember the simplest thing. The girl stood politely while I struggled to get my words out. It took me two minutes to figure out how to say thank you.

The girl smiled gently before turning and disappearing down the hallway. Feeling slightly uncouth, I took my taste of home back into the apartment and proceeded to eat until I couldn’t take another bite.

~Ω~

The first night was the hardest. There was this strange sensation of feeling out of place. I woke up in the early hours of the morning completely disoriented, unaware of where I was or the time. Jet lag had fully set in, and my body couldn’t get a grasp on whether it should be asleep or awake. I tried to go back to sleep, but ended up staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours.

By the time the sun actually came up, I was already showered and dressed in leggings and a long, well worn sweatshirt. I slipped my phone into my pocket—after making sure that I had a grocery list—and tamed my hair back in a loose bun. The building was quiet as I slipped out of my new apartment and down onto the street.

People walked by briskly, each with polite smiles and clear directions for their day. A car slipped along the street every now and then, although bicycle travel seemed to be much more common. I gave myself a few moments to watch the action of the city suburb, surprised to find that it was much like those at home. Sure, the architecture was a little different, but the feel was the same.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and turned in one direction, hoping that I would find what I was looking for without too much trouble. I’d looked up the location of the nearest grocery store before I’d left. I could only hope that, eventually, I would end up somewhere close. Or, at least, not totally die trying to find food.

A short walk led me to what I could only describe as an indoor strip mall. It was a long gallery covered with a series of skylights. People milled about, going from one hole in the wall place to the next. I looked around, feeling a little terrified that the signs were in Japanese. And I had no clue about how to find someone to help.

“We meet again, Shaye-san.” I turned to find Kenny not far away, browsing a bin of second-hand books. “It’s a small neighborhood.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised when I felt a rush of relief at his presence. Like seeing an old friend after years of disconnection. “Oh, thank God, it’s you.”

He gave me a slow smile—one that started with a curve of the corners of his lips and ended with a teeth-flashing grin that made his eyes crinkle—and bowed just like I’d seen the station master do the day before. “So you’ve found the Shinkowia.”

“Please tell me I can buy food here. While I like having the option to have McDonald’s delivered, I don’t want to spend everything I have on delivery. I have to stock up my kitchen.” I fiddled with my phone in my pocket, somehow inexplicably nervous with him around. I noticed that his curls looked a little thicker, with something like a little more spring in them than they had the day before.

Kenny tilted his head in indication for me to follow him. “You can get basically anything you need at Shinkowia. You just have to know where to look.”

I followed along in his wake, having to jog a little to keep up with his long strides. He must have sensed my discomfort since he started—there was no other word for it—dawdling. Kenny walked either with his hands deep in his pockets or with his arms crossed over his chest. Either way, it didn’t hide the pure broadness of his figure. He clearly stood out, even without the two-toned curls.

“I’m sorry to take up your time,” I said swiftly. My heart jumped into my throat. “I’m starting to feel like this whole thing was a very bad idea.”

Kenny shook his head. “Don’t give up on it yet. It really is a wonderful place.” He stopped in front of a stall that seemed to overflow with produce. Smooth Japanese slipped out as he bowed his head to the shopkeeper. They exchanged what I assumed were pleasantries. Somewhere in the conversation, I heard _Shaye-san_ and perked up.

Putting on my best smile, I bowed to the shopkeeper—straight from the waist, just like I’d seen in all the protocol tutorial videos. She tilted her head in response, saying what I hoped was just hello.

She spoke for a moment. Kenny nodded and turned to me. “She’d like to know what you’re looking for.”

By the time we’d walked from one end of the shopping arcade to the other, I had enough food to make sure that I could survive the next few days. Kenny insisted on carrying my purchases, a kindness to which I replied, “_Arigatō_, Kenny-san,” and was rewarded with another wide, eye scrunching smile.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_(GIF owned by leelakoiwoffs on Tumblr)_

“This… is… _amazing_,” I hummed, holding the cup close to my chest. It was just strong enough to get caffeine flooding into my veins. But it was creamy and slightly sweet. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had coffee this good.

Kenny lifted his brows in what I assumed was an _I told you so_. He sat back in his chair, one hand outstretched, fingers wrapped around his cup of coffee, wrist balancing on the edge of the table. Once I glanced at them, I couldn’t look away from his hands. He had graceful, long fingers that I would have bet money saw a manicure at least once a month. There were places where I could just make out the roughness of callouses. It was a mesmerizing thing to just watch his fingers bend and flex as he turned his coffee in slow circles on the table.

“Are you okay, Shaye-san?” he queried with a worried tone.

I glanced up into his ice blue eyes and saw the furrow between his dirty blond brows. He’d stopped toying with his cup. Instead, he’d splayed his hands out, fingertips against the tabletop as he reached toward me.

My heart started racing in my chest, afraid that I’d been caught staring. “I’m sorry, this coffee is just so good.”

His look made me think that he didn’t quite believe me, but I’d known him less than four hours so I couldn’t tell for sure. He flattened his palm against the table, tapping his thumb in a slow rhythm. “Vietnamese coffee is like that. You get hooked pretty fast. At least, I did. There’s just something about it.”

Something in how he pronounced _about_ caught my attention. I felt one brow start to rise. “You said you’d lived in Tokyo for a long time. Where did you live before that?”

“A few places. But I’m a Japanese citizen nowadays.”

I took another sip of my coffee, nodding. “How much time did you spend in Canada?”

His brows lifted towards his curls as a grin curved his mouth. “I was born in Winnipeg.”

Heat rushed into my face even as I lifted my cup to my lips once again. “I knew there was something _aboot_ you.” I made sure that I exaggerated the sound of the word, trying to make it sound as cartoonish as possible.

Kenny laughed, hard enough to bend him back in his chair. His curls bounced as his head fell backward. I caught myself staring at the line of his throat, the brown and blond scruff that started just above his Adam’s apple. Something warm and playful settled in my chest at the sight.

“It’s the one thing,” he replied at last. “I’ve lost almost all of the rest of the accent, but that one just seems to stick around.”

I grinned back, leaning forward to rest my arms on the tabletop. “It’s such a small world.”

“Why do you say that?” Kenny matched my posture. He was suddenly a foot away from me, the blue of his eyes brighter and more intricate at the short distance.

I breathed in deep and slow. There was a faint scent of soap and shampoo around him. It made me feel giddy. “I was born while my parents were on one of my father’s business trips. In Winnipeg.”

“No fucking way,” he breathed. His hands distracted me as he balled up his fist and rested his chin on it. “Some people might think it’s destiny that we ran into each other yesterday.”

A smile played on the corners of my mouth. “I don’t believe in destiny. Do you?”

He pointed at me, his fingers splayed out and moving like silk flowing in a breeze. I couldn’t help but watch the swoop and flow of his hands as he talked. “Under normal circumstances, I’d say no. But you…” His first two fingers skimmed gently along the edge of his bottom lip.

It was distracting. I hoped he didn’t notice.

“You’re making me question that, Shaye-san.”

~Ω~

I sat in front of the television with a bowl of cereal in my hand, munching happily as I streamed one of my favorite shows. After the walk to the shopping gallery and back—the return trip laden with a variety of purchases—I was exhausted. I put away the groceries and changed into my most comfortable lounging clothes. Then I busted into my new food and decided that I was going to veg out for the rest of the day.

My phone rang about twenty minutes into the episode. I smiled at my mother’s photo on the screen. Sitting my bowl on the coffee table, I swiped to answer the call and sank back onto the sofa.

“Hi, Mama,” I said lazily, surprised at how clear the connection was. “How’s New York?”

The sound of my mother’s laugh was a touch of home. “Overcrowded and noisy. How are you settling in?”

I took a deep breath and spilt the entire story. The good and the bad. As I told my mother about navigating Tokyo and shopping gallery, I found myself purposely leaving Kenny out of the tale. For some reason, I didn’t want to share him with her.

“Are you homesick yet?”

“Almost from the time the plane landed.” I switched the phone to speaker and sat it on the cushion so I could finish my food. “But I’m adjusting. And, Mama, why are you awake at 12:30 in the morning?”

“Your brother.”

We talked for almost twenty minutes, my mom catching me up on everything that had happened since I’d flown out of La Guardia. My younger brother had apparently gotten caught in some trouble at school, and my father had left just beforehand for London for a trip.

“Have you heard anything from—” A faint _ping_ caught my attention just as a text message popped up on the screen. I didn’t recognize the number, but the message was clear. _Shaye-san, let me know if you want to see the real Tokyo. It’s your destiny! Kenny_

“Shaye?”

It took a moment for the sound of my mother’s voice to filter into my brain. I’d given him my number before we parted ways after that amazing Vietnamese coffee. Still, it was surprising to see him actually contact me.

“Shaye!”

I jumped, surprised by my mother’s voice. “Yeah, yeah, sorry, Mama. Let me know how things go with Damon. And tell Daddy I hope he has a safe trip and closes that big deal.”

My mother said her love and goodbyes, although she sounded a little worried. I felt guilty for hurrying off the first contact I’d had with home since the plane had taken off in New York. But there was something electric about the inkling that our chance meetings might be the start of a friendship during my time in Japan.

I finished my food quickly, took the time to wash the bowl and spoon and put it away before I picked up my phone again to respond. In the time it had taken me to do all that—and it was probably no longer than five or ten minutes—another message had come in. _Or not. It’s no big deal._

A smile settled on my face as I sank back onto the sofa, my phone clutched in my hands. I had a sudden flash of high school and the nerves I would feel when talking to a cute boy. Kenny was cute, and I had no shame in thinking it. He was cute and, from what I knew of him so far, incredibly sweet and funny.

_Who am I to fight destiny?_ I typed back, feeling my pulse begin to skip. Grinning like a fool, I hugged the phone to my chest and curled back up to finish my show.

Another _ping_ pulled me out of my reverie. _You name the day and time. I’ll even bring more coffee. _

My fingers moved faster than my brain. By the time I made sense of what I’d written, it was too late.

_ It’s a date._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_(GIF owned by leelakoiwoffs on Tumblr)_

I leaned against the wall just outside the door of my building, fiddling nervously with my phone. It was late afternoon on my third full day in Tokyo. I’d spent the day before walking around the ward to get a sense of direction and to see what my temporary home had to offer. My body clock was still adjusting to the fourteen-hour shift, but I was slowly pushing my way back to a normal schedule. The catnaps and ward walks were helping.

Movement to my left caught my attention. When I looked up, I saw Kenny walking down the street toward me. The first day we met, I hadn’t paid attention to what he was wearing since I was just happy someone spoke English. The second time we ran into each other, he’d been in a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt. Now, I couldn’t help but feel giddy at how attractive he looked.

He wore a white Henley sweater that hugged his arms and shoulders and tapered down to his waist. The front tail of it was tucked into his waistband behind the silver buckle of his belt. His jeans were ripped in the right thigh and the left knee, and they looked relaxed and well-worn. There was a small black messenger bag strapped over his chest. His two-toned curls bounced as he walked. Mirrored aviators hid his blue eyes from the sun.

“Hey, Shaye-san,” Kenny greeted as he closed the distance between us on the sidewalk. His hands were tucked into his pockets, making his biceps look bigger in the Henley. “You ready?”

I stepped away from the wall, nervously brushing at my clothes. At least I didn’t look underdressed based on what he had on. “Be kind to me, Kenny-san. I’ve never been to an honest-to-goodness arcade before.”

He gestured for me to go ahead of him. “You’ll love it. I promise.”

We walked in silence for a few minutes, both of us meandering along on the sidewalk. I was strangely aware of his presence close by. In a way, he reminded me of a guy I knew in college. We’d been best friends the entire time, and, when he got married a year after graduation, he’d asked me to be his “best gal” at the wedding. I had the sudden strange urge to snap a picture of Kenny and send it to him just to get his opinion. It was funny that I didn’t want to talk to my mother about Kenny, but sharing the knowledge of him with my old friend was perfectly comfortable.

The thought made me laugh quietly. Kenny must have noticed, as he gently bumped my shoulder. “What’s so funny?”

I glanced up, aware keenly of how tall he was. He had to be an easy five or six inches taller than me, which put him around six feet if I had to guess. “I was just thinking that you remind me of one of my guy friends back home.”

“Hmm. Tell me about him.” He slowed his pace to a little.

My lips tipped upward into a smile as I looked up at the sky. “Ned is something else, and that’s the easiest way to put it. Well… his name is Edward, but everybody’s called him Ned since I can remember. We met in college. I remember one time, a few months after we met in freshman year, that I went camping with him and his family. Like, the whole deal—tents and fishing and all of it. I grew up in New York City, so I’d never done anything like that before. It was amazing.”

He let out a faint hum in recognition. “Is he cute?”

“As a button,” I replied, swiping my phone open and going straight through my photo gallery to a photo of Ned from a recent dinner. I turned the screen toward Kenny so he could see.

“Agreed.” He tucked his hands deeper into his pockets. “How come he didn’t come with you?”

I looked at my companion, feeling my brows merge in confusion. “Why would he?” Before Kenny could respond, it clicked in my brain. I tried very hard not to laugh at him. “We’re not _a thing_. He’s married. He’s, like, my best friend. But that’s it.”

Kenny smiled sheepishly, color burning on his cheeks. “I just assumed…”

My eyes rolled so hard that I thought they would be stuck in the back of my head. “If you wanted to know if I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, all you had to do was ask.”

“Well, I mean, I _did_ just meet—wait, _girl_friend?”

I shrugged. “Hey, girls are pretty awesome too.”

Something about that response struck him into silence. I hoped that the silence didn’t mean that I’d upset him or made him feel uncomfortable. Honestly, it was just that I wasn’t very good at meeting new people.

“Here we are,” Kenny spoke up after a long while of silence. We were standing on the sidewalk outside a tall building with neon signs on the outside. An automatic door swooshed open as we walked in, filling the space around me with the air-conditioned noise of change machines, prize drops, and dance music.

“Holy shit,” I breathed as I glanced around at the game systems that spread out in every direction. “Arcades definitely don’t look like this in New York.”

Kenny smiled and put his arm around my back hovering just over the base of my spine, but he didn’t touch me. Still, it made my heart pick up its pace. The presence of his hand was enough to guide me into the building and off the tiled aisle onto a carpeted area littered with every type of game known to man. I looked at the game closest to me, surprised to find that it was skee-ball.

“I know that one!” I exclaimed, twisting to look up at him. What I saw was slightly breathtaking. He’d removed the sunglasses and hung them from the collar of his Henley. Even in the lower light of the arcade, his eyes were bright and wide. They crinkled a little at the corners as he smiled, flashing white teeth and something like dimples but not quite.

“Just a second,” Kenny said, digging his wallet out of his pocket. He grabbed some cash and stepped over to a change machine. The coins clattered out and Kenny swept them up in his nimble fingers. He turned around and held out a handful to me. “Loser buys dinner?”

“Done,” I grinned, cupping my hands so that he could spill a portion of the coins into them. I pushed some into my pocket and palmed the others as I reached out, snatched Kenny by the wrist, and began pulling him toward the skee-ball game.

Dropping my coins into the machine, I quickly swept my hair back into a knot. As the balls rattled down the chute, I glanced over to see Kenny pulling his sleeves up his forearms. He picked up his first shot, holding the ball balanced with his thumb and forefinger. I took up mine, turning it over and over in my palm.

Lights flashed and the sound of a bell triggered the start of the round. I didn’t dare look at Kenny. Instead, I focused on picking up balls and flinging them up the ramp into rings as quickly as I could. The first few ended up in the 10-point spot, but I got lucky with a few in the 500. What felt like five seconds later, a buzzer went off.

I turned to see Kenny looking sheepish. “Sorry,” he shrugged.

“Best two out of three?” I quipped, knowing full well that I probably wasn’t going to win.

~Ω~

I slid into the booth across from Kenny, feeling warm and winded after playing what felt like every game in the arcade. He leaned his cheek against his palm, elbow propped on the edge of the table, and gave me a look that was somehow hazy around the edges. Flustered, I looked anywhere but at him. My eyes landed on the plastic laminated menu, searching the pictures to find something—anything—that I would want to eat.

“What’s good here?” I asked, trying to hide the tremor in my voice.

“I always get the _yakitori_,” he replied, his beautifully unique fingers tapping on the menu over a picture of what looked like a kebab. “It’s fantastic. Trust me.”

“Hmm, trust you?” I made the mistake of glancing up. Kenny was watching me with a slight tilt to his lips. I tried not to think of how attractive he was. “I mean, you _did_ set me up in the arcade. How was I to know you were going to mop the floor with me?”

“Well, my friends _do_ call me ‘The Cleaner’ so…” He leaned back in the booth. I felt his feet bump into mine as he stretched out his legs. “But I haven’t steered you wrong on anything important, Shaye-san.”

I pushed the menu away, knowing I was going to follow his advice anyway. “You call me ‘Shaye-san.’ Am I being rude by not calling you ‘Kenny-san?’”

He shook his head and sent his curls bouncing. “If it bothers you, I’ll stop.”

“I didn’t say that.”

Kenny bumped his feet into mine again, this time it felt intentional.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_(GIF owned by leelakoiwoffs on Tumblr)_

I curled my feet up beneath me, smiling as I tilted forward, leaning my elbows on the edge of the table. Kenny sat back in the corner of the booth with his arm stretched along the back of the seat. He smiled in a crooked way and scratched at the scruff along his cheek. I could hear the faint sound of sandpaper-like scraping as he did it.

“So, what _exactly_ do you do, Kenny?” I questioned.

He looked away for a moment, the smile fading just a little. “I… uh… I’m a wrestler actually.”

I felt my brows lift. “You any good?”

He laughed, his face going a little red around the cheeks. He glanced down, blue eyes going a little sad as he shifted back into a more formal position. I had the faint impression that I had insulted or upset him somehow.

“Some people think so. Others… not so much.”

Something like sadness spread over me. I didn’t know what to do. It was like this wall had slipped down around him, like he’d purposefully shut himself off from me.

“I didn’t mean to insult you. I’m not familiar with—” I replied quietly, somehow folding back into myself. “I’m sorry.”

Discomfort spread through me. I had no clue where in the city I was or how exactly to get back to my apartment, but I knew that I couldn’t stay there. Not after I’d insulted him and his job and made myself look like a fool. At least I had enough cash on me to get a taxi back home.

I took a deep breath and dug what I hoped was enough to cover my obligation of dinner. My fingers shook as I dropped the money on the table.

“I’m really sorry that I insulted or offended you, Kenny.” I slid out of the booth and tried to force a smile. “I’ve really enjoyed meeting you. Getting to know you.”

For some strange reason, I felt the urge to cry bubble up inside me as I walked to the door. I had this strange sense of self-hatred that I couldn’t quite explain. It was like being in high school and getting rejected in front of the entire student body. Embarrassment and shame and a general sensation of panic fought a war in my chest.

Why was I getting so stressed out about this? I’d only known Kenny for a day—two at most—and yet I felt the loss of him as if he’d been part of my life for a million times that.

Before I could reach the door, fingers slipped gently around my wrist. They were long and slender with roughened pads of callouses on the ends. I knew he could feel my pulse racing beneath his touch.

“Shaye…” As soon as he said my name, he let go as if I’d burned him. “I’m sorry. That kind of caught me off guard. It’s…”

I turned back toward him, feeling conscious of the eyes in the restaurant on us. I didn’t look up. I knew that the second that I looked him in the eye, I would start crying in shame. All I could do was shake my head or nod… I’m not sure what I did. But he seemed to understand. He stepped to the side and gestured for me to lead the way out into the street.

The sun had slipped down toward the horizon while we’d been inside. Streetlights glowed with a watery light high above our heads. Kenny stood nearby with one hand tucked into his pocket while the other tapped against his chin. He moved with short bursts of movement, back and forth.

After a moment, he stopped and stood facing me. He took a deep breath and started talking, his hands sweeping around in front him like a conductor at the podium. “I didn’t mean to… to uh… to act like that. You… It caught me off guard.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

He stepped forward, his hands reaching out but not quite touching me. His fingers twitched, clenching into fists. “No. God, no. You…” His fingers flexed, opening and closing as he paced slightly. “Shit. I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an absolute asshole.”

I leaned against the wall, trying to figure out exactly how I felt. Every bit of it was confusing. And I’d only known him for a day or two.

“It’s okay,” I whispered, not sure what else to say.

Kenny finally stopped his pacing and ran his hands through his hair. His fingers separated the curls, making them frizzy and wild. After a moment, he started scrubbing his fingers over his jaw. “The thing is, Shaye, yeah… I’m pretty good at what I do. And it caught me off guard back there because it’s been a _long_ fucking time since I’ve met anybody who doesn’t know who I am. You… you don’t have any preconceived ideas about who I’m supposed to be, so I don’t have to meet these huge expectations that people sometimes have of me.”

His shoulders slumped as I watched. It was like he didn’t have to bear the burden of whoever he was anymore. At least not with me.

“All I know about you is that you were kind to me when I was alone. And you’re fun to hang out with,” I murmured quietly.

Kenny reached out. This time, he let his fingers brush along the inside of my wrist and down along my palm. He slid his fingers between mine, lacing them together. It was wonderful and strange all at once. My pulse quickened.

“I have to travel a lot for my job,” he said softly. I was suddenly hyperaware of how tall he was, how broad his shoulders were. “But right here, right now… there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, Shaye-chan.”

Something warm spread through me. It was a mix of excitement and anticipation. It was the feel of his rough-but-soft fingers against my skin and the pure bulk of his body nearby. He loomed closer, pressing me back against the wall. My gaze didn’t know where to land. His hair, his eyes, his lips… everything about him was too much and too close.

“What does ‘Shaye-chan’ mean?” I whispered, feeling my senses go fuzzy.

He leaned closer; his breath warm against my cheek. My pulse picked up. For a moment, I thought my knees were going to buckle beneath me.

Kenny smiled. Up close, it was even more breathtaking. His blue eyes sparked with mischief as he ignored my question. Instead, he used his free hand to grip my chin lightly, making me stretch to meet his descending mouth.

It was simple at first… the light pressure of his warm, soft lips against mine. His beard scratched against my cheek, but I didn’t care. My eyes closed and I let out a faint hum of contentment. At the sound, Kenny released his hold on my chin and slipped his free hand around my back. It settled against the base of my spine, pulling me against him. With one hand, he kept my fingers entrapped. With the other, he held me like a fragile sort of thing.

I didn’t stop myself when my hand skimmed up his bicep and shoulder to delve into the softness of his curls. My lips parted with a sigh, and Kenny took advantage. He deepened the kiss, pulling me even closer. I was flush against the hard lines of his chest, burning with the heat of his body and the sensation of flying.

There was nothing in the world but him.

When he drew away, the kiss fading into a fleeting touch that made me rise to my toes to chase the last, brief moments of it.

I opened my eyes and got a brief glance of the serenity on Kenny’s face. His eyes were closed, lashes settled against his cheek. There was a tint to his cheeks and a slight hitch to his breath. My fingers soothed through his hair, feeling how soft his curls were, noticing how he made a faint humming noise as I stroked them.

“Can I walk you home, Shaye-chan?”

My head was still swimming from the kiss that had nearly stolen my breath. Kenny slowly created space between us. His hand skimmed around my waist until it fell away from my hip. When his eyes opened, the blue was dimmed, his pupils wider than they had been before. I wondered if my own expression matched his.

“As long as you promise to kiss me again when we get there.”

He smiled, something slow and beautiful and wild. “All you have to do is ask.”


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_(GIF owned by trainwreqk on Tumblr)_

I sat in my bed, laptop on my knees, in awe at what I saw. The heat from the computer had long ago worked its way through the blankets and into my skin. My eyes were dry and exhausted as I watched the show playing across the screen—too afraid to blink, not quite knowing what I was seeing, and yet perfectly aware that it was a breathtaking spectacle.

Kenny was being humble when he said he was pretty good at what he did. He was more than humble.

Watching him compete was a sight that I couldn’t quite explain. He moved with a graze that took my breath away. There was viciousness and beauty, savagery and glory in the fighting. It was like a dance that swirled along a knife’s edge.

Once it was over, I sat back against the pillows, surprised to find my pulse racing and heat spreading through my limbs. It hadn’t escaped me that there was a chiseled physique hidden beneath his tees and jeans. But it was more than that, this feeling that made my heart beat out of time. There was magic in what he did, the way he looked in the rush of competition.

I closed my computer, trying to catch my breath and gather my thoughts. So many words and questions swept around in my mind, and I didn’t know exactly how to make sense of them. I’d gone searching for video of Kenny in action on my own. Now that I’d seen him in action, I couldn’t forget it, and I didn’t know how I would look at him again without thinking of what I’d just seen.

All I could think was that I would understand it all better in the morning. I turned off the lights and sank beneath the blankets. But when I closed my eyes, all I could see was Kenny as he had been in the ring.

~Ω~

Dreams are strange things. My grandmother used to say that they were your truest desires, the ones that you didn’t want to face or couldn’t name in your waking moments. My therapist said they were how your brain made sense of the things that happened during the day. That they were a safe place for your conscious and subconscious to connect and make meaning.

As I slipped beneath the waves of sleep, my waking thoughts submerged and scattered into a thousand fragments. They swept along the tides and coalesced into images and splashes of color. I watched as they swirled together, at last forming a familiar figure. Tall, broad-shouldered, with chameleonic blue eyes and two-toned curls. It was the Kenny I’d spent the evening with, and yet he was somehow different.

Perhaps I was exaggerating how the fabric of the Henley stretched over his upper body, how the lines and curves of the musculature beneath were accentuated and highlighted by his movements. Perhaps I imagined how he looked at me with a predatory gaze, one like he had worn in the video.

My heart skipped its beats. It was a shuddering thing, remembering to work one moment and then stalling out in the next. My body felt warm and heavy, weighted down with sleep, yet wrapped in something gentle and flowing like fabric made from moonlight.

“Shaye,” dream Kenny said smoothly. He drew out the softness of my name, turning it into some sort of hiss that made my breath hitch. He moved with a slow sort of pace, the fluid motion of a stalking tiger. Kenny’s fingertips brushed up against my wrist and walked up my arms.

Something electric moved along my skin even as it felt like something fell away.

“Shaye,” he said again, the word taking on a sing-song quality. His hands curled against my neck, fingertips slipping along the skin behind my ears and delving into my hair.

The next moment, I was pressed tightly against the planes of his muscles. He pulled me into him with a sudden, beautiful jerk that forced a sigh out of me. When our eyes met, there was a smile on his lips that was part promise and part threat. A threat that something deep inside me hoped desperately that he made good on.

“Kenny,” I whispered, feeling something burn inside me. I didn’t know what I wanted, or how to ask for it even if I did, only that I was desperate to have something.

He hovered closer, te heat of his breath making me shiver. I waited, hoped, prayed, wanted.

Needed.

~Ω~

I awoke with the blankets tangled around my legs, my heart racing so quickly that I couldn’t begin to catch my breath. Fragments of the dream flickered in and out of focus in my thoughts. My face burned with what I could only describe as embarrassment at the things I’d imagined and wanted so desperately in my sleep.

From the bedside table, my phone buzzed. I picked it up with fingers trembling with adrenaline. Kenny’s name showed on the screen. My heart turned inside out.

“_Asa, koibito_,” Kenny said brightly. I could hear the smile in his voice, even as I could sense the sleep still hanging in his tone. “Good morning, Shaye-chan.”

My skin tingled with the faint memories of my dreams. The sound of his voice was enough to make me think of the touch of his fingertips against my flesh and the way it felt when he kissed me. I felt my heart skip a beat.

“Morning, Kenny,” I replied, surprised to hear how breathy my voice was.

He made a sound that gave me goosebumps. “Do you have any plans today?”

I leaned back against my pillows, stretching out and feeling each of my muscles and joins pop and warm. “Nothing pressing. You?”

“Nothing horribly important,” he replied. “Since neither of us have plans… would you be up for a hike?”

I smiled, even as I snuggled beneath the blankets. After a quick mental survey of the clothes I’d brought with me, I let out a contented hum. “I suppose I could squeeze you in.”

Kenny laughed and it made my whole body tingle. “I’ll count myself lucky then. Can I pick you up at nine?”

A glance at the clock let me know I had a few hours. “Perfect. I’ll be waiting outside.”

~Ω~

I braided back my hair and made sure that I had sunscreen on. My shoes were well-worn and comfortable. I didn’t have regular workout clothes, but I had some leggings and a t-shirt that I didn’t mind getting dirty. For a moment, I thought about putting on some makeup, but I knew that by the time we got anywhere near the top of the mountain it would have disappeared.

When it was almost time, I stuffed my keys and wallet in a small bag that I strapped across my chest. Then I slipped downstairs, bouncing a little as I went to warm up my limbs.

Kenny was already waiting. He was dressed in a pair of sneakers, with gym shorts and a t-shirt. His hair was partly pulled back in a ponytail. His scruff was a little longer, a little darker, and ridiculously alluring.

As soon as I stepped out of the door, he reached for me. His fingers skimmed along my arms to cradle the sides of my neck. He drew me closer into his orbit. His cologne rushed into me, bled into my bloodstream, and made me dizzy. Kenny brushed the pads of his thumbs against the skin beneath my ears, sending a tingle rushing down my spine.

“Hi,” I said softly, looking up into his crisp blue eyes. I smiled, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip. “I like your hair like that.”

He grinned lopsidedly. “I like yours, too.”

For a moment, we stood frozen. I couldn’t look away from him, even as his gaze caressed along the curves of my face. The only warning he gave was the slight shift of his thumbs beneath my chin, the faint pressure that tilted my face toward him. Then his mouth was on mine, tenderly insistent, as if he needed to assure himself that I was real.

I lifted up onto my toes and slid my arms around his neck. When my fingers skimmed through his curls, he let out a soft sigh. Feeling bold, I pressed my advantage and flicked my tongue against the soft fullness of his bottom lip. It must have surprised him, if the whimper was any indication, for he wrapped one arm around me and snatched me tightly against his chest.

The kiss ended just as it began—with no warning. “You’re full of surprises, Shaye-chan.”

I couldn’t help but smile, feeling heat burn on my cheeks. “So where are we going hiking today?”


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

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Kenny grinned as he looked down at me, several feet behind as I tried to drag myself up a particularly steep step. He wriggled his way back down, one of his calloused hands outstretched toward me while the other kept a tight grip on the uplifted root of a tree. I smiled as I grabbed on, our hands wrapped around one another’s wrists. His bicep bunched as he nearly pulled my entire body weight up with one arm.

“I’m worried, Shaye-chan,” he said with a playful gleam in his blue eyes. “This is easy part.”

My pulse bounced as I had a brief memory of the sight of a shirtless Kenny on my computer. “I’m from New York, Kenny. We don’t really have a whole lot of opportunities to go hiking.”

“What?” he replied with sass. “Do you take an elevator everywhere?”

I found my feet and balanced enough to put my hands on my hips. “Well, I’m not going to take twenty flights of steps in stilettos.”

His smile lost some of its playfulness. It took on a deeper quality that made butterflies take flight in my stomach. Kenny studied me head to toe, his gaze skimming along my flesh like a physical touch. He tapped his chin with one long finger.

“Kenny?” I queried, brows lifting.

“Sorry. I was imagining you in stilettos.” His smile turned mischievous as he said it.

I rolled my eyes and edged along the trail around him. “Too bad for you that I didn’t bring any.”

I could hear him mumbling as he followed me up the trail, staying close enough that he was there if I had difficulty. Even though I couldn’t hear clearly, I could have sworn he was mumbling something along the lines of “Then I’ll buy some.”

~Ω~

It took hours for us to get to the top of the trail. Mount Tsukuba was beautiful, even though my clothes were stuck to me with sweat and my hair was frizzy beyond belief. I sighed as I looked up at the sky stretching out above me. The view was breathtaking—more so since I was already having trouble breathing by the time we made it to the top.

Kenny stood beside me, his hands on his hips, sweat making his shirt stick to his chest and arms. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, trying not to gawk or think too hard about seeing him shirtless. He was faintly winded when he spoke. “It’s beautiful up here, isn’t it?”

I shaded my eyes with my hand and surprised myself my leaning my head against his shoulder. “The view is amazing.”

His body shifted, his arm slipping around my back to curl me in against his chest. His shirt was damp beneath my cheek, but I didn’t care. It was a romantic sort of thing, standing at the top of the world with him.

“Was it worth it?” he asked, his lips against my hair.

I closed my eyes and felt a smile tip the corners of my lips. Shyness slipped into me as I turned into his chest, trying to hold onto this moment. It was like a secret that I wanted to lock inside my heart and keep hidden from everyone else. My answer was a faint hum of contentment.

Kenny stroked his fingertips up and down my arm, sending shivers and goosebumps trailing after his touch. He let the silence stretch out for a while. It was peaceful.

When he finally broke the silence, his tone was low, almost conspiratorial. “There’s a legend about this mountain. We’re in between the two peaks,” he said, his muscles shifting beneath my touch as he pointed from one to the other. “The taller one is called _Nyotai_. And the other is _Nantai_. The legend says that in the early days after creation, two of the gods came from heaven to see the world they’d made.”

His voice swept me into his telling of the myths of Japan. I wrapped both of my arms around his waist and felt warmth settle in my belly when he curled me more firmly against his chest.

“The gods needed a place to rest. First they went to Mount Fuji, but the mountain refused to let them shelter on her slopes. So the gods cursed Fuijisan to remain barren forever. But Tsukubasan agreed to their request, and they sheltered beneath the trees in the valley between _Nyotai_ and _Nantai_.” Kenny rested his chin against the top of my head as he pulled me into him. His body curled around mine, his hands clasped against the base of my spine. “When morning came, the gods blessed Tsukuba so that she would always be beautiful and covered with life and blessings.”

I smiled against his chest. “That’s a beautiful story.”

Kenny’s lips ghosted against my hair. “The old wives in Kantō say that if two people climb the mountain together…”

He trailed off. I pulled away enough to tilt my head back to look up at him. “What happens?”

His blue eyes lightened, the corners crinkling with his timid smile. “They will have a happy life together.”

My heart turned sideways in my chest. A mix of being overwhelmed and being completely swept off my feet warred within me. It didn’t matter when he looked at me with such an open expression, with eyes that were horribly innocent and hopeful. There was nothing I could do, no way to fight the sensation of romanticism that slipped into my bloodstream.

I leaned up onto my toes, my palms sliding up his chest to curve around his shoulders. My fingers toyed with the curls at the nape of his neck, feeling them spring beneath my fingertips.

“Even if they live on opposite sides of the world?” I asked quietly, unsure of what I really meant. This was new, whatever was going on between Kenny and me, and I didn’t know what it might become. If it even had the potential to become anything at all.

His hands walked up my back, splaying along the center of my spine, the space between my shoulder blades. He tipped my body toward him like magic. “I don’t know.” Kenny’s voice dropped an octave, rumbling in my bones.

A question darted around in my mind, desperate to be asked. I leaned my cheek against his chest and closed my eyes. “Why did you bring me hiking here, Kenny?”

His hold tightened, almost reflexively. “Because I wanted you to see the beautiful parts of Japan.”

I worked hard to hide my grin. “So it has nothing to do with the story?  
Kenny chuckled, pressing a ghost-like kiss on my hair. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Shaye-chan.”

~Ω~

My apartment felt smaller with Kenny’s broad frame inside of it. He leaned against the wall—weight born by one strong shoulder—and watched indulgently as I swept around my home-away-from-home to tidy up. He laughed and insisted over and over that everything was perfect.

I turned back to find Kenny sitting cross-legged on the floor in the living room. He looked up at me with his tired sunlight and water eyes and held out his hand toward me. “Come here.” There was something commanding in his tone that made me obey immediately.

When I got close enough, he grasped my hand and pulled me gently down into his lap. I settled into the cradle of his legs and let my head rest in the crook of his neck. He smelled like sweat and the outdoors. Somehow, it was appealing.

“I have a confession to make,” he murmured into the air above me.

A soft, pleasurable hum was my only response. His body was solid and warm, yet I was almost certain I could fall asleep this way.

He let silence stretch out around us. His arms wrapped around me, holding me against him as if he was afraid I was going to disappear. When he finally spoke, he whispered the words into my hair like a plea to the heavens.

“I hope the blessing of Tsukubasan is real, at least for us.”


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

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I thought, for a moment, that I was going to cry. The quiet sort of desperation in his voice, the hope that something might form between the two of us, it made my heart beat a little faster. For a while, no matter how brief, Japan was going to be my home. And I knew, after only a few short days, that I wanted Kenny to be part of that new home, that new life.

My body shifted without my conscious choice. I wriggled from his grasp, making him stretch out his legs in the process so I could straddle his thighs. He watched me with a stoic sort of expression, a muscle in his jaw twitching as I settled into a comfortable position. There was something sheepish in his eyes as he pressed his palms to the floor, now afraid to touch me.

“You have been the most amazing part of this trip, Kenny,” I stated firmly. “The gods around here had better bless whatever this is, or they wasted a perfectly good opportunity.”

He smiled widely, white teeth flashing as he chuckled. His confidence seemed to be growing because his hands settled on my skin, fingers curling around the flesh of my thigh. “This life I have isn’t easy, Shaye. I’m gone more often than I’m home. I get banged up and bruised and end up spending most of my down time in ice baths and naps.”

It was the first time I heard even a slight description of what life as a professional wrestler might be like. Yet nothing about it frightened me enough to make me want to back away from this blooming… thing that we had. My lips curled into a tender smile.

“I’m not afraid of it,” I replied, my voice more confident than I felt. “Especially if we’ve got Tsukubasan on our side.”

Kenny’s hands moved to my hips, confident fingers tugging me closer until we were chest to chest. The heat of his body radiated into me, making me shiver even as I felt as if the whole world was one fire. Our eyes met. There were shadows behind the brilliant blue that dragged me in, that locked me into an orbit with him that was inescapable.

This time, when he kissed me, there was a barely restrained fury behind it. There was no soft prelude, no gentle brush of his lips on mine. It began as a bruising, crushing, breath-stealing kiss. His teeth nipped at my bottom lip, biting enough to cause a tingle of discomfort. His fingers delved into my hair just as his tongue swept along my lips, pressing forward to deepen the kiss until it became the center of my universe.

I clutched at his shoulders, needing anything solid to keep me from falling away into the abyss of his touch. A shiver ran through me, making my body shudder in his grasp. He made a noise deep in his throat that was part growl and part groan. As if it was instinct, one of his hands cradled my skull. The other settled on the base of my spine, his ring-roughened fingertips brushing the tail of my shirt up, at last touching the skin that had been denied him. Even the feather-light caress of his fingertips on the small of my back was enough to make me imagine—to desire—more.

But I was too much of a coward to ask for it.

Kenny’s hand skimmed higher along my back, pushing my shirt up with every movement. His thumb skimmed my ribs. Every slide of his hands on my skin made my breath hitch in my chest. I pressed myself harder against his chest, needing to be closer, to feel his hold on me tighten.

The kiss faded away slowly. His forehead settled against mine, his lips parted as he panted to catch his breath. The world tilted around me, and I wrapped my arms around him to keep from falling away with it. I felt the touch of his palm burning into my flesh. The ache inside me was more than I had ever known.

“Kenny…” I plead, not quite sure what I was pleading for.

He pulled me in tighter, fitting us so completely together that nothing could get into the space between us. I gasped at the feel of him against me, gasoline splashing into my veins. My hips rocked instinctively. A desperate shudder tore through me.

Kenny growled low in his throat. “Shaye…” The edge of his thumb toyed with the band of my bra, swiping back and forth gently along the center of my back. I shivered, desperate and desperately scared. “I should go…”

I closed my eyes, trying to rein in my disappointment. “Why?” No matter how hard I tried, the sadness was clear in my voice.

“Because I want something I shouldn’t,” he said with regret.

My lips met his in a feather touch. Before I could lose my courage, I whispered pleadingly. “So do I.”

In an instant, his resolve shattered. Kenny skimmed his hands up my back, sweeping my t-shirt off over my head. He tossed it away and gripped me by the hips, pulling me so close that I couldn’t ignore the evidence of his desires. My breath picked up, coming in soft pants that carried whimpers with them. His mouth trailed up my jaw and down my neck, warm, faint kisses that were accompanied by gentle bites and nips.

My head fell back as he pressed his lips against the hollow at the base of my throat. It felt like every nerve in my body was on fire. Kenny took his time, his arms wrapping around me as he breathed in the scent of my skin and left ginger bites to stake his claim.

I dug my fingers into his hair, the tie holding it back slipping out beneath my insistence. He hummed against my throat when I tugged gently on his curls. “Kenny,” I said softly. He looked up, his eyes a wonderfully dark, brilliant blue.

With my heart hammering in my chest, I reached for him, my fingers snatching tightly at the fabric of his shirt. I tugged it slowly up along his stomach and chest. Flashes of memory made my body burn. When it was finally gone, I felt as if I’d been punched. The breath rushed out of me at how truly beautiful he was. And it wasn’t just the muscle that packed his frame. There was something about him that made me think of angels.

Kenny tightened one arm around me as he shifted, pushing off the floor to stand. He swept me with him with ease. I couldn’t help but giggle as I grabbed at his shoulders. He looked at me with those dark blue eyes and smiled softly.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, settling his forehead against mine.

Something caught in my chest. I thought for a moment that I was on the verge of tears. “So are you,” I replied.

His lips found mine as he stumbled through the apartment into my bedroom. The world dropped as he knelt on the edge of the bed. He broke away long enough to crawl up onto the mattress, balancing his weight on his hands as he hovered over me.

My hands lifted of their own accord. All I wanted was to trail my fingertips along the dips and curves of his body. I wanted to touch him and hold him against me. I wanted, just for a brief moment, to know what it was like to be held tight in his arms while the rest of the world fell away.

Kenny’s lips quirked up in an endearing smile. “Are you sure? I’m not in a rush… I can wait…” His face took on a sudden earnestness that made him look breathtakingly beautiful. “I can wait forever… I just need to hear you say the words.”

An ache started deep in my chest, stronger than the one before. I couldn’t quite name the emotion that somehow took root in my heart, but I had a good idea of what it might become. I met his gaze and brushed the curls back from his face. My fingertips brushed the rough stubble of his jaw as I looked up at him.

“I’m sure,” I whispered, pulling him down against me. “And I don’t want to wait forever.”


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

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Kenny’s smile burned bright as my words sank in. He gently settled his weight on top of me even though he kept some of it balanced on his forearms. It was a wonderfully safe feeling—I had the strange thought that having Kenny draped over me would be just like a weighted blanket. As soon as it crossed my mind, I laughed.

His brows drew together. “What…”

I cradled his face in my hands. “Don’t ask,” I said, grinning. “Just kiss me.”

He brought his lips down against mine, purring low in his throat when I dug my fingers into his hair. Kenny slipped an arm around my back, tugging me up tighter against him. The breath rushed out of me, but I didn’t care. It was wonderful.

His hand stroked down my ribs and tangled in the waistband of my leggings. I felt his hesitation, still unsure if this was something I wanted. There was something remarkably sweet about it.

I wriggled beneath him, pushing at the band of my pants. He grinned against my lips as he swatted my hands out of the way. In one smooth motion, Kenny made quick work of stripping my leggings away, dropping them over the edge of the bed.

His fingertips slipped up from my ankles to my knees, from my knees to my hips. Those beautifully nimble fingers traced the edge of my underwear, sending shocks of electricity along my skin. I closed my eyes, letting out a soft sigh as he stroked my flesh with a gentle touch.

Kenny kissed me softly, sweetly. With every caress, his fingers dipped lower and lower, finally wiggling beneath the band. My hips bucked up, my whole body desperate to feel him where I wanted—needed—him the most.

“I need you to say it,” he murmured against my ear. His palm pressed flat against my lower belly teasingly. “All you have to do is say it, Shaye-chan.”

I looked up into his blue eyes, fire licking along my nerves. “Please…”

His fingers pressed a little lower—_oh so close_ to where I was desperate to have his touch. “Please what, _koibito_?”

I hooked my arms around him, letting my fingers comb through his hair. His jaw tightened as the words came tumbling out. “Please touch me.”

Kenny wasted no time. He explored lower, ripping a moan out of my throat as he slowly swept his fingers along my core and left a featherlight touch along my clit. My breath hitched. My fingers tightened in his hair. There was a wicked smile on his beautiful mouth as he found my clit again, circling it tantalizingly with two fingers.

I whimpered, and he nuzzled against my throat. “Talk to me, _koibito_,” he purred. “I need to hear you.”

My eyes squeezed tight. It was already hard to breathe. Every slow stroke against my clit made my heart skip a beat. “It’s not enough… please… I need more…”

His lips made their way down my throat. The tip of his nose tickled along the swell of my breasts. Goosebumps rose all along my skin as Kenny nudged the cup of my bra out of the way. I nearly bucked up when his teeth grazed over my nipple. But the reflexive move of my hips was enough to edge Kenny’s fingers exactly where I wanted them. They slipped inside me and I though the world was going to shatter into pieces.

“Right there,” I panted, nails digging into Kenny’s shoulder as he teased and stroked. When his thumb pressed against my clit, it took every ounce of my strength not to scream. It was breathtaking how quickly, how surely he had driven me to the brink of an orgasm. I could feel it dangling just out of reach.

I balanced on the edge of it, needing just a fraction more friction. Just as I thought I was going to plunge down the other side, Kenny stopped. His hands disappeared, the weight of his body shifted and vanished. My eyes popped open, afraid that I’d done something wrong. Instead, I was faced with the sight of him sweeping my panties down my legs and stuffing them into the pocket of his shorts as he knelt by the edge of the bed.

His lips bore a cocky grin as he took me by the hips and pulled me toward him. He hooked my legs over his biceps, used his hands wrapped around my thighs to hold me in the perfect position as he leaned in and lapped his tongue along my clit.

My fingers fisted in the sheets. I let out a grunt of frustration and desperation as he started over again, teasing me with gentle, barely there touches and frantic attention with tongue, teeth, and lips.

“Please, God, don’t stop. Please!” I begged, beyond coherent thought. All I knew was that I was desperate for something, anything to ease the ache that had coiled deep inside me. I threaded my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. He growled, and the vibration of it was enough to set fire to my nerves.

I bucked, writhed. Everything went white. The world became nothing but silence and the ebb and flow of pleasure shooting through every nerve in my body. I may have whimpered his name, I may have screamed it. All I knew was that I could hardly breathe from the intensity of it.

It took a long while for me to come back to myself enough to open my eyes. When I did, Kenny was still kneeling between my legs. His gaze locked onto mine as he swept his tongue along his lips, letting out a hum of pride as he crawled up onto the bed.

“Do you feel better, Shaye-chan?” he asked sweetly. His hand stroked lazily up and down the inside of my thigh. Every time he got close to my center, I nearly cried with the overstimulation. He hovered over me, his smile hiding something more than just pride at his conquest. “I hope so. Because you’re beautiful when you say my name like that.”

After what felt like hours, I brushed my fingertips against his cheek. They curled around the back of his neck, dragging him down into a kiss. Kenny hummed in surprise as he snatched me tight against him, kissing me until there wasn’t an ounce of breath left in my lungs.

When he pulled away, he was smiling. “We aren’t done yet.”

I felt my smile grow in return. “Good.”

He laughed and rolled onto his back, dragging me with him. His arms curled around me, cradling me against his chest, holding me so that I was half draped over him. Kenny nuzzled against my neck, the warmth of his breath sweeping over my flesh when he spoke. “I don’t think I could ever get enough of the taste of you.”

It was wonderfully dirty. I shivered at the portrait taking shape in my head—of hours and hours of being wrapped up in his arms with his hands and his mouth and his body at my disposal.

The heat raced through my cheeks. I knew, even thought it was horribly difficult, that I was blushing. It was as if he could see straight into my thoughts with those beautiful blue eyes of his.

“Do I get a turn?” I asked sheepishly.

Kenny’s grin turned mischievous. He pressed another kiss against my lips before leaning back, tucking his hands behind his head. The position stretched out his muscles, giving me a wonderful view of the dips and curves of his abs and chest.

“Be my guest, _koibito_,” he said playfully. “Take all the time you want.”


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

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It took a moment for his words to sink in. He watched me with his beautiful blue eyes and let his lips curl into a Cheshire grin. “It’s all right, Shaye,” he soothed, his tone serious despite his smile. He reached up and brushed his fingers along my cheek. “We don’t have to do anything else.”

My chest felt heavy, a weight building as my heart decided to stop beating. I tried to catch my breath as his touch slid along my skin. My body was still warm and pliant from my orgasm, and I wanted just to sink against him and stay there. But I still wanted more.

“I…” The words got caught in my throat. I didn’t know how to take this pressure away. “Kenny…”

He sat up, propping his weight on one elbow. Fingers curled gently around the back of my neck, thumb stroking that tender spot behind my ear. “What’s the matter, _koibito_?”

The world started spinning. I leaned against him, forehead against his, eyes closed in shame. “Show me what to do,” I whispered.

He seemed to understand immediately. Kenny gathered me against his chest, his lips finding mine in a lingering kiss. He touched me tenderly, everything a barely there sensation that made every nerve in my body stand at attention. His hands stroked my hair and whispered down my back, fingers entwined with mine, drawing me in to return his caress.

My fingers trembled as I let him guide my hand to his stomach. He settled my palm against the curves and dips of his abs. The muscles flexed and stretched beneath my touch as he breathed. He returned his touch to my hair as he kissed me over and over again, each time a little more, a little deeper, a little hungrier than the last. Kenny held me like I was breakable, but kissed me like my soul was made of diamond.

When we broke apart, it took a long time to catch our breath. Kenny smiled up at me, searching my face for something. I bit my lip and nodded, not sure what I was doing but knowing that I wanted something desperately. He took my hand again, his breath hitching as he guided my fingers down over the band of his shorts.

I licked my lips reflexively when my fingers curled against his cock. The growl that came out of him drew my attention. He watched me, the muscles in his jaw tight as he clenched his teeth. His nose flared, and, for an instant, I thought he could scent the desire running through my blood.

Kenny settled his hand over mine, guiding my touch as I rubbed his cock through his shorts. His eyes fluttered closed as he let out a faint groan as I squeezed gently. I stilled when he sucked in a breath, but his hand tightened on mine.

“Don’t stop,” he whimpered, guiding me further. His hand fell away and reappeared in my hair, holding the locks back from my face.

A spike of bravery spilled into me. I slid my palm up and dug my fingers into the waistband of his shorts, tugging them down to free his cock. He held his breath as I finally, tentatively wrapped my hand around him. At first, my strokes were hesitant. The hand in my hair tightened as I got my confidence, stroking him more firmly, more quickly.

Kenny groaned and grunted, his voice coming out in hoarse whispers. There were gentle directions—“Just like that”—and tender praises of what I did, how it felt. Every word made me more confident. Braver.

With my heart pounding in my chest, I leaned forward and kissed the head of his cock. He arched off the bed at the touch of my mouth on him. His breath came in great gasps, his abs contracting hard as he sucked in air.

“Shaye,” he murmured, sitting up and curling his fingers around the back of my neck. He pulled me against him, capturing my lips with desperation. He shoved at his shorts with his free hand, kicking them off with a faint grunt of frustration. He gathered me into his arms, my heart turning sideways at the feel of every inch of him pressed against me.

Kenny held my chin between his finger and thumb, his blue eyes locked with mine. “We… I won’t do anything you don’t want to,” he promised. His voice dipped with sincerity. “I don’t have a condom anyway.”

I wanted to feel relieved, but all I could feel was disappointed. Something burned inside me, like flames winding around my spine and blasting through every nerve of my body.

“I want to,” I plead. “I want to more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

He cradled my face in his hands and dizzied me with another kiss. “_Koibito, _don’t say that. It’s hard enough for me to stop myself already.”

My pulse thundered in my ears. I was so frustrated with want that I blinked back tears. “Please,” I begged.

Kenny slipped his hands into my hair, brushing it back from my face. His gaze was a physical touch that sent shockwaves through every cell of my being. There was a pained expression on his face, like he was fighting a war within himself. His jaw tightened as he took a deep, steadying breath.

“Are you… do you take…” he looked away, blushing.

I couldn’t help but giggle. Not long ago, he had been nestled between my thighs giving me the best orgasm of my life—the first one I’d ever had at the hands of another person—and yet he was embarrassed to say _birth control_.

“Yes,” I assured him, feeling as if some heaviness had been stripped away from me. “Every day.”

Kenny smiled in a way that made his entire face light up. I kissed him through the giggles and the grins. I felt his fingertips brush along my breasts and over my stomach. A shiver ran along my spine as he slipped his hand between my thighs and slipped his fingers inside me once again.

He teased me slowly, pumping his fingers into me and then circling them around my clit and back again. Every touch made my blood boil, made the desire and desperation flame higher and higher. I whimpered and begged and rocked my hips against him as I felt tension coiling low in my stomach.

Far too soon, he pulled away. I wanted to cry with need. My body was wrapped up in tension that needed to be released. I looked up at him, ready to beg him to help me, but stopped when I saw him watching me as he licked his fingers clean.

“Come here,” he ordered softly. His hands guided me to straddle him. I groaned when my core brushed against his cock. He moved me with gentle pressure, rocking my hips back and forth. “I need to hear you say it, Shaye. God help me, I need to hear you say it.”

I licked my lips, rocking my hips slowly, feeling his fingers dig into my flesh with each stroke. “I want you to fuck me, Kenny. I need you to. Please.”

He drew me against him and kissed me until I was dizzy. I felt his hips flex beneath me. He tugged on my hips, moving me into a position that he wanted. “Look at me, Shaye,” he begged.

My eyes met his as he rolled his hips, the head of his cock pressing into me. I tensed, fear spilling into me. This was it… there was no going back…

“Do you trust me, _koibito_?” he whispered, every muscle in his body straining to keep in control.

“Yes,”

He wrapped his arms around me, holding me against his chest. Kenny’s lips brushed along my jaw and the space behind my ear that made me shudder. “Relax,” he cooed. “Relax. You control everything.”

I glanced at him, saw the sincerity in his gaze. I felt the tension in his muscles as I rocked back onto him, feeling him press deeper inside me. The fear bled away with every new rocking stroke. Kenny’s fingers dug into my hips, holding onto me as I moved. Every move made me whimper and mewl, the discomfort fading into a dizzying sensation of being driven to the edge of some wonderful release.

My back arched as I put my weight on my knees, sitting up on his cock. Kenny grinned up at me as I started riding him, circling my hips at the bottom of each stroke. It was better than I imagined, more than I could ever have wanted. My head dropped back as Kenny pressed his fingers against my clit, circling slowly, teasingly.

“Help me,” I whimpered. “I need more, Kenny. Please.”

He gripped my hips and bucked his hips up slowly. I let out a squeal of pleasure as he hit a wonderfully delicious spot inside me. My hands pressed into his chest, nails digging into his flesh. I met each of his strokes, mewling as his name as every fiber of my body shattered apart.

Kenny’s fingers dug almost painfully into my hips as he thrust through my orgasm. It felt like it went on forever. Like waves, it ebbed and flowed, turning my entire body into a bundle of live wires.

When he spilled himself inside me, I was still shuddering from the strength of the pleasure burrowing into my limbs. He soothed my flushed skin with his hands, drawing me down to rest against his chest. He kissed me languidly as we settled together into the silence.

“Are you all right?” he asked after a few moments of quiet.

I let out a shaky breath and smiled. “I’m amazing.”

He laughed, the sound making me feel warm somewhere in my chest. I smiled against his chest. Kenny’s voice took on a playful tone. “I don’t think I’ve ever been anyone’s first time before.”


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_(GIF owned by kennyisanomega on Tumblr)_

I wriggled down further beneath the blankets, my toes curling and muscles tightening with a deep awakening stretch. For a moment, I couldn’t remember why I’d gone asleep in the middle of the day. But then I noticed the faint ache at my core and every detail of the day came rushing back at me.

I couldn’t help the giddiness that spread through me as I reached out and found the warm, solid mass of muscle that was Kenny sleeping soundly in the bed beside me. He was stretched out on his back, one arm raised, hand tucked beneath his head. The other hung off the edge of the bed. His face was turned away, but I could see his lips parted as he breathed deeply in sleep.

My heart thumped as I rolled over, scooting close and resting my cheek against his chest. I draped an arm over his stomach, closing my eyes as I tried to drift back off. A moment later, Kenny shifted beneath me and the arm that had been behind his head now wrapped around me.

“Hmm,” he purred, drawing me in closer and burying his nose in my hair. “_Soko ni iru, koibito_.”

I felt heat run through my veins, but I couldn’t understand why. There was something about the sound of his voice, the fine lilt of Japanese falling from his lips. I wished that I could understand what he said and why it made my heart jump in my chest.

“Shaye?” he said groggily, nuzzling against me. He shifted again, rolling onto his side and encasing me in both arms. He kissed my forehead, the heat of his lips lingering against my skin.

“Yes?” I replied, slipping my arm around his ribs. My fingers splayed against his back, reveling in the way his muscles stretched and pulled beneath his skin.

His fingers found my chin, tilting my face up to meet his. He kissed me slowly, the curve of his mouth fitting perfectly against mine. I let out a faint sigh of contentment, and Kenny dragged me closer. He held me so tightly that I couldn’t breathe. But I didn’t care.

When he let me go at last, his blue eyes were bright. He blinked, a slow smile spreading over his face. “You’re beautiful, Shaye.”

I looked away, embarrassed. My heart was doing strange somersaults in my chest, and I didn’t know how to make sense of them. It was true that I’d felt something for Kenny before… _before_… but I didn’t know if what was going on now was because of how I truly felt or because I was caught in the haze of my first time.

Slowly, self-consciously, I wriggled out of Kenny’s grasp and sat up, pulling the sheets with me. I tugged them around my body and stood on wobbly legs. My eyes stung with tears, but I couldn’t understand why.

Before I could break down crying in front of him, I stumbled toward the powder room and tugged the door shut behind me. My heart ached for a reason I couldn’t explain, and I burst into tears the second I heard the lock click.

The pain that tore into my chest was more than anything I’d felt before. I couldn’t draw a breath. It was too soon, too quick for my heart to yearn for him like it did. I wanted more than I had the right to. We were too different, too separated to make any of this work. It was like my heart had been ripped straight out of my chest.

The knock came later, almost too quiet to hear. “Shaye?” Kenny’s voice was soft… almost broken. “Open the door. Please?”

I wanted to crawl into a corner and hide from the sound of his concern. He was so kind and so tender and gentle. Yet I couldn’t stop myself from reaching up and sliding the lock free. Kenny slipped inside and sank down into the floor at my side. His fingers reached out but stopped just before he touched me.

He was silent for a long while, letting me take my time. I sucked in a breath at how the pain in my chest faded away at his closeness. The calm that radiated out of him was more than I could fight. I leaned my head against his shoulder, sinking into his warmth as he wrapped solid arms around me.

“Will you tell me what happened?” he asked quietly. He stroked his thumbs along my arms, turning his body until he had me enveloped in his embrace. I could feel the soft scratch of his beard against my scalp as he curled against me. He gathered me against his chest, burying me in the scent and heat of him. “Did I… did I hurt you?”

I shook my head vehemently, hardly trying to hide my tears. “No.”

Kenny slipped one hand into my hair, cradling my skull in his palm. “Please don’t cry, _koibito_,” he murmured into my hair. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

I blinked back tears and looked up into his blue eyes. “It’s all so much, so fast.”

He looked surprised for a moment before schooling his features. My heart clenched as he loosened his hold and leaned away. “I’m sorry, Shaye. I didn’t think…” He closed his eyes before pressing a fleeting kiss on my forehead. Then he gently disentangled himself from me.

“Kenny!” I whimpered softly, trying to hide the sound behind my fingers. I wanted to cry all over again.

He stopped at the sound of my voice, and I tried to stop myself from blurting out the strange and terrifying truth that was swirling around in my head. All I could think of was how much I didn’t want to lose him.

His shoulders slumped as he listened to my muffled sobs. When he turned back to me, his face bore an expression of pain. It broke my heart even more.

“Do you want me to leave, Shaye?” His voice was quiet but there was something restrained in it.

I couldn’t speak. All I could do was shake my head desperately.

Kenny dropped to his knees in front of me, his breathtakingly gentle hands coming up to cradle my face. He rested his forehead against mine, thumbs stroking my cheekbones. “Why are you in so much pain, _koibito_?”

“I’m scared,” I said at last. “I’m scared at how much I _don’t_ want you to leave.”

He brushed his nose along mine, his breath warming my cheek. “I don’t want to leave you.” My heart twisted at his words. “I can’t imagine leaving you now.”

His fingers curled along my jaw, tilting my mouth up to his. When he kissed me, there was something hidden beneath the touch of his lips. It was like that first kiss after the arcade—surprising and unsettling but beautiful. And just like that first time, it set fire to my veins.

“_Ai shiteru_, _koibito._” He whispered against my lips. “_Ai shiteru._”


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

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I hummed quietly as I ran a towel through my hair. The mirror was so foggy that I could just barely see myself grinning amidst the steam. I’d finally gotten used to Japanese time, and I was loving everything about Tokyo.

My phone buzzed on the sink, Kenny’s face popping up on the screen. I surprised myself by letting out a faint sigh as I picked it up and swept toward the bedroom. Switching it over to speakerphone, I answered. “_Ohayōgozaimasu_!”

His chuckle was infectious. “_Ohayōgozaimasu_, _koibito_,” he said smoothly. “And you pronounced it perfectly.”

I couldn’t help but burn with pride at his praise. “I’ve been working very hard. And I’ve had a fantastic teacher.”

“I’ll teach you more when I get back next week,” he replied forlornly. “Are you going to be okay in the city while I’m gone?”

My brow furrowed at the thought of being without him. Not because I was afraid… but because I enjoyed his presence more than I cared to admit. “_Hai_. I can ask for help, I know my address, and the lady at the Shinkowa knows me enough by now to help pick out my groceries.”

“And you’ve only been here a couple weeks. I’m proud of you, Shaye-chan.” I could hear the emotion in his voice. I wanted to call it something, but I was afraid of those four letters. “I’m only going to be in California over the weekend. I’ll be back Monday afternoon.”

“I’ll miss you the whole time,” I said, immediately surprised as the words slipped out.

Kenny sighed. For a moment, I wished he was there. That I could hold him. “Me too.”

***

“I’m doing fine, Mama,” I said, standing over the stove as I made dinner. Well, tried to. I wasn’t doing as well as the instructions said I should, but it smelled pretty good. “How are you guys doing?”

My mother sighed, and I could hear the clink and clatter of china. It was early morning in New York. If I knew my mother, she was sitting down to breakfast at the table in our smaller dining room. I heard Cheryl’s voice in the background as she brought my mother her food.

“Your father is leaving for London again in this evening. The deal was almost done, and then his idiot of a junior partner screwed up. He has to go smooth things over with the investors,” my mother replied, venom hidden just below the surface of her words. “And your brother is going to be the death of me. Why can’t he be like you, my darling girl?”

I rolled my eyes. This was a common refrain from my parents. I was the good child, the one who did everything as expected, who graduated valedictorian from an elite Upper East Side prep-school and went to NYU. I worked for the family company, interned with my father’s associates. There was nothing about me that was rebellious.

My baby brother, Damon… he was something different. He’d been kicked out of four elite private schools, two parochial schools, a public school, and was well on his way to spending the rest of his education at a military school or boarding somewhere in Europe. My parents were embarrassed by him more often than they were proud. I hated it for him, but at the same time, I knew that he brought some of it on himself.

“Maybe he needs a gap year, Mama.”

The laughter that hit my ears sounded like the screech of the Wicked Witch from Oz. “God no, Shaye. The second your brother ends up somewhere with no structure…” She quieted for a moment, her next words taking on an air of sadness. “I’m afraid I’m going to find him dead one day. Those _people_ he calls friends are only going to get him into trouble.”

“I’ll call him this weekend. Maybe I can talk a little bit of sense into him.”

“If only it were that easy, darling.”

***

Curled on my side, I pulled up the playlist of videos I’d found of some of Kenny’s matches. I’d watched several of them whenever I was alone, surprised each and every time at how amazing and beautiful he was when he was in the ring. He was so fluid, so animated, so graceful. It had been embarrassing when I’d told him that I was watching his matches. But we hadn’t watched one of them together.

I wondered what it would be like to see one of his matches live.

I snuggled into the blankets, arms curled around my spare pillow. My heart skipped sideways as I breathed deeply, surprised to smell the lingering traces of Kenny on the fabric. _Had he slept in this bed so much? _I thought.

The melancholy swept in like a tidal wave. I could hear his voice on the video. If I closed my eyes, I could almost convince myself that he was there. And I didn’t want to admit to myself how much I wished it were true. Even when my vision was blurred with tears, even when I couldn’t breathe for the weight of the sadness, I couldn’t admit to him—let alone myself—that I was falling in love with Kenny.

It terrified me more than anything else ever had.

***

My knee bounced nervously as I watched the LED board change, flight details updating as planes took off and landed. I remembered that first moment when I landed, the panic that shattered the mystique of Japan. Barring any emergency, I didn’t think I would see the inside of the airport until the end of my trip.

But I wanted to surprise Kenny. I’d missed him so much that it scared me. Even if I wasn’t ready to say those four little letters, I wanted to…

“What am I doing?” I whispered desperately. “This is crazy. This is _stalkerish_. This is some Joe Goldberg bullshit.”

I wrapped my arms around my middle, dropping my head in shame at how stupid this plan was. Before I could think twice, I turned and started back through the concourse to the train station. I wanted to go home and act like none of this ever happened.

Panic piqued my senses. It felt like I could hear every little sound, see every shape and line and color. I thought I was going to pass out.

“Shaye?”

His voice was the only sound in the world. My body turned without my permission. I wanted to curl into myself and hide even as I wanted to run toward him and fling myself into his arms. He looked tired. But he looked beautiful to me.

Kenny crossed the space between us in a few strides, dragging his suitcase behind him. Every step he took toward me sent my heart racing into overdrive. I stopped worrying about what he thought or how terrified I was of the strength of my feelings for him. All that mattered was that he was there.

Suddenly, he was within arm’s reach. Tall, broad shouldered, two-toned curls, scruff along his jawline. My fingers itched to reach for him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. For some reason, I needed him to make the first move.

“What are you doing here?” he asked quietly, propping his suitcase up against his leg. His blue-green eyes lit up as he shook his head, making his curls bounce. “It doesn’t matter… I’ve missed you so much.”

Before I could say anything, Kenny gathered me up in his arms. A slow smile spread over his face. Roughened fingertips brushed hair behind my ear as his gaze skipped over my face. I shivered beneath the intensity of his inspection.

“Kenny…”

He didn’t respond in words. Instead he slithered his fingers into my hair and pulled me close. He settled his mouth against mine gently, the kiss as chaste as it was breathtaking. Every cell in my body vibrated with the tenderness of it.

“_Anata wa watashinoiedesu_,” he murmured against my mouth. He buried his nose against my hair, nuzzled against my neck. I let him hold me as tightly as he dared. One hand delved into his hair, cradling his head against me. The other fisted into his shirt, tugging him closer. “Home.”

When he finally released his hold and looked down at me, his cheeks were bright red. He looked young and boyish, even with the tiredness that clouded his eyes. He smiled again, pressing his forehead against mine. I breathed in the scent of him, glad to just have him back again. Even if the strength of my missing him scared me.

“This was a nice surprise,” he said as we disentangled from one another. He reached down, took my hand, and led me toward the train station. “I’ve missed you.”

I fidgeted with the ends of my hair, trying to hide the heat that rushed beneath my skin at the idea that he’d been thinking of me while he was away. Even just for a few days. It made me giddy to know that I meant enough to him to miss.

“I’ll pay for the cab this time,” I said playfully. I couldn’t help but grin as he gently, perhaps subconsciously, drew me closer to his side. “You look like you could use some sleep.”

The sweetness slipped out of his smile, turned into something wolfish. “I could use way more than sleep.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, making me giggle.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

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Kenny’s apartment was much bigger than mine with an open design and hardwood floors. Clearly, he had the money to spend on the space. And the amenities. A huge flatscreen TV was mounted on the wall, a shelf beneath filled with more videogames and game systems than I could count. There were at least six different gaming lap boards lined up on shelving.

A set of wide windows looked out on a walking park. I smiled, watching as people strolled through the perfectly manicured hedges and lawns. I imagined that it would be nice to wake up to a view like this.

“Wow,” I breathed, turning back to look at Kenny. He had dropped his bags by the sofa and was leaning against the counter that separated his kitchen from the living room. “This is fantastic.”

He was smiling, his arms crossed over his chest. His muscles bunched from the movement. I felt my heart skip a beat as I took in the sight of him. It felt longer than a few days since we’d seen one another.

“It’s home,” he said, shrugging. He toed off his shoes and crossed the space between us in a few steps. “But you… _anata wa watashinoiedesu_.”

Kenny drew me against his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist. One of his hands splayed over the base of my spine, pulling my hips tight against his. He dipped his head, resting his forehead against mine. The heat of his body sank into my skin. He breathed deeply, his free hand settling against the side of my neck.

I felt my eyes drift closed as I leaned into his touch. I tilted my head up, waiting for the pressure of his lips against mine. His thumb stroked along the column of my throat and swept beneath the curve of my jaw. Shivers ran down my spine just as heat spilled into my veins.

“Shaye,” he breathed just as the pad of his thumb ghosted against the outline of my lips. There was something tightly controlled in his touch. His fingertips flexed against the small of my back, as if he wanted to drag me closer.

My fingers wound in his hair, feeling the curls slipping against my skin. He swallowed hard, a throaty groan vibrating through his body as my nails scraped gently against his scalp. I felt myself smile. I’d thought before that he had a thing with his hair. Now I was sure.

I scratched again. He groaned louder, some of his control slipping. He dug his fingers into my back. The hand along my neck shifted, his thumb settling beneath my jaw and tilting my head up. His mouth landed on mine almost savagely. He licked along the seam of my lips, his insistence opening me up to him. I sighed into the kiss, my fingers tightening against his curls.

His hold was almost painful. There would be bruises on my back tomorrow, but I didn’t care. I was desperate for his control to snap.

A moment later, he drew back. His face was flushed, lips swollen, chest heaving as if he’d just gone through an ironman match. My fingers soothed against his curls, separating them and skimming against his scalp. I watched his mouth curl up at the corners.

“Kenny,” I murmured softly, nudging my nose against his playfully. “_Kussuru_.”

He growled, his hands slipping down along my hips and curling around my thighs. Kenny lifted me from the floor. I let out a squeal and wrapped my legs around his waist. My pulse climbed into my throat as I felt the length of him pressing against me. Even though I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, adrenaline blurred in with the heat that spilled into my veins at his touch.

Kenny pressed his face against my throat, his lips leaving bites and hot flicks of his tongue against my skin. I dug my fingers into his hair, gripping and tugging playfully. He moaned against my flesh, his hold on me only getting tighter in his desperation.

My back smacked against the wall. He ground himself against me, his hands now free to slither beneath my shirt. His fingers trembled along my skin as he swept his thumbs against the line of my ribs. Kenny’s mouth captured mine again. This time, his teeth nipped at my bottom lip and tugged.

I arched into him, his name spilling out of me in a whimper. My core pressed against his cock… and his control snapped.

He slid me down the wall, putting me on my feet. “Off,” he commanded, tugging his shirt over his head. His stark blue gaze ran over my entire body. “_Ofu. Ima._”

Every inch of my body crackled with electricity. Even with my fingers shaking with the intensity of the moment, I made quick work of getting out of my clothes. The moment I kicked my pants to the side, Kenny snatched me up again.

The wall was cool against my feverish skin as he all but tore my bra away. He dipped his head and took my nipple into his mouth, sucking and tugging gently with his teeth. I curled my fingers around the back of his head, keeping him in place.

Kenny didn’t give me a moment to catch my breath. As he gave attention to my breasts, one hand slipped between my thighs and pushed my underwear aside. His fingers stroked teasingly before he pushed between my folds and circled around my clit. I let out a yelp that made me arch against him. He took the opportunity to press one finger into me, pumping slowly until he worked in a second.

He worked them in and out of me, his thumb circling my clit until I was so close to the edge that I wanted to cry. Before I could tumble into my orgasm, Kenny drew back. He grinned as he brought his fingers to his mouth and licked them slowly. I wanted to faint at the sight of it.

I tightened my hold in his hair, dragging him into a kiss. My tongue flicked against his, dizzy with the taste of myself for the first time. I moaned against his mouth as he settled me into place, tilted my hips, and thrust into me.

Every move slammed me back against the wall, but I didn’t care. Kenny held me by the hips and thrust into me with abandon. It was all I could do to keep my grip on his shoulders. He rolled his hips with every thrust, pushing me closer and closer to the edge.

When my orgasm hit, it took my breath away. It started low in my belly and exploded outward into my fingers and toes. I whimpered, hiding my face against his neck as the waves started all over again.

Kenny panted, grunting as his movements became erratic. He thrust upward at the same time he pulled me down. I felt the shudder that went through his entire body.

“Shaye,” he groaned, “my Shaye.”

He pressed gentle kisses against my cheeks and along the bridge of my nose. An arm slipped around my back, holding me in place as he stumbled back to the sofa. He plopped down, stretching out and settling me on top.

It was silent for a while. The only sound was the desperate gasps as we tried to catch our breath. He toyed with my hair with one hand, the other rubbing slow strokes up and down my back.

“Did you mean it?” I asked at last, feeling sleep tugging at the edge of my mind.

He hummed a response. The deepening of his breathing signaled he was on the cusp of dozing off as well.

“Am I really yours?” I whispered.

Kenny tightened his hold. “If you want to be.”

“_Hai_,” I murmured just before the warmth of his steady hold dragged me down to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_(GIF owned by leelakiowolff on Tumblr)_

“We can go out on one of the boats if you’d like,” Kenny said from his place beside me. We stood side by side, leaning against the steel rail on the edge of the Yokohama Marina. The water lapped a few feet below us, bringing a nice cooling breeze that ruffled through our hair.

I propped my chin up on my folded arms, closing my eyes and breathing in the scent of saltwater. His fingertips cascaded gently along my cheek and into my hair. The open air felt good along my skin, and it made me feel both melancholy and bold. Time was slipping by faster than I wanted. I knew that the time was coming that I would have to leave and that it might mean the end of whatever Kenny and I had. And while the thought made me sad, it made me want to make the most of every moment.

But I couldn’t stop the thoughts of what the future might bring.

“Kenny?” His name had a familiar shape on my tongue. “What happens when my stay here is over?”

I felt his fingers settle against the back of my head, thumb brushing my scalp slowly. He stepped closer to settle his forehead against my hair. The heat of his breath skimmed the curve of my cheek. “I don’t know.”

My body turned on its own. I wrapped my arms around his middle and pressed my cheek against his chest. Tears bubbled up on my lashes. “If it ends…” I began, speaking slowly to keep my voice from shaking.

Kenny took my face between his palms, tilting my head up to look at him. The breeze blew his already messy curls into a disaster. “Don’t,” he pled quietly. “Don’t think like that.”

He pressed his mouth against my forehead. His calloused fingers stroked gently along the skin beneath my eyes. I felt the tears slip down against his thumbs. I opened my mouth, ready to say something, but I couldn’t manage to get the words out.

“_Koibito_,” he murmured as he left little kisses along my brow. “I don’t know how this works. I’m not good at this even under easy circumstances. But not having you… I can’t accept that. I just can’t.”

Kenny gathered me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me. I clung to him as I let myself cry. The last month had been the best of my life. I knew that I felt more for him than I had a right to. That I was setting myself up for a heartbreak by even thinking that he might feel the same. That we might be able to do something impossible.

“Shaye.” He said my name like it pained him. “I’m yours. If you want me to be, I’m yours.”

I swallowed hard and tried to breathe through the sobs. My face turned toward the wind. I gasped one lungful after another of sea air as I tried to pull myself together. Every moment was precious on the ticking clock that was our time together. Kenny tightened his hold, resting his cheek on the top of my head.

His chest expanded beneath my cheek as he drew in a deep breath. He curled his fingers gently against the back of my neck. “Please, Shaye,” he whispered fiercely. “Please just tell me… tell me…” His jaw bunched as he ground his teeth. “_Fuck it_. Look at me.”

Kenny disentangled our limbs and stepped back. I wanted to snatch at his shirt to pull him closer again. He snatched my hands within his long, nimble fingers and stooped to look me in the eye. “I love you, Shaye Walker. I know I shouldn’t, but I don’t care. I love you.”

He took both my hands in one of his and slid the other against the curve of my neck, thumb pressed into the soft spot beneath my chin. His blue eyes were maniacally bright as he searched my face. “Please, Shaye, just tell me. Tell me you love me.” His voice dropped, sounding suddenly small and desperate. “Do you?”

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the world. No matter how deeply I breathed, I couldn’t get any oxygen. There was a roaring in my ears that sounded like a runaway train. For a moment, I was on the edge of panic.

The strength of Kenny’s grip—though not nearly enough to hurt—relaxed. The fingers along my neck curled up around the back of my head. “I’m sorry,” he soothed as he wrapped me once again in his arms. “I shouldn’t have said it like that.”

I dragged in a breath, feeling my lungs burning as the panic bled out of me. “Kenny, I…”

“Shh,” he said, stroking my hair gently. “You don’t have to…”  
“I love you, too,” I said into his chest. For a moment, it was as if he hadn’t heard me. Then his body shuddered and relaxed, the muscles against my cheek uncoiling their tension. “I know I shouldn’t…”

Kenny kissed my temple. “We do a lot of things we shouldn’t, _koibito_. But this isn’t one of them.”

***

I woke up curled beneath a blanket on the sofa in my flat. The sun slanted through the windows, letting me know that it was late evening. I didn’t entirely remember coming back from the marina, but I had a vague memory of Kenny carrying me into the flat. Where he’d gone after that… I didn’t know.

The events of the day came back in fits and starts. I felt sick thinking of how horribly I’d handled everything. Instead of enjoying being with Kenny in the moment, I’d pushed my thoughts toward an uncertain future that stole the joy of being with him. My panic and desperation had forced him to say something that he wasn’t ready for and didn’t mean.

I sat up, my head spinning and throbbing just behind my eyes. Sandpaper lined my eyelids as I blinked, trying to clear my thoughts. I looked up and saw Kenny sitting a steaming plate of rice and vegetables on the table next to a glass of water and a blank white coffee shop cup. He glanced back and saw that I was awake. A soft smile curled the corners of his lips. He wiped his palms on his shorts and gestured to the table.

“I thought you might be hungry,” he said sheepishly. “I found some shrimp in your freezer…”

My head gave a nasty throb as I got to my feet. An instant later, I felt Kenny at my side. He settled one hand at the base of my spine and guided me slowly to the table. The scent of sweet vegetables and steamed shrimp wafted up from the plate and made my mouth water. But that wasn’t what truly got my attention. There was another scent, one that made me think of arcades and first kisses.

“Is that…?” I pointed at the coffee cup, not waiting for a response before I reached out and wrapped my fingers around the beverage. The moment I popped the tab on the top, I was overcome with the delicious aroma of… “Vietnamese coffee.”

Every ache in my body melted away when I took the first sip. Kenny’s smile burned bright as he slipped into the chair nearby. He propped his elbow on the edge of the table, resting his cheek on his fist.

I took the first few bites of the meal he’d made, nearly swooning at how good it tasted. Maybe I was hungry. Maybe it was just delicious. And maybe I was finally letting myself enjoy a quiet moment with this man who I loved more than I should.

“Didn’t you… didn’t you get yourself any?” I asked, looking over at him.

He shook his head, the corners of his mouth turning down playfully. “Nah.”

I moved the plate and coffee cup so that it sat between us. Then I passed him my fork, even when he protested. I got to my feet and slipped past him to the kitchen to grab another. My fingers slid over his broad shoulders as I came back to the table. Just before I sat down, I pressed a firm, lingering kiss to the top of his head.

“_Watashinoie_,” he said, leaning against me.

For a moment, time stood still. There was no future to dread. All that we had was that instant together, sharing a plate and Vietnamese coffee in the falling dark.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

_(GIF owned by stardust79260 on Tumblr)_

The sun was bright as we slipped in the back entrance of the arena. Kenny led me by the hand, grinning the whole way. There was excitement burning off him in a haze as he maneuvered through a maze of hallways filled with rolling crates and people who called hellos at him as we passed.

“Are you sure I’m allowed back here?” I asked, looking around, waiting for someone to see me and send me away.

“You’re with me, _koibito_,” he replied as he tugged me in to curl against his side. “Besides, there’s a couple people I’d like you to meet.”

My heart sped up, thumping hard at a surge of adrenaline. In the weeks that I’d been in Tokyo and spent time with Kenny, I’d never met any of his friends. Of course, he was gone every so often to do these wrestling shows or promotions or whatever, but I’d never gone along with him. He’d leave me a list of things I should do to enjoy every minute I had in Tokyo. When he came back from these trips of his, if I’d missed something on the list, we’d go do it together. But never, in any of that time, had he mentioned me meeting his friends.

It looked like that was about to change.

Kenny bounced up on his toes, looking around for something or someone in particular. I knew the moment he found it. His hand squeezed mine tightly as he pulled me forward. We sidestepped people moving heavy lighting equipment and skirted around headset wearing production assistants. At last, we seemed to be wherever Kenny had been heading. The door had a paper sign taped to it with a skull and crossbones—only the crossbones were guns—and the words _Locker Room_ underneath.

He knocked hard twice and then pushed the door open. “Put your dicks away, lady coming through!” he yelled into the room.

Somewhere inside came a response. “If it’s Brandi, she’s already seen it.”

Kenny laughed. “Definitely not Brandi.” He peeked around the door for a moment and then glanced back, gesturing me inside. I followed along, staying hidden just behind him.

There were five guys in the room in various states of dress. One of them—the one with long, dark brown hair and mutton shops—came over with a wide smile. He fist bumped Kenny before catching sight of me. “You’ve got to be Shaye,” he said with excitement as he stuck out his hand. “I’m Matt.”

“No shit,” said a black-haired man with a British accent. “Shaye’s real?”

“Shut up, Marty,” retorted a tall, broad shouldered blond. He grinned. “Ignore Marty. He’s an idiot. I’m Adam.”

Kenny tugged gently on my hand, drawing me out to stand beside him. His arm wound around my waist, squeezing firmly on my hip in comfort. I glanced up at him, suddenly shy in front of these people who meant so much to him.

“Hi,” I said after a moment’s hesitation. I looked from Matt to Marty and then to Adam, committing names and faces to memory. Then I looked at the other two. I remembered them from one of the matched I’d watched just after Kenny and I met. “You’re Nick, right? And Cody?”

A guy with platinum hair grinned. When he spoke, there was a faint lisp. “Yeah. Nice to meet you, Shaye.”

“Can you guys do me a favor?” Kenny asked. “Keep Shaye company for just a few minutes. I need to go find Ibushi.”

“You got it,” Matt said, dramatically holding out an elbow in my direction. Kenny smiled at me just before dropping a kiss on my hair and slipping out the door. “This way, m’lady.”

It didn’t take long for me to get comfortable with the guys who called themselves the Bullet Club. Matt and Nick kept up a running commentary of jokes and nonsense. Nick even tried a few magic tricks… all of which failed miserably but made me laugh nonetheless. Adam seemed to be the quiet type, and Marty was sprawled out on the floor with a needle and thread. Cody kept stepping out into the hallway with his phone.

“So, who’s Ibushi?” I asked after a while. It was beginning to feel like Kenny had been gone forever. Matt and Nick looked at each other, seemingly having a conversation without words. Something about it made my heart fall into my stomach. “What?”

“Ibushi is Kenny’s old tag-team partner. They were a huge deal before he joined up with us,” Nick said flatly. “They’re still kinda friends.”

“Kinda?” I felt my brows lift toward my hair.

Matt sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Kota Ibushi is the reason Kenny came to Japan in the first place. They have… _history_.”

The way he said it made a lightbulb go off in my head. I slumped back against the wall, my fingers tangling together in my lap. “_Oh_,” was all I could say.

Nick elbowed his brother hard, saying something to him with clenched teeth. But I didn’t hear any of it. My thoughts were somewhere else. I’d wondered, after some of the things he’d said, if Kenny was like me. If he liked guys as much as he seemed to like girls. I’d never asked since it wasn’t any of my business. We weren’t… together…

_Were we?_

There was a hard couple raps on the door before it pushed open again. Kenny slipped into the room first, followed by someone who looked everything like Adonis. He had dark brown eyes and matching shaggy hair. Even in street clothes, it was clear that he was… stacked. He was muscular in a way that made him look bigger than Kenny, even though he was at least an inch or so shorter.

Kenny turned to who I assumed was Kota Ibushi and grinned, something in his blue eyes brightening. His whole face seemed to light up. He looked like… like he was in love…

When he looked away and set his eyes on me, I could have sworn some of the light faded from his gaze. “Shaye, this is Kota Ibushi. _Ibutan, Kore wa watashi no... Kore wa _Shaye Walker.”

“_Kon'nichiwa_,” Ibushi said, bowing his head in my direction. He smiled faintly before looking back at Kenny, quickly forgetting that I was even there. The two quickly fell into a conversation in rapid Japanese.

They clearly didn’t need me.

I stood there for a moment, biting my lip and feeling awkward and stupid. Matt sidled over, standing just next to me. When I glanced upward, he gave me a faintly sad smile. I drew a deep breath and turned, squeezing out the door, tears dripping silently down my cheeks. My heart ached desperately.

“Hey!” Footsteps chased after me, an unfamiliar hand snatching my wrist. I turned to see Nick standing behind me. His voice softened when he saw the tears. “Hey, Shaye… Are you… you’re not okay, but are you _okay_?”

I nodded even as I wiped the tears angrily from my face. It didn’t matter, I could feel more burning like acid behind my eyes. They cascaded down my cheeks until I couldn’t breathe. My chest ached. The world started to tip sideways.

“Shaye!” Nick lurched forward just as something black took over my vision. I felt his arms close around me, catching me before I slammed into the concrete. One hand cradled the back of my head, the other was curled tight around my back. “Shaye?”

The black deepened, and I stopped worrying. Stopped thinking.

The last thing I saw before I lost consciousness was Nick Jackson’s face.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

_(GIF owned by wrestlingsmarkmatty on Tumblr)_

“Hey, she’s waking up.”

My eyes opened slowly, blinking in the dim light of the room I was in. I could tell there were at least two other people in there with me, and I clearly recognized the voice of the speaker.

“Nick? Where am I?” I tried to sit up, but a gentle, firm hand on my shoulder pushed me back down. My head swam almost as soon as I tried to move.

“One of the med rooms,” he replied quietly. “You scared the shit out of me. Are you okay?”

“I think so.” I turned slowly to look at Nick, who was sitting on the floor nearby. Someone else was leaning against the wall a few feet away. “What happened?”

“You passed out.” _Ah_, I thought as I heard the other voice. _Matt. The brother who doesn’t sugarcoat things. _

“You were having a panic attack or something, I think.” Nick tilted his head, watching me with something like concern. Even in the dim light, I could see his eyes were a faded blue. “Do you remember it?”

I took a breath and tried to force myself to relax. Images came floating back. The world, hazy black around the edges, becoming nothing but Nick’s face. Running down the hall, tears streaking my face. A hand on my wrist, turning to see Nick’s face. Sitting in the Bullet Club locker room with Matt and Nick, watching the younger Jackson brother do bad magic tricks. Kenny… My eyes burned. I didn’t want to think about the next part.

In a moment, my heart dropped into my toes. The image was perhaps the clearest of all—Kenny looking at Kota Ibushi with absolute and pure love in his eyes.

I blinked, trying not to start crying again. “Yeah,” I said after a while. My voice cracked a little. “I remember.”

Nick’s hand settled on top of mine and squeezed gently. There was a rustle by the door as Matt pulled it open. “I’m going to find Kenny.”

Quiet settled over the room. I closed my eyes and tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to come again. Part of me was angry. I felt like Kenny had lied to me somehow, that he had led me on and let me believe that there was more between us than there was. But there was another part of me that was almost relieved. It wouldn’t drag on for another two months. I wouldn’t leave Japan with a freshly broken heart, just a partially healed one.

“He really likes you, Shaye,” Nick said after a while. “More than likes you, I think. He talks about you a lot.”

I swallowed hard, suddenly wanting to be alone. “But he doesn’t look at me like that.”

“Kota…” Nick began. I heard him shuffling around for a moment. “When Kenny moved to Japan, Kota was all he had. There’s some history there that…”

“You don’t have to explain.” I reached out and found my fingers twined with his.

The quiet this time was a little less oppressive. I felt a little less alone. Whatever bad had come out of this night, I’d at least gained a new friend. I was grateful for Nick Jackson’s kindness.

Kenny appeared at the door, not even bothering to knock. Nick slid his hand out of mine in a flash, far too fast for Kenny to have noticed. Matt stood just outside, staring at his brother with wide eyes and jerking his head toward the hallway.

“I’m… uh… I’m just gonna go get packed up,” Nick said as he stood up. He looked back at me, a little bit of worry creasing his brow, as he crossed to the door. Kenny gave him a fist bump just before he slipped out into the hall with his brother.

“_Koibito_, are you okay?” Kenny asked softly, kneeling in the floor beside me. His fingers caught my hand and wrapped it in both of his. “What happened?”

I blinked hard. I wanted to cry at just the sight of him. “Panic attack, I guess. I feel fine now.”

“Do you want to go back to the hotel? I can take you back.” He looked up at the wall as if he was thinking very hard. “It’ll be tight getting back before the match, but I can manage.”

“No,” I whispered, forcing myself to sit up. I supposed it was a good sign when the world didn’t tip sideways. “Don’t worry about it. I can get a taxi.”

“Shaye, I can’t let you go back by yourself. You’ve never been in the city before, and if you got lost… no,” he shifted his hands up, releasing my own as he brushed his palm against my cheek, fingers digging into my hair. “If something happened to you, my _saiai no_…”

Kenny leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine, the tension in his shoulders relaxing as I gave in, returning his kiss almost desperately. I felt like I had two hearts—one that was soaring at being the object of Kenny’s attention and a second that felt like shards of glass—both pounding furiously in my chest. He brushed my hair back from my face, curling his fingers around the back of my neck and tugging me closer.

We broke apart panting. Kenny settled his forehead against mine, his hot breath spilling over my skin. I ached in a way I couldn’t explain. “I love you, _koibito_,” he said softly.

Both hearts thumped in unison. It sucked the air from my lungs. “I love you, too, Kenny,” I replied, the words tasting like honey and vinegar. I knew I meant them in the sweetest way, but they were vile on my tongue as I thought of how it wasn’t the same… it wasn’t enough.

There was a knock on the door. Kenny looked up, his body relaxing even more when he saw who it was. I didn’t have to look. Didn’t have to wait to hear the smoothly rapid Japanese to know it was Kota. I heard my name once or twice, but tuned it out. It took all my strength to keep myself from bursting into tears again.

“Hey, Ken,” came Matt’s voice from the hallway. “We’re headed back to the hotel. Cody and Hangman are seconds tonight. Nick’s… he’s got a headache or some shit.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow… Matt!” Kenny stood up so fast it made my head spin. “Can you guys take Shaye back with you? She needs to lie down, but I don’t want her to go back by herself.”

“Sure,” Matt replied, glancing over his shoulder at something. My money was on his brother. “I’ll go flag down the Uber.”

Nick appeared at the door, eyes immediately landing on me. I looked away, feeling somehow ashamed. God, this wasn’t the way I thought this night would go. “C’mon, Shaye. You hungry? We’ll order room service.”

“Thanks, Bucks,” Kenny said, reaching out to fist bump Nick. It seemed to be their official bro handshake. He turned back to me, holding my hands as I stood up. Once he was sure I wasn’t going to fall over again, he brushed my hair back over my shoulder, his thumb brushing a tender spot behind my ear that made me shiver. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

He dug in his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and handed over a hotel key as he told him the room number. Nick took it between his fingers and tucked it in the pocket of his jacket. Then he looked back at me and held out his hand.

“Just in case,” he said by way of explanation.

Kenny kissed the top of my head as I walked by, mumbling a quiet “_Oyasuminasai_” to Kota Ibushi as I passed. Nick’s hand folded gently over mine as I joined him in the hallway. I sniffled and clenched my jaw.

“Can we get some shots with that room service?” I asked as we left out the side exit of the arena. Matt was already waiting by the curb, a car idling next to him.

Nick smiled. It was just a turn up of one side of his mouth, but it was a smile nonetheless. “Sure. But if you’re looking for a drinking buddy, that’s Hangman. Not us.”

I rolled my eyes. “Good. Because I’m not sharing. I’m getting wasted.”


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

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I sat against the headboard in the Bucks’ hotel room, a plate balanced on one knee with a third Jack and Coke in my hand. Two empty glasses sat on the bedside table. Another waited in the fridge. Matt was at the desk tearing through what looked like the best burger ever made. Nick sat in the chair in the corner, a half-eaten steak on the plate in his lap.

“How you doing over there, Shaye?” Matt asked, leaning back in the desk chair. There was a clear look of disapproval in his eyes.

Of course, I could have been mistaken. Things were starting to look more than a little blurry right then. “I’m great. Just peachy, Matt. Perfectly, perfectly peachy.”

“Uh huh,” the older Jackson replied. “Is that you or the Jack talking?”

I rolled my eyes and made a spluttering noise. “Psh.” I waved my empty hand in his direction. “Me. Obv—obv—clearly.”

“_Clearly_,” Marr responded, his brows lifting toward his hairline. “Well, you can’t have the last one.”

“Bullshit,” I slurred.

“No, Matt’s right,” Nick said sternly, putting his plate aside. He stood up and smoothly snatched the half-empty glass from my fingers. He quickly replaced it with a bottle of water. “Drink this.”

I looked up at Nick blearily. “Hmm, and I thought you were the fun one.”

He smiled, a little sideways, white teeth flashing, blue eyes bright. “So, your idea of fun is getting shitfaced?”

There were words on the tip of my tongue, but they didn’t come out. Because, suddenly, all I could think about was the way Kenny had looked at Kota. How I completely disappeared in his presence.

The moment I gave myself a chance to think about it, to really feel it, my eyes burned. The tears came before I could catch them. One by one then suddenly a torrent that wouldn’t stop. I gasped, trying to get a breath in my lungs, but it wouldn’t come. My hands shook, sending splashes of water and bits of my leftover dinner all over the duvet. There was a heavy weight in my chest as panic settled in.

“Shaye?” Nick’s voice came from somewhere very far away. It was like I was underwater, hardly able to hear him, his face swimming in front of me. “Hey. Hey.”

The bed bounced beneath me. I caught the sound of something heavy hitting the carpet. Fingers curled around my neck, palms cradled my jaw, thumbs pressed into my cheeks. Just hard enough to draw my attention away from the terror that flooded my veins.

“Shaye, look at me. Focus.” The hands holding my face shook firmly, thumbs digging into my cheekbones. “Focus on me, Shaye.”

Air burned as it slipped into my lungs. It ached enough to cut through my panic, to give me a moment to bring Nick’s face into clarity. I searched his face and focused on his eyes.

“Breathe, Shaye. Deep breaths,” he said slowly. He reached out and pulled one of my hands against his chest, pressing my palm flat over his heart. He breathed in slowly, his chest expanding beneath my fingers, then out. Again. And again. “Follow me. In… out…”

I tried to match my own shuddering gasps to his easy breaths. I counted the beats of his heart and found my panic ebbing away. One thump after another, my breath came easier, deeper. The tears tried on my cheeks. My fingers flexed against Nick’s chest as I settled back into myself again.

Matt was there, standing just behind his brother and watching me with dark eyes filled with concern. But there was something else hidden in his gaze. It was a look that made my heart plummet into my stomach. It was pity. A horrible, knowing, bone-deep sort of pity.

“Hey, look at me,” Nick commanded, his voice stern yet smooth. I sat perfectly still as he surveyed my face. Slowly, I became aware of the feel of his hand against my cheek, his fingers brushing the nape of my neck, his thumb stroking the skin just in front of my ear. His free hand curled against mine, pressed it against his chest. “You okay?”

I blinked and swallowed hard. “I think so.”

For a moment, the room was heavy with silence. Nick seemed to realize he was still touching me and let go quickly, as if the contact burned. He turned his attention to picking up food from the floor. The thump I’d heard was the sound of my plate falling off the bed. I’d made a horrible mess in their room. The duvet was covered with ranch dressing and crouton breadcrumbs.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” I said, slipping off the bed into the floor. My head swam at the movement. Clearly the alcohol was still firmly in my system. “Let me…”

Nick waved me away. “I’ll get it. You just lie down before you pass out on me again.”

I climbed back onto the bed, careful to avoid making a bigger mess than I already had. Matt reappeared from the bathroom and handed me a damp towel. I started scrubbing at the stains on the duvet, and he chuckled.

“That was for your head,” he said, stepping forward to take the towel from my fingers. “I’ve got this. Nick is right. Go lie down on the other bed while we get this cleaned up.”

***

Voices pulled me up from the depths of sleep. They were soft enough that they were clearly trying to avoid waking me, but I heard them anyway.

“We’ve told him for how long now, Matt?” Nick’s voice was nearby, close enough that I was certain he was sitting on the mattress next to me.

The response came from further away, almost muffled on the other side of Nick. He must have been on the other bed. “I know. I know. But you can’t make yourself get over something like that. Kenny and Kota were on another level.”

“If he’s not over Kota, then he’s got no business getting into _whatever_ with someone else.” The bed bounced a little. I was sure now that Nick was sitting up next to me. “It isn’t fair. She met Kota for all of two seconds and she knew. And Kenny’s a fucking dumbass if he doesn’t see what happened for exactly what it is.”

“A cry for attention?” Matt’s words were harsh, but the tone of his voice wasn’t. Even without knowing him well, I could imagine the curious quirk of his brows and the downturn of his mouth.

Nick sighed nearby. “No. Listen, you’ve heard how Kenny talks about Shaye. Yeah, it’s butterflies and rainbows and shit. But it’s nothing compared to how he talks about Kota and you know it.”

“They’ve known each other a month, Nick.”

Whatever response Nick had was drowned out by knocking on the door. I heard the rustle of fabric and the pad of feet against carpet, then the click of the lock and the faint whoosh of the door as it opened. “Hey, Bucks,” Kenny said just a little too loud. There was a hint of concern beneath his words. “Shay’s not in our room.”

“Yeah,” Matt replied quietly. “We got dinner and she… she fell asleep, so we just left her alone.”

I squirmed, being deliberate about showing I was awake. I blinked slowly as I stretched out my arms and legs. When I sat up properly, I caught sight of Kenny leaning against the wall at the end of the bed. He was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, his two-toned curls still tamp from a shower. The corners of his mouth lifted with a smile as our eyes met.

“Come on, _koibito_,” he said, reaching out his hand. “Let me get my sleepy girl to bed for good.”

It took a moment for my feet to follow directions. I stumbled a little as I tried to put on my shoes and grab my bag. Nick held out the latter, his fingers warm when they brushed my own. I smiled at him, taking my time looking into his eyes. “Thanks, Nick. For everything.”

“I’m useless, I guess,” Matt said with a grin. He gave me a gentle squeeze on the bicep. “Get some sleep, Shaye. You look like hell.”

“Gee, thanks, Matt,” Kenny said in response. He wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to the door. A moment later we’d slipped out into the hallway and were headed toward the elevator. “Are you okay?”

I clutched my bag against my chest, unsure how to respond. Physically? I was fine. Emotionally? I was confused. There were so many thoughts going through my head that I didn’t know what I felt. Nick was right… Kenny and I barely knew each other. And maybe what we both called love was little more than an infatuation with a timeclock. But I didn’t want to believe that. I wanted to believe that there was something real between us.

Maybe there was. But was it enough to mean anything compared to how Kenny felt about Kota Ibushi?

“Yeah,” I said at last, knowing I’d probably taken too long to respond. “I’m good.”

Kenny leaned against the wall while we waited for the elevator. He brushed his fingertips against my cheek. “Something’s off, Shaye. What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t help myself. I leaned into his touch, wishing that everything could just be like before. “_Nanimonai_.”

“_Koibito_…” He settled his palm along the side of my neck, thumb stroking the line of my jaw. “You’re pale. Your eyes are red. You’ve been crying. Tell me what’s wrong, please.”

I bit my lip, trying to decide if I should say anything. The conversation I’d overheard in the Bucks’ room still echoed in my ears. Kenny watched me, his fingers brushing against the nape of my neck.

The elevator dinged before I could respond. And I was glad for it.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

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Kenny sat on the edge of the bed next to me just out of reach. He watched me with those blue-green eyes of his as if he could see right through me. For a moment, he didn’t say anything. And then…

“I thought you’d like meeting the… meeting _my friends_,” he said almost too quiet to hear. He looked at his hands. “They’ve wanted to meet you for a while.”

I bunched a pillow up in my lap and held onto it like a security blanket. “I did like meeting them. They were nice.” I breathed deeply to stop the tears before they could come. “Matt and Nick were great… they didn’t have to look after me like they did.”

He nodded. “They’re my best friends. And they liked you.”

I blinked, surprised at that. My stomach turned upside down as I tried to hold onto the tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, and I couldn’t understand why. He leaned closer, his fingertips settling against my ankle.

“_Koibito_,” he said softly. “Why won’t you look at me?”

My chest ached and I bit down hard on my lip to stop the sob growing inside me. I wanted to ask, but I didn’t know if I had the courage to deal with the answer. “Because it hurts.”

He moved even closer, the hand on my ankle going to press gently on my cheek. I felt the gentle nudge of his fingers as he tried to lift my head to meet his eyes. “Shaye… talk to me. Please.”

I couldn’t ignore the pleading in his voice. When I met his gaze, my vision blurred with tears. “I wish you looked at me the way you looked at Kota.” The words spilled out before I could catch them back. Part of me wanted to hate myself for the way he flinched as if he’d been struck. But I couldn’t help the fact that I was desperate to know what he would say.

“Shaye,” his voice was desperate, breaking on my name as he crawled up the bed to sit knee-to-knee with me. “Kota isn’t…” He blinked, eyes filling with tears of his own. “Kota was a long time ago. _You_ are right now.”

“Am I going to be more than just right now, Kenny?” I asked pitifully. “Because you don’t look at Kota like it was a long time ago. You look at him like he’s everything to you.”

He wrapped his fingers around my wrists and tugged me into his lap. For a moment, I tried to struggle out of his grasp, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen. He was stronger than me and, even though I was hurt beyond anything else I’d ever known, I wanted to be close to him. As if I could sense the end of this racing to a desperate and unhappy finish.

Kenny pressed his forehead against mine and cradled the back of my head with his hand. “Kota was… I had a really hard time for a long time,” he explained softly, “about who I was. I uprooted my entire life because of Kota Ibushi. As far I was concerned, I was going to be the best wrestler in the world. And to be the best, I had to compete with the best—he was it. The first time we got in a match together… there was something there that I’d never been brave enough to acknowledge before. He… he let me be who I really was, and he loved me for it. I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am if it wasn’t for him.”

I felt my heart breaking. Whether it was for him or for the shadow of what we had been or could be I didn’t know. Before I could take a breath to speak, Kenny went on.

“My career is built on the time I spent with Kota Ibushi. Everything I am is because of him. I love… loved…” Kenny’s entire body shuddered as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me hard and fully against him. “I love him, Shaye. And I always will. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you."

“Is it really love?” I murmured, hardly able to breathe in his desperate hold. “We both knew this was going to end.”

“Don’t… please don’t say that…” he pled, carding his fingers through my hair, cupping my face in his hands. “I don’t want this to end. Is that what you want, _koibito, watashinoie, watashi no kokoro_?”

I’d learned enough at last to know what he said. _Sweetheart. My home. My heart_. The words sliced straight to the center of me, carving themselves on the flesh of my heart. Tears slid down his face over cheeks that had gone faintly red. He looked miserable, his eyes glassy with tears, his brows knit together in desperation.

“Please, Shaye,” he whimpered, sniffling. “I love _you_. I know it like I know my own mind.”

Kenny went quiet, as if he’d poured out everything he could. Every part of me ached, inside and out, but I couldn’t speak. All I could do was wrap my arms around him and cradle his head against my shoulder as he cried. I let my fingers walk through his curls even as I finally let myself give over to my own sobs. He held me so tightly… as if he feared I would vanish… as if he was desperate for the connection to soothe his raw heart.

The silence stretched out and, before we knew it, sleep pushed us over into a tangle on the mattress. We slept knotted around each other.

***

There was a faint unease between us when we went downstairs the next morning. The ghost of Kota Ibushi still hovered over us, but in a very different way than before. Kenny stayed close to me, like he was waiting for me to bolt away. His fingers skimmed my arms and my back whenever he was near enough to touch me. The tenderness in those touches burned into my skin and right down into my bones. I held onto them, knowing my heart squeezed painfully, the air rushing out of my lungs, every time I thought about never feeling them again.

The other members of the Bullet Club were already waiting in the lobby, standing in a loose circle. Nick smiled when we stepped off the elevator, and I waved good morning. He looked quickly between Kenny and me before turning to his brother. The two of them had a low conversation as we crossed the lobby. As we got closer, I noticed the shaggy chestnut hair that belonged to Kota Ibushi.

He nodded his head at me, his dark gaze going immediately after to Kenny. I didn’t have to look up to know that they were watching one another. They were drawn together like magnets, and I was going to be torn apart by their orbit. Kenny’s hand swept flat onto the small of my back, thumb stroking a line up and down my spine.

“How you feeling today, Shaye?” Nick asked when we got closer. “You good?”

I smiled, though I knew it didn’t reach my eyes. “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks again… for everything.”

He pressed his lips into a thin line and gave me a jerky sort of nod. Then he turned away, something like hurt in his eyes.

“I’m going to go see if they have any of that Vietnamese coffee,” I murmured against Kenny’s bicep. Before I could walk away, he leaned down and pressed a fleeting kiss to my hair.

Matt dropped into the space beside me. “I heard coffee, so I’m following you,” he offered by way of explanation. “Seriously though, you okay?”

I took a moment to think about it. My emotions were raw and brutal in a way that I’d never known before. The memory of Kenny holding me so desperately as he cried filled my thoughts. “I don’t know. Kenny and I… well, we talked. We ended up somewhere, I just don’t know where.”

“Let me tell you something about Kenny,” Matt said gently. “He’s got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. And he loves… _hard_. There’s no halfway with him, Shaye. Even though it hurts him every single time, he goes all in with his heart.”

“He told me about Kota. Some of it anyway.”

Matt gave me a halfhearted smile, eyes still burning with pity. “That’s a long story to tell. It took him a long time to tell us all of it.”

I stopped, a paper cup in my hand, thoughts of coffee forgotten for a moment. “Am I making a mistake, Matt? He says you’re his best friends—you and Nick—and you… I don’t think you sugar coat things for people. So tell me the truth. Am I making a mistake with Kenny?”

He glanced back toward the huddled group. I followed his gaze to find Kenny talking with Kota. As if he knew I was watching, he looked up and gifted me with a sweet, hopeful smile. And, though he fell easily back into his conversation, he didn’t look away from us.

“No,” he said after a moment. “No, I don’t think you are.”

Matt and I got our coffee—his traditional American style, mine two cups of Vietnamese style—and walked together back to the group. The ache in my chest had eased a bit after talking with the oldest Buck. I didn’t know how to navigate the waters that awaited, but at least I wouldn’t be going through them alone.

I handed one of the coffees to Kenny, lingering enough to feel our fingertips settle together as he took it. I sipped slowly at the sweet concoction as I listened to the faint buzz of the Bullet Club’s conversations. The sensation of being out of place began to creep in. I pushed it away, giving myself permission to just observe and learn about these people who meant so much to Kenny.

He reached out, tangling his fingers with mine and pulling me in against his side. I found myself staring up at Kota, unsurprised to realize that he was more beautiful the closer he came. A faint sort of understanding settled in my bones. With his easy smile, I could see how Kenny had lost his whole heart to him. And finally watching them together, up close, without my panic threatening to drown me, I could see that the feeling was mutual.

It took a moment for me to realize that Kota was looking at me. Not only was he looking at me, he was _speaking _to me.

“I’m sorry,” I said embarrassingly. “I don’t speak…”

“He said that you are prettier than I said,” Kenny translated, his blue eyes bright. I shook my head at Kota, knowing I looked shocked. The other man nodded and began speaking rapidly, still looking at me, entrusting that Kenny would translate. “He says that he’s sorry that he was rude at the match last night. And that he…”

Kenny paused, blushing. Kota shifted his focus back to him and began to clearly urge him to continue translating. “_Ibutan…_” Kenny stammered, followed by a rapid string of embarrassed Japanese.

“He says that he knows you are important to me...”

“_Anatanokokoroni_,” Kota said, thumping Kenny in the center of his chest.

Kenny sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “He says that he knows you are important to me… to _my heart_… and…” He broke off to whisper something in furious Japanese back to Kota and then turned back to me. He took a deep breath. “Kota says he knows how I feel about you and that… uh… he hopes you come to Japan often. So he can get to know you, too.”

“Shaye-san,” Kota said, his voice almost as sweet as my coffee. He reached out, taking our entwined hand in his own. “_Kentan_.” He held our hands together, said something to Kenny, and stepped away, waving goodbye as he went.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

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Kenny was quiet on the train back to Tokyo. He sat against the window watching the world go by, his nimble fingers settled against his chin and his bottom lip. I spent most of the trip with my head against his shoulder, fingers curled with his. Every now and then he leaned over and put a gentle kiss on my hair. The silence was easy and companionable.

Part of me wondered if he was thinking about Kota, but I tried to stifle the unease from my mind. I’d seen the two of them together and I knew a connection like that wasn’t something that got buried easily. I believed Kenny… I believed Matt… I _believed_ that this was going to work somehow.

It was late afternoon when we slipped back into Kenny’s flat in the Katsushika ward. We stopped on the way back from the train station at the coffee shop for another dose of caffeine and sat in the park people watching. Time slipped away from us and, before we knew it afternoon was fading fast into evening.

Kenny showered and plopped onto the sofa in front of the television while I took my turn. I took my time washing my hair, imagining that every splash of water was a bad memory from the weekend dripping down the drain. The warm steam relaxed my limbs and my mind. When I finally stepped out, I felt almost normal.

I brushed and braided my damp hair and dressed in one of Kenny’s shirts. He was still in front of the television when I padded out of the bathroom. I stepped up behind him and slid my hands over his shoulders and down his chest. He tilted his head back, corners of his mouth tipping upward in a faint smile. There was something soft in his gaze that made him look young and vulnerable. It tugged at my heart, pulling the breath from my lungs.

My fingers brushed the line of his neck and the curve of his jaw. They brushed the two-toned curls from his forehead, making way for me to drop a gentle kiss on his brow.

He reached up and rested his hands against mine. “_Shaytan_,” he murmured, fixing me with that pale blue gaze of his. His fingers brushed along my forearms tenderly. It didn’t escape me that he’d given me a new name, one that was vastly more personal than the others he’d used.

“_Watashi no amai_,” I said with a faint smile, though I knew it bordered on sadness. I wanted, so desperately, to kiss his lips and call him my _Kentan_, but I couldn’t. That honor had been given to Kota Ibushi long ago, and it wasn’t something I expected to be relinquished.

Kenny squeezed his eyes closed, as if he knew my hesitation. I didn’t know if he wanted to hear me call him _Kentan_ and, truth be told, I was far too much of a coward to ask. My heart was already raw from the past twenty-four hours. I didn’t know how much more I could take. When he opened his eyes, the softness was tinged with sadness.

I walked around the sofa and sat facing him on his lap. His palms settled wide on my thighs, thumbs rubbing slow circles on the insides of my knees. I took a deep breath, giving myself permission to stamp his scent into my mind and my heart. That moment, just for a while, he was mine and no one else’s.

I was filled with a sudden and deep-seated desperation to be close to him. Maybe he saw it on my face, or maybe he felt it too. He smoothed his hands up my thighs and beneath the hem of his shirt, curling his fingers into the flesh of my hips and dragging me closer on his lap. My arms draped around his shoulders as I let my forehead rest against his.

He nuzzled against my cheek, bumping his nose against mine. His curls brushed my skin, and his mouth was a hair’s breadth away. My heart raced in my chest. I wanted so much, but didn’t know how to ask for it. But he slipped one hand up against my back and the other along my skull and closed the gap between us. Our lips touched, softly and hesitantly, as if he was afraid to do too much or go too far. My fingers dug into his curls, nails grazing his scalp as I sighed into his kiss, begging silently for more.

Kenny curled his fingertips around the back of my neck, his thumb brushing the tender skin behind my ear, and ran the tip of his tongue against my lips. I whimpered and pressed myself closer to him as he deepened the kiss. It made me dizzy and yet it made me want to cry. There was something hidden beneath the surface, something that scared and excited me all at once.

He drew away, breathing hard, and watched me. I could feel his eyes on me just as surely as I felt his touch. He nudged my jaw up with his thumb. “_Shaytan_, look at me.” He said it so softly, but so certainly that I had no choice but to obey.

I met his blue-eyed gaze and nearly choked on the desperate emotion that I saw. “Kenny…”  
He smiled faintly and shook his head a fraction. “That’s not what I want to hear.”

My throat felt dry. “I can’t… it isn’t mine…”

“It belongs to who I say it does,” he said. He closed his eyes again, resting our foreheads together, and sucked in a deep breath. “It’s yours, Shaye. Just like my heart.”

I wanted to cry. The weight of his emotion was almost too much for me to hold. But he held me against him like I was about to break into pieces and yet like I was the only thing holding him together. “You’ll hear him,” I protested quietly.

“I only hear you,” he replied vehemently. There was steel in his voice but velvet in his touch. “Only you.”

My fingers brushed the dark blond beard along his jaw as I leaned closer and pressed my lips against his. “_Kentan_,” I whispered, feeling his breath hitch against my mouth. He gathered me closer, his lips crashing against mine. It was desperate and consuming. It set my blood on fire and made my heart ache in my chest.

Kenny stood, carrying me with him. He pulled away and smiled at me. It was beautiful and breathtaking and so innocent and open that I couldn’t have denied him anything. We ended up in his bedroom, where he put me down on the bed on my knees. He took the hem of my shirt and pulled gently, slipping the garment up over my head and tossing it onto the floor.

He let his hands roam, ghosting along my arms, along my collarbones, across my breasts and against my belly. His knuckles stroked the side of my throat, finger and thumb capturing my chin as he tipped my face up for another kiss. This one was slow and deliberate, made all the more intense by the slow sweep of his palms along my shoulders and down my back.

The rest of our clothes followed quickly after and soon we lay tangled together beneath the blankets. He tugged me against him, ensuring we were pressed together chest to thigh, and hid his face against my throat, his lips moving in silent prayer against my skin. His hands were never still. They stroked along my arms and traced the rise and fall of my hips and ribs. They teased the flesh of my breasts until I whimpered with desperation. He paid homage to every inch of my body he could reach with his fingertips, whispering against me with every breath.

Kenny rolled onto his back and propped himself up on the pillows. His eyes were filled with something like awe when I straddled his lap, reaching between us to guide him into position. He tucked stray hair behind my ears, biting down on his lip as I rolled and circled my hips, sinking slowly down on his length. My eyes drifted shut as I hit the bottom, feeling him stretch and fill me. He skimmed his palms over my ribs and around my back, resting them on my shoulder blades and pulled me in. Our foreheads met, and I dug my fingers into his curls.

“_Kentan_,” I moaned deeply, rocking my hips back and forth, still seated firmly against him. “_Watashi no_. Mine.”

The heavy, deep-throated groan that vibrated through him sent a wonderful feeling of power into my blood. His fingers curled up over my shoulders, holding me against him as he ground his hips up into mine. It was a desperate sort of sensation—the only movement the incremental circling of my hips and his barely there thrusts. We held each other, tying ourselves to this feeling of him being buried deep inside me, my body trembling around him.

Kenny tipped his chin up, capturing my lips with his. The kiss was slow and burning, deep and yearning, devouring and filling. He tasted like coffee and sweet milk and something even more that made my stomach clench in a desperate desire.

I flexed my thighs and rose up, still lost in the kiss that was stealing my breath and my heart and my soul. Kenny’s fingers tightened on my shoulders to pull me back down. I sank down slowly, relishing the feel of him sliding into me again. He shuddered and broke the kiss, gasping.

“_Shaytan_,” he murmured against my lips. I felt the furrow in his brow against my own and stroked my fingers against his scalp and along the back of his neck. “My heart. My love. My home.” He bucked his hips upward with each word.

My body burned and throbbed and trembled with the force of his emotion. Moment by moment, my hips rose and fell and Kenny held me against him, our kisses turning into something lingering and full of unspoken promises.

When at last the two of us fell over into the abyss of pleasure, both of us were slicked with a sheen of sweat and panting for breath. He gathered me against his chest and tucked my head against his neck. I ached with a sweet sort of exhaustion that swept warm and lingering through my limbs. My fingers twisted lazily through Kenny’s curls as his palms stroked my lower back and hips.

It was quiet for a while. Then I heard the sound of Kenny taking a deep breath, his nose buried in my hair. “It’s only you, Shaye,” he said with certainty. “It’s only you.”

My heart tightened in my chest at the words. I so completely wanted to believe that it was the truth. When I glanced at him… when I saw the way he looked at me… I couldn’t bring myself to deny it. In that moment, I believed.

I believed that for Kenny Omega, there was no one else but me in his heart.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

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Kenny stroked his fingers through my hair, along the line of my throat, the curve of my collarbone. I hummed in contentment as drowsiness skipped around the outskirts of my mind. We were on the balcony of Kenny’s flat, stretched out on a two-person hammock beneath the bright summer sun. It was the last day we had together before he left for a two-week tour of the UK. We were determined to make the most of every moment we had before he had to leave.

“I never thought I’d be here,” Kenny said softly, his lips against my hair. He curled his body around mine, tangling our limbs together.

I nuzzled against the warm muscle of his chest. “Hmm? In a hammock in the sun in a Japanese high rise?”

He chuckled and left sweet gentle kisses along my forehead. “In a hammock in the sun in a Japanese high rise with someone like you, _Shaytan_.”

My heart went a beat too fast at the sound of the pet name he said with such frequency. He’d given it to me like he’d given me his heart and the honesty of his past. I sank into it, into the feeling of peace and safety it brought.

“I never thought I’d be here, either. With anyone, let alone a guy like you,” I replied. My fingertip drew lazy patterns along his stomach and ribs. “I was never brave enough to dream of a guy like you, Kenny Omega.”

I felt his breath hitch in his chest. His heart beat a steady rhythm beneath my ear as we swayed. Kenny took my hand and threaded our fingers together. Warmth slipped through my limbs at the feel of the callouses on his fingers sweeping against my skin.

He pressed his lips to my forehead, his nose buried in my hair, breathing in deeply. “I dreamed of you, Shaye Walker. I might not have seen your face, but I knew it was you. The moment I saw you in the Shinkowa…” He cradled my head in his palm as he nuzzled against me. “My heart stopped in my chest and there was nothing else in the world but you. I _knew_ you were the one I’ve been dreaming about.”

Tears prickled my eyes at the certainty in his voice. I blinked them away. This was a moment everyone dreamed of, wasn’t it? To hear that you were someone’s dream. That they’d waited for you. I’d never given myself permission to want a moment like this. I’d never believed that it could ever be mine.

“_Kentan_,” I murmured against his skin. He held me tighter at the word, and I heard his heart beating out of time.

“That day in the train station, in the cab… I didn’t trust myself,” he whispered, pulling our entwined hands up to his mouth. His lips swept slowly along my knuckles. “I didn’t think it could be real. But the next day… when I saw you again… it had to be real… fate or destiny or _unmei no akai ito_.”

I propped my chin on his chest and looked up at him, my brow furrowing in confusion. He smiled and tucked an arm behind his head. “_Unmei no akai ito_ is literally translated as the red string of destiny. It’s an ancient story that says that there is a match for everyone in the world, and that they are connected by a red thread that will draw them together until it is time for them to meet. Japanese culture says that one end of the thread is tied around the man’s thumb and the other is around his destined bride’s little finger.” He gave a small huff and rolled his eyes. “Traditional notions of love and marriage abound, and I’ve often wondered how the gods work that one out for those of a same-gender persuasion.”

For a moment, I thought of Kota Ibushi. I wondered if Kenny had once thought that it was him on the other end of his red thread. I almost wanted to ask, but I didn’t. This moment was too perfect and too happy to bring in old memories. I looked up at him and smiled as I disentangled our hands, moving to wrap my little finger around his thumb. His blue-green eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled back, kissing the spot where our fingers touched. 

“Hmm,” I replied, moving so that we were eye to eye in the hammock. “Is that why you took me hiking on Tsukubasan? I wouldn’t have thought you were a superstitious guy.”

Kenny bumped the end of his nose into mine. “I wasn’t taking any chances. If we didn’t…” He cleared his throat, hands skimming up the length of my spine to hold me against him. “If I was counting the days with you, I wanted every blessing we could possibly get.”

I took a deep breath, painting the scent of him on my heart until I would know it even in my sleep. He pressed his forehead to mine and slipped his fingers into my hair. His thumb stroked the tender skin behind my ear.

“But I don’t want to count our days, Shaye. Not toward zero.”

***

I stood beside Kenny in the lobby of the train station, waiting for the moment when he had to leave. It was early morning… so early that the sun wasn’t even up yet. We were leaning against the wall in an out of the way corner. A few people had already recognized him and asked for autographs and photos, and, even though he was exhausted, he didn’t turn a single person down. People handed me their cameras to take pictures. Kenny dug a Sharpie out of his bag and signed anything and everything that people put in front of him. He smiled and listened to them, the conversations short as he moved from person to person.

When the last person had walked away, Kenny laced our fingers together and drew me away from the heavy traffic areas. He leaned his back against the wall and pulled me into a hug, propping his chin on the top of my head. He was quiet as he held me, hands splayed over my back. “I love you, _Shaytan_,” he murmured into the silence.

“I love you, too, _Kentan_,” I replied. It amazed me at how his heart skipped a beat whenever I said it. How it seemed like his entire body relaxed, muscles releasing, chest expanding as if he was only just now able to take a full breath.

A voice came over the intercom and his arms tightened around me. It must have been his train. He stroked his fingers through my hair and tipped my face up with his thumbs. His lips came down against mine in a tender kiss that made my heart race against my ribs.

“I’ll text you whenever I can. And I’ll call when I land in London,” he said, a faint sort of panic starting in his eyes. He knew he needed to go, but it was like he couldn’t make himself do it. “Stay in my place. Move in, make yourself at home. I love you, Shaye.”

“Love you too, Kenny,” I said, reaching out and wrapping my little finger around his thumb. He grinned and pressed one last kiss to my forehead before walking off to his platform, backpack hanging off one shoulder as he pulled his rolling suitcase behind.

***

I strolled through the Shinkowa, stopping to browse at some of the shops just to have something to pass the time. I’d picked up the groceries I needed on my way back to Kenny’s apartment after leaving the train station. Then I’d called my mother back in New York to check in. My brother was still two steps from boarding school, and my father was stuck going between London and Paris cleaning up a mess from one of his junior associates. I hoped he didn’t run into Kenny while he was there—small chance that it was.

“_Kon'nichiwa, Satō-san_,” I said as I slipped into a sweets shop near the far end of the gallery, bowing my head at the owner.

“_Kon'nichiwa, U~ōkā-san_,” the owner said with a smile. “Kenny _wa dokodesu ka_?”

It took a moment for me to translate in my head. I was getting better, but still not good enough to hold a long conversation. My brain was just as slow trying to figure out how to answer. Luckily, Mrs. Satō was good friends with Kenny and he’d told her all about me.

“_Nakunatta_,” I replied slowly, knowing I was saying it incorrectly. I held up my thumb and index finger. “_Nishūkan_.”

She gave me a sad smile. “Gone two weeks?” she replied, her English far better than my Japanese. She came around the counter and went to a case near the back of the shop. When she returned, she had a pint of ice cream and a sleeve of Kenny’s favorite cookies. She plopped them into my hands. “Too long.”

I paid for the snacks and wished her goodnight. The gallery was emptying out as people began their walks home. I meandered through the residential streets, my purchases tucked into one of Kenny’s shoulder bags. My phone rang, and I looked down to see Kenny’s face on the screen.

“Hello,” I said, grinning as I pushed open the door of his building.

“_Tsuini watashinoie_,” Kenny replied, his voice warm and sweet. I wouldn’t admit how much I missed it even after just twelve hours. “It’s so good to hear your voice.”

I leaned against the wall while I waited for the elevator. “_Kentan_, you sound like you miss me.”

He growled a little, and I could just picture the playful light in his eyes. “I’ll always miss you, _Shaytan_. One day…” He took a deep breath and stopped. “One day you can come with me. All over the world.”


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

_(GIF owned by leelakoiwolf on Tumblr)_

Time slowed down in the two weeks that Kenny was away in the UK. The days fell from the calendar like leaves in Central Park in autumn. I’d burned away the first month of my time in Japan. The second was ticking to an end. It was at the point where this foray was no longer counted in months, but in weeks. And soon—too soon—in days.

Living in Kenny’s flat was a bittersweet sort of thing. His things were everywhere. There were photos of him and a younger girl with bright blonde hair and blue eyes just like his—his sister—and his parents. Photos of him and his friends. The one that always intrigued me was the one of a small house surrounded by woods and mountains. Kenny sat on the steps of a wide deck, arms held out to his sides, a broad grin on his face.

I picked up the frame, smiling down at the face of the man I’d come to love so quickly. He had made himself a home in my heart and it felt as if he’d been there for longer than a few weeks. It felt like Kenny Omega had been a part of my life since the foundation of it. He was kind and funny, gentle and sweet, thoughtful and sincere. Kenny was the kind of man that I’d never been brave enough to want.

There were moments when I wondered why he wanted me.

I sighed, realizing all over again how much I missed him. And how much I loved him, even though it scared me. My fingers pressed against the glass, tracing the outline of Kenny’s form in the picture.

“I miss you,” I whispered into the nothingness.

“You don’t have to.”

I jumped, clutching the frame against my chest. Spinning around, I saw Kenny standing at the door with his bright blue eyes and a wide smile. My heart thumped heavily in my chest, squeezing hard at the sight of him.

“_Kentan_,” I breathed, not believing my own eyes. My fingers shook as I put the picture on the table and stood, frozen on the spot.

Kenny’s smile softened, his eyes sparkling as he dropped his bags by the door. His chest expanded as he breathed, watching me… waiting…

My feet moved before I could tell them to. I ran across the room and launched myself at him. He snatched me up with both arms around my back. I hooked my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, hugging him as tightly as I could. Tears slipped down my cheeks even as I grinned until my face hurt.

“You’re home,” I cried against his shoulder. “You’re home.”

He hugged me tighter, pressing his lips to the side of my head. “_Hai_, _tadaima_, _Shaytan_,” he murmured into my hair. “I’m home.”

“I love you,” I said, feeling the words deep in my bones. “You’re home. I love you. _You’re home_.”

Kenny laughed and nuzzled his nose into my hair. “I love you too, _koibito_. Are you surprised?”

I leaned back, cupping his face in my hands. He grinned, and it was like I’d forgotten how much the sight of it made my heart race. “You’re early… you’re _early_,” I repeated, not sure why I did. “Why are you early?”

He settled his forehead against mine and breathed in, his blue eyes slipping closed. “Because I missed you. Completely and desperately missed you.” He tipped forward, his nose bumping mine. I shivered when his lips brushed against mine. “I missed you like you were air.”

My fingers slipped into his hair, feeling the curls pass over my skin like water. I smiled. My heart swelled in my chest and threatened to burst against my ribs. “_Kentan_, I…” The words caught in my throat and it was all I could do keep from breaking down again.

Kenny grinned and squeezed me once again before sitting me back on my feet. He tucked my hair behind my ears and kissed my forehead. “Were you okay without me?”

“I missed you every day,” I replied, smiling back up at him. “I took so many walks in the Shinkowa that Mrs. Satō has been putting me to work in the shop.”

He laughed. “Really? What’s she had you doing?” He threaded our fingers together and drew me across the room toward the sofa. He stopped when he noticed the picture frame laying flat on the shelf. “What were you looking at?”

Heat burned through my limbs. “I was missing you,” I responded, leaning against his shoulder as he picked up the photo. “And I like that picture.”

Kenny smiled softly. “That’s my house in Winnipeg. I bought it after I signed my first deal. My mom took this the day we closed on the place.”

“It looks beautiful,” I murmured.

“We can go,” he said as he tucked one arm around my waist. “If you’d like. I know you came on this trip for Japan…”

I tipped my head up to look into his face. His eyes were hopeful, and there was a faint smile on his lips. “I’d like that.”

Kenny’s face brightened and it felt like looking into the sun. He leaned down, closing the space between us to settle his lips on mine. His arms closed around me, tugging me in against his chest. The world felt warm and light, as if everything had finally fallen back into place. As if it had stopped spinning the moment Kenny walked away from me in the train station and had just now picked up its rotation again.

“It’s beautiful in the summer,” he said against my lips. “There’s a lake nearby… I have some days off…”

***

I sighed against Kenny, the hammock rocking gently beneath us. The sky shifted through shades of red and orange to the deep purple that heralded night. Stars popped into view one at a time, hardly visible against the haze of light from Tokyo on the horizon. Kenny’s chest rose and fell rhythmically, his breath deep and even. One arm was draped around me, his palm resting on my hip, the other rested on his stomach, fingers curled over mine.

In the quiet, I could imagine that this would never end. That the fact that Kenny had flown home early to be with me meant something more than just homesickness. That when he said he missed me like air that he meant it. I could imagine that, somehow, I had found a place in Kenny’s heart that was just as important as Kota Ibushi.

I could imagine that he loved me as desperately as I loved him.

“Hmm,” Kenny hummed against my hair, the sound vibrating through my bones. “What’s on your mind, _Shaytan_?”

I couldn’t help but smile. How had he learned so much of me so well in so short a time?

“I’m thinking about how I wish this could last…”

He stilled for a moment. “This?”

My heart skipped a beat. “This moment. This feeling. This _life_.” I closed my eyes, squeezing them tight to hold back the tears. “Time is ticking—”

“Not for us,” Kenny said firmly. His arms swept around me, snuggling me against his broad chest. “Not for us… Whatever it takes… whatever it means…”

“I wish I had your confidence,” I murmured softly.

Kenny nuzzled his nose against my hair, taking a deep breath. “It isn’t confidence,” he whispered. “It’s the pure and simple fact that I don’t want to lose you. That I want nothing in the world as much as I want to keep _this_, to keep you. To keep _us_.”

I smiled against his chest, my fingers wrapping in his t-shirt. “Us?”

“_Unmei no akai ito,_” he said, reaching for my hand. He disentangled my fingers and hooked his thumb around my little finger. “You are my destiny, Shaye Walker.”


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

_(GIF owned by lelakoiwolff on Tumblr)_

Three weeks. Twenty-one days. Five hundred and four hours.

It wasn’t enough. My return to New York was racing toward me faster than I’d anticipated, and every passing second drilled anxiety into my chest. Every time I thought about getting on that plane… I wanted to cry. My heart broke when I walked through the Shinkowa, thinking of how the day would come when I wouldn’t see Mrs. Satō any longer. When I walked down the street to the shop that sold Kenny’s favorite Vietnamese coffee and realized that some day soon, I wouldn’t have either Kenny or the coffee.

I sat on the patio in the early hours just before dawn, the haze of Tokyo’s ever-present neon lights making the stars hard to see as they winked in and out of existence. Not for the first time, I realized that I would miss the way the horizon looked from Kenny’s balcony. There was something fantastical about the way Tokyo looked—something that New York couldn’t match.

Snuggling into the blanket wrapped around me, I drew in a deep breath and closed my eyes. I wished with all my might that I could stop time. That I could make this moment stretch out into forever so that I would never have to leave Japan… leave Kenny. I had to come to understand how he had fallen so deeply in love with the country. I knew that I would miss it just as much as I missed him.

“You okay, _Shaytan_?” Kenny asked from behind me. I turned to see him leaning against the frame of the door, a soft smile on his face. His curls were tousled with sleep.

I leaned my head back and smiled at him. “I want to see as many Tokyo sunrises as I can.”

Kenny’s eyes softened as he padded barefoot across the cold wood. He pulled me up from the chair, sat down in my place, and then drew me onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and set his chin on my shoulder. “You’re not going away forever, _Shaytan_. Don’t think for one second that I’m not bringing you back here as often as possible.”

I tilted my head against his and sighed. “That won’t be very often then, will it?” My heart dropped into my stomach. “Between your work and mine… it’ll be hard enough for us to get anywhere together. To even see each other.”

“_Koibito_,” he said, nuzzling his nose against the side of my throat. The heat of his breath on my skin sent shivers down my spine. “Believe me when I tell you—and I’ll tell you a million times—I will move heaven and earth to see you. No matter what.”

He said it with such confidence that I was starting to believe him. He tightened his hold and pressed faint kisses against my neck and shoulder. We sat in the stillness as the sun rose over the distant Tokyo skyline, all the while Kenny whispered a thousand promises in his lilting Japanese.

***

Kenny held my hand as we walked down the street, leading the way toward the arcade from our first outing together. He smiled and talked, telling me the plans he had for us. “I’ll come to New York whenever I have time off. No matter how long a flight it is. Even if it’s for a few hours.”

I rolled my eyes and tried to argue that it was a waste of money, but he wouldn’t listen. After a while, I smiled and nodded. I didn’t have the heart to make him think logically.

“Whenever you want… and I mean _whenever_ you want… I’ll bring you to Tokyo or wherever I am. I don’t care where or when or how, I’ll get you there.” He squeezed my hand and tugged me a little closer. “I told you, Shaye Walker. You’re my destiny… and now that I’ve found you, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.”

“_Kentan_,” I replied, feeling heat spill through my chest. “Not everything is that simple. I wish I could see the world like you do, but…”

He stopped and turned me toward him. He took my hands in his and held them against his chest. “I know I might be… shall we say _idealistic_… but, _Shaytan_, you’re talking to the man who left everything he knew for a dream. I uprooted my life once for the thing that I wanted more than anything else in the world.” He stooped so he could look me in the eye. “I’m not afraid of doing it again. Because you are what I want.”

I breathed deep, trying not to cry on the street in front of everyone. I blinked hard, squeezing my eyes shut as the tears came anyway. “Don’t you dare,” I said through clenched teeth. “You will not give up your dream because of me. Kenny Omega, I swear, if you do… I’ll never speak to you again.”

He pulled me into his arms, wrapping his arms tight around my shoulders and burying his nose in my hair. “What if my dream changes, Shaye? What if I don’t want this anymore?”

My heart ached even as I had a brief flash of a future where he and I were together with something like a normal life. I wouldn’t mind moving away from New York. In this somehow, far-away, almost- future, I could imagine us living in Winnipeg in that cabin that he loved… but there was something missing, something I couldn’t quite pinpoint.

I let the question slide into the ether as I pulled gently away. The smile on my face felt forced, but it didn’t matter. All I wanted was for Kenny to stop talking about leaving wrestling because of me. “Skeeball? Loser buys dinner?”

***

So much was the same as that first outing—same videogames, same restaurant, same booth, same food. And, of course, the same outcome.

“At least I walked into it with my eyes wide open this time,” I said, turning sideways to face Kenny, who was sitting crooked in the corner of the booth.

He smiled and picked at the food on his plate. “If I’d let you win, you would’ve known.”

I couldn’t help but grin back at him. “Do you remember the first time we were here?”

“Every day,” he replied, reaching out and tucking my hair behind my ear with his fingertips. His cheeks burned pink as his eyes slid over my face. “I think about the first time I kissed you every single day.”

“_Kentan_,” I murmured, feeling a matching heat rise in my face.

His two-toned curls bounced as he shook his head then leaned forward to press his soft, warm lips against my brow. “I think about you every night before I go to sleep, Shaye. And you’re the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning.”

My thoughts raced sideways. Kenny had been open with me from the day we met. He’d worn his heart on his sleeve and done everything I could ever ask. He made me laugh. Smile. He made my heart race and stand still all at once. Everything about him made me feel like my feet were on solid ground, but my head was buzzing in the stars. It was beautiful and wonderful and calming and exciting. He was…

He was…

Kenny was the man of my dreams, and I suddenly couldn’t see my future without him.

The realization hit me hard in the chest, straight through my heart and into my soul. How could I ever have imagined a life without him… no matter how many miles or barriers or obstacles were in the way? For the first time, I truly, _sincerely_ believed him when he said we would make it work.

_This is the moment_, I thought. _The moment I start believing in destiny._

“Is that the only thing you think about?” I asked, lifting one brow.

He grinned back, the corners of his mouth lifting mischievously. “Oh, _Shaytan_, you have no idea how many things I think about when it comes to you.”


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

_(GIF owned by kennyisanomega on Tumblr)_

I stopped and looked up into the sporadic canopy of trees above us. Sunlight filtered down through the leaves, dappling the trodden dirt path with shapes and shadows. Kenny was a few feet ahead, looking back and grinning as he held on to the thin trunk of a tree with one hand.

“Tired already, _Shaytan_?” he asked teasingly. The swaying light made his blue eyes dance.

“Not yet. I’m just…” How did I say it? _Thinking? Remembering? Wishing? Hoping? _I didn’t know myself why I had the sudden desperate urge to stop and breathe in the scent of trees and dirt and the breeze coming down from the top of Mount Tsubaka. The memory of the first time I’d been on these slopes came rushing back. “Making a memory.”

Kenny let go of the tree and skidded down the path back toward me. He caught himself by wedging his foot against a rock. When he looked at me, there was something in his smile that made my heart flutter underneath my ribs. He reached forward and slipped his fingers along the side of my neck, his thumb stroking the line of my jaw.

“What kind of memory?”

I leaned back against a nearby tree and grinned up into his eyes. He followed, moving on the uneven surface with catlike grace. One of his hands braced on the tree just above my head as he leaned against me. My fingers rested on his waist. “A good one. Filled with sunshine and the smell of the earth and a desperately whispered prayer to Izanami and Izanagi.”

His gaze swept my face, and I swore it was like a physical caress. “What do you pray for, Shaye Walker?” His voice was deep and rumbling in his chest. I licked my lips and breathed in the scent of him—sweat and heat and something like spice beneath.

“That I can keep you,” I murmured, tilting my head up until our lips were almost touching.

Kenny’s fingers slipped up to cradle the back of my head. His lips curled in a soft, wistful smile. “You don’t need the gods for that. You can keep me. _Ein ni. Unmei no akai ito._”

My nose bumped against his. I tipped my chin, meeting his mouth just barely. He didn’t try to deepen the kiss. Instead, he was content with featherlight brushes of our lips over and over.

A moment later, he leaned away and took me by the hand. Our fingers threaded together as we started back up the mountain. Kenny went a few steps ahead and pulled me along behind him as if I were an insubstantial weight in his hands.

***

Once again, we stood in the saddle between _Nyotai_ and _Nantai_ and looked out over the _Kantō _plain. We sat side by side on the railing that overlooked the slopes that descended away in purple mists and shadows. I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed.

“Twelve days,” I said into the space between us. Kenny’s fingers slid around mine, drawing my hand against his thigh.

His lips pressed against the top of my head. “I know.” His thumb brushed along the back of my knuckles. His touch was steady, but I heard the tremor in his breath. “One hundred forty-four hours.”

I squeezed my eyes shut tight. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. My pulse thrummed heavy against the base of my throat. “Let’s go home, _Kentan_.”

***

Steam spiraled against the sliding glass of the shower. I stood beneath the spray, letting out a soft moan as Kenny massaged shampoo into my hair. His fingers worked the suds along my hair, guiding them down my back and away beneath the water. Once he’d followed with conditioner, he pulled my hair to the side and let his lips settle against my throat. His tongue licked the water from my skin as his hands slid around my waist, palms splaying out over my belly.

I leaned my head back against his shoulder as he kissed his way toward my jaw. Kenny pulled me back by the hips, his cock settled against my ass. His groan rumbled through his chest as he nipped at the flesh of my shoulder as one of his hands skimmed upward, cupping and squeezing my breast. I bit down on my lip and shivered.

Kenny smiled against my throat and slipped back just behind the spray. His hands reappeared in my hair, scratching gently as he worked the conditioner out. He turned the water off and squeezed it from my hair before stepping out onto the mat and pulling a towel from the linen closet. A moment later, I was wrapped in warmth and softness.

“C’mere, _Shaytan_,” he cooed, a towel knotted low around his hips and holding another in one hand. He held out the other and drew me close, turning me around to run the towel over my wet hair. Kenny took his time. I watched him in the mirror, wondering if he was doing the same thing I’d done on the mountain. Making a memory.

I turned and pulled the towel gently from his fingers. Smiling up at him, I pushed gently on his shoulders until he understood what I wanted. He sat down on the closed toilet; his knees splayed so I could stand between them. I put the towel over his head and scrubbed vigorously, trying not to laugh as he sputtered and huffed from beneath the terrycloth.

When I slipped the towel back so I could see his face, his blue eyes were glassy with tears. His hands came up to settle on my waist. He pulled me close and rested his forehead against my stomach.

“_Kentan_…” I pressed my hand to the back of his head, trying to catch a breath that had suddenly been ripped out of me.

“Give me a minute, Shaye,” he said, voice thick and broken. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me against him so tightly that I could feel the tremors run through his limbs. Every time he sniffled it made the crack in my heart widen just a little more. Kenny tightened his fingers in my towel, digging against my flesh, and took one last shuddering breath.

He looked up through his lashes, blinking and letting fat tears roll down his cheeks. I reached up to brush them away. “_Kentan, unmei no akai ito_,” I whispered. My lips curled upward in a soft, delicate smile. “You’ve made me believe in destiny. No matter how hard it’s going to be.”

***

“So Skynet sends the Terminator back to kill Sarah so Sarah can’t have her son John, who is going to save the world from machines…”

Kenny plopped a huge bowl of popcorn in my lap as he came around the couch. “And the humans send back their own soldier, Kyle, to protect Sarah from the Terminator. He falls in love with her and turns out to be John’s dad…”

I pulled a blanket over my legs and smiled as Kenny turned on the television. “And they kill the Terminator. But then… he comes back?”

He turned, holding his hands out, the remote still clutched in one of them. “Don’t get ahead of me. You’re caught up on the first one. Now, you get to watch the _best_ movie ever made.” He grinned. “Terminator _2_.”

He flopped down on the sofa next to me, his arm around my shoulders. He pressed a kiss against my temple as he started the movie.

I glanced sideways and saw the faint, somewhat sad smile on his lips. The blue light of the television played over his features. I blinked, committing the sight of him to memory. He pulled me against his side, settling my head on his chest as the movie started.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

_(GIF owned by leelakoiwolff on Tumblr)_

Three days. Thirty-six hours. God, the end was coming so fast that it made my head spin. The faster my departure date came, the more I felt sick at the thought of leaving Japan… leaving _Kenny_. It still amazed me at how quickly he had become so perfectly entwined in my life. How much I had let him become part of my heart. It scared me sometimes.

How could I go back to my normal life after this? After everything I’d seen and experienced since I first met Kenny Omega? He’d changed me in so many ways…. Sometimes I didn’t feel like myself.

I felt so very different. And I didn’t know quite how to make this new Shaye part of the old one. Or if I even could.

Snuggled beneath the blankets of Kenny’s bed, I tugged the pillows against my chest and breathed deep of the scent of him. I suddenly wanted to cry at the thought that in a few days, the scent would only be in my heart. It would be gone. I’d have nothing left of Kenny but pictures and memories.

As if my thoughts had conjured him, Kenny appeared in the doorway of his closet. His two-toned curls were damp from his shower. He was going through his gear, packing for a tour with Ring of Honor in California. “_Shaytan_,” he said sweetly. “I had an idea.”

I watched a slow smile ghost over his face as he caught sight of me hugging his pillows. Something wistful—almost sad—appeared in his eyes. For a moment, he leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed, his gaze taking me in. He blinked a few times, as if there were tears in his eyes, before he crossed the room and plopped onto the bed beside me.

“What kind of idea is that?” I asked, settling my head atop his pillow.

He reached out, his fingertips brushing through my hair and across my cheek. “My tour starts in California the day after you fly out. What if I changed my flight?”

I looked up into his pale blue eyes and felt my heart thump with an overwhelming adoration of the man in front of me. “You’d do that?”

Kenny grinned, happiness bleeding into the curve of his lips. “To get another twelve hours with you… I’d do anything.”

I felt the tears before they actually came. They slipped down my cheeks so fast that I couldn’t catch my breath. I couldn’t explain exactly why I had devolved into tears at the thought of him doing something as simple as changing his flight. Maybe it was the ease with which he would change his plans just to spend a few extra hours with me.

“_Kentan_,” I whispered, pushing the pillow away and curling toward Kenny.

He wrapped his arms around me, drawing me against his chest and pressing faint kisses against my forehead. “Don’t cry, _koibito_,” he murmured. He chuckled faintly. “That wasn’t quite the response I was expecting.”

The sound of his laugh filled me with warmth. Kenny wiped the tears from my face with his thumb and kissed the tip of my nose. I couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re too sweet, Kenny,” I whispered, bumping my nose against his.

He grinned again, holding up his hand with his middle two fingers folded down and pressing against his thumb, index and pinky held up. It was the universal sign of The Bullet Club… the _too sweet_. I smiled a little more.

***

We stood in the sitting room of the apartment I’d lived in the first few weeks I’d been in Japan. The clock had ticked down to twenty-four hours, and I wanted to do a last sweep of the place so I could make sure that I wasn’t leaving anything behind. We found a few small things, but nothing that I couldn’t have replaced when I got back to New York. Then we gave it a good cleaning before locking it back up.

As we were leaving, my phone rang. It was my mother. Worry spiked through me. It was one in the afternoon in Tokyo, making it midnight in New York.

“Mama? What’s wrong?” My heart raced in my chest. Had something happened to my dad while I was gone? Had my brother done something horribly stupid and gotten himself arrested or hurt? “Mama!”

“Stop shouting, Shaye,” my mother said calmly. “Nothing’s wrong. But I would _love_ to hear about this young man you’ve been spending so much time with over there.”

I stopped dead, nearly collapsing against the wall. “What? What do you mean?”

My mother sighed. “Don’t try to talk your way around it, Shaye Marie. The pictures are all over Page Six.”

“_Page Six_?” My heart thumped in my chest, and I swear the floor was rising up to meet me. “I have no clue what you’re talking about, Mama.”

“You aren’t traipsing around Tokyo with some muscle bound blond _amateur wrestler_,” she spat the words as if they tasted bitter, “named Kenny Omega?”

Kenny stepped up close, resting his hand on the middle of my back. “_Shaytan?_ Are you alright? You look like you’re about to be sick.”

My mother practically cackled with glee on the other end. “Oh, is that him? He certainly _sounds_ attractive.”

“Mama, can we please talk about this later? And for God’s sake, have Mr. Antony get those taken down!”

“Oh, it isn’t going to be that easy, Shaye. _Everyone_ is gossiping about your Japanese tryst. Of course, why wouldn’t they? It’s a scandal.”

I sank onto the steps and put my head between my knees. “Only if you make it one, Mama. And he’s not an amateur. He’s brilliant, and he’s the star of his company.”

My mother hung up, being very elusive about whether she would talk to our family attorney, Mr. Antony. I dropped my phone onto the step below me and fought against the black spots that flickered on the edges of my vision. Kenny hovered nearby, finally coming to rest kneeling on the stairs in front of me.

“Shaye? What’s the matter?” his voice was deep and gruff. There was a worried shadow in his eyes.

I felt sick. I could see every moment of the last three months crumbling out from beneath us. For a few brief weeks, I’d lived a lifetime that I never thought I could have. My eyes stung. I bit back the tears, desperate to not break into tears on the steps of a Japanese apartment block.

“Kenny… I’m so sorry.” Without another word, I picked up my phone and opened the Page Six website. I couldn’t look him in the eye as I handed it over.

It was quiet as he tried to figure out what I meant for him to see. When he finally did, I watched him sag lower onto the steps. “These pictures are about _you_… why?”

I hid my face behind my hands. “My family is… kind of a big deal in New York City. My father is a CEO of an international firm. And my mother is… _old_ money. Like Rockefeller and Carnegie old money.”

Kenny tapped the screen of my phone, looking at the pictures again. I held out my hand, my curiosity getting the better of me. My guts churned when I saw them—photos of us from multiple different days. Coming out of the arcade, red faced, grinning, and holding hands in jeans and sneakers. Walking through the Shinkowa with messenger bags and groceries. Walking arm-in-arm ahead of the Young Bucks and Adam Page, me in a Bullet Club sweatshirt. Every caption made mention of my obvious lack of high fashion and the new company I was keeping. They named Kenny and the rest of them.

I swallowed back vomit as I turned the phone off. “I understand if you’re upset… if you don’t want to speak to me again.”

He moved lightning quick. No sooner had the words come out of my mouth than he’d taken my hands in his. Kenny drew my fingers to his lips and kissed them gently. “I’m not upset, _Shaytan_. I’m just… confused. Why didn’t you tell me? It wouldn’t have mattered to me. It _doesn’t_ matter to me.”

“I’ve spent my entire life being Shaye Marie Walker, Upper East Side debutante. I just wanted to be… _Shaye_. Just for a while.” I finally looked up, our eyes meeting. Kenny smiled softly and brushed my hair behind my ear.

“You are just Shaye to me,” he murmured. “Just Shaye… my _unmei no akai ito._”


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

_(GIF owned by kennyisanomega on Tumblr)_

Kenny’s fingers slipped through my hair, nails scratching gently at my scalp. It was a soothing sensation. One that made warm tingles cascade down my spine. I snuggled into the mattress beneath me, my arms wrapped around his pillow, and made a faint hum of pleasure. Tender touches stroked down my neck to my back, pushing the covers a little further down with every sweep.

“This is our last night,” he murmured against my shoulder. His lips brushed soft and warm along my flesh. I didn’t want to think about the flight in the morning. Or about the fact that After a brief few hours in Los Angeles, I’d be flying back to New York without him. All I wanted to think about was the way I felt when he touched me. About how my heart thumped in my chest and the whole world seemed to stop.

“Promise me something,” I asked softly.

Kenny propped himself up on his elbow, his free hand still stroking along my back. “Anything. _Shaytan_. Anything.”

I turned toward him, curling against him. “Don’t forget me,” I whispered. My eyes burned with tears. “Please.”

He brushed his fingers along my cheek, tucking hair behind my ears. “There is nothing and no one that could make me forget you,” he replied. “You are w_atashi no kokoro, watashinoie._ My _unmei no akai ito_.”

“I’m going to miss you so much,” I said, the tears coming with a fury that I hadn’t expected. I’d sworn to myself that I would cry, not the last night we had together.

Kenny pressed his lips against mine. “Whenever I can be with you, _Shaytan_, I will be. Even if I land in New York and see you for five minutes, it’ll be worth it.” He brushed his fingers beneath my eyes, wiping the tears away. “You are worth every moment and every sacrifice, Shaye Walker.”

***

I didn’t like the way my heart thumped against my ribs. The moment the plane landed in LA, I felt sick. I had to fight not to throw up. Kenny threaded his fingers with mine as we walked together to the terminal, both of our carry-on bags strapped across his chest. Every step made my heart ache. It was another foot, another gap that spread between the life I’d lived in Japan and the one I lived in New York. Those three months had changed my life. And I couldn’t imagine how I could ever go back to the person I’d used to be.

Kenny lead the way to the concourse after we came through customs. He’d called ahead before we’d left Tokyo and it seemed the Bucks would be waiting. Apparently, Kenny was crashing with Nick while he was in California. It made me smile to think that I’d get to see the Jackson brothers one more time before I had to leave them all.

“Ken! Shaye!” I heard our names over the din of the airport. It didn’t take long to find the speaker. Matt Jackson was off to the side of the concourse, his brother at his side. They both broke into grins when they saw us, waving their arms over their heads.

I smiled back and tugged Kenny over toward them. He laughed as he chased behind me. Nick stepped forward first, sweeping me into a hug that lifted me off my feet. “Long time, no see, Shaye Walker.”

“It’s good to see you too, Nick,” I replied with a grin. “You too, Matt.”

The elder Jackson grinned and hugged me. “So, how long we got?”

The words were like a bucket of cold water splashed over me. I dug my phone from my pocket and sighed. “Three hours,” I said quietly.

Kenny tucked me against his side and settled his lips against my hair. I blinked hard, pushing back tears. From the corner of my eye, I saw Nick nod.

“Look, we’ll take your stuff to the car,” Matt told Kenny. “We won’t get in the way.”

“No,” I said quickly, shaking my head. “Please. It’s going to a long time before I get to see any of you again.”

I felt Kenny squeeze my fingers. I hoped it was gratitude or understanding and not frustration. “Let’s get something to eat.”

***

My flight left in half an hour. Boarding would begin any minute. The Bucks had gone off to pick up Nick’s car, dragging Kenny’s luggage with them. My heart ached desperately, and I tried my hardest to not cry. I didn’t want Kenny’s last image of me to be sadness.

“My _koibito_,” Kenny whispered, drawing me close. “Being without you is going to be like being without my heart. I’m going to miss you, _Shaytan_.”

I hugged him tightly around the waist and let my head rest against his chest. For just a moment, I let myself fall into the sound of his heart beating. I’d fallen asleep to the sound so many nights… how was I supposed to sleep without it? How was I supposed to go back to the life I’d lived before I’d met him? The person I was had disappeared in the months I’d spent in Japan.

“I’ll miss you so much, _Kentan_. I don’t know…” I took a deep breath, looking up into his blue eyes, trying to memorize the way they looked. “I don’t know how to go back to my life in New York. You’ve changed me so much. Knowing you… _loving_ you… I’m a different person now than I was when I met you.”

He brushed his fingers through my hair and smiled softly. “Be whoever you are, whoever you want to be, Shaye. It won’t change how I feel about you.”

Before I could say anything else, he reached into the bag strapped across his chest. He pulled out a small box made of a pale wood. I recognized it as a bento box. I’d seen a ton of them in the Shinkowa market. Balancing the box in one hand, he removed the lid with the other. Inside were two long wooden hairpins with white silk roses on the top and a small brocade pouch sewn shut with gold-toned thread.

“Those are _kanzashi_,” he said, pointing to the hairpins. “And the pouch is a charm from the _Okuninushi-no-mikoto _shrine in Kyoto. Don’t open it. Keep it with you.”

I took the box, holding in gingerly in my hands. “Who is _Okuninushi-no-mikoto_?”

Kenny smiled. “The _kami_ responsible for love and good matches.” He leaned down, capturing my lips with his, kissing me as if it would be the last time. “I love you, Shaye Walker. No matter how far apart we are, remember that.”

I looked him over again, committing every detail of his image to my memory. I wrapped my pinky finger around his thumb. “I love you, too, Kenny Omega. You’ve changed everything about me, and I can never thank you enough.”

There wasn’t time for more words or long embraces. My flight was boarding. It was time to go. Kenny’s smile was tinged with sadness as he stroked his fingers along my cheek.

“Call me when you land, _koibito_,” he murmured. His hands were gentle as he turned me around and gave me a gentle push toward the gate. As if he knew, on my own, I could never have taken that first step.

***

I cried on the plane. The moment we took off, I curled myself beneath a blanket and sobbed into a pillow. The pain in my chest was terrifying. I understood now what Kenny meant. Being without him—not knowing the next time I’d see him—it was like having to live without my heart. How in the world did life go on when we weren’t together?

The moment I got off the plane, I’d called Kenny. I could hear the smile in his voice when he said my name. When he called me his heart, his home, his destiny, it made the ache in my chest subside just a little. But, God, how I missed him already. 

My stomach dropped into my toes when I stepped out into the sunshine outside the terminal. Standing by a black town car was my mother. She was dressed in a white blouse and grey pencil skirt with high heels and sunglasses. Caroline Jeanette Hearst Walker was one of the most venerated women in the city—granddaughter of media magnate William Randolph Hearst and wife of Jeremy Pitzer Walker, CEO of an international banking and investment firm. Old money meets new money. And she didn’t look very happy with me.

My mother looked me up and down and sighed. “You’re going to give the press a field day, Shaye Marie. Get in the car. We have _a lot_ to talk about.”


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

_(GIF owned by wrestlingchatter on Tumblr)_

“What in God’s name are you wearing, Shaye Marie?” my mother asked, looking me up and down as the driver pulled away from the curb and into traffic. “What _have_ you been getting up to in Japan?”  
I rolled my eyes and let out a faint huff. “Mother, do we have to do this right now?”

“Oh yes, we do. Everyone in the club is talking about you slumming it with that amateur wrestler of yours.” She glanced toward the driver, as if she weren’t sure if she should say anything else. “How could you do this, Shaye?”

“Do what, Mother?” I sighed, turning toward her. “Live my life?”

She smiled, although there wasn’t much warmth in it. “Don’t be dramatic, darling. You’ve been gone all summer, gallivanting all over Japan, carrying on this torrid affair right out in the open, and—good God—dressing like a ragamuffin.”

I laughed. “There’s nothing torrid about the relationship Kenny and I have. And I swear, if you call him an amateur again, I’m going to get out of this car right in the middle of traffic.” I tucked my foot up beneath me on the seat, my flip flop left behind on the floor. “I was happier in the three months I lived in Japan than I’ve ever been here in New York.”

The undertones of antagonism bled away as my mother took in the seriousness of my expression. “Are you planning on leaving New York for good?”

The question caught me off guard. I couldn’t deny that I had thought about leaving my life here to live the life I wanted. But those wishes had stayed as quiet thoughts, never brought out or shared with anyone. Mostly because I didn’t know if I had the strength to make such a drastic change in my life.

“Not currently,” I said diplomatically, “no.”

After that, we were quiet. My fingers fidgeted with my phone. I desperately wanted to talk to Kenny. I missed his voice more than I had imagined. The hours that we’d been apart felt like years, and I was suddenly afraid that I would forget what we sound like, how he smelled, the feel of his curls against my fingertips.

Ignoring my mother, I opened my messenger and found the string of messages Kenny and I had exchanged since that first day at the train station. I smiled as I typed. _Mother met me at the airport. I miss you._

My brain was too foggy from jet lag to do the math about time difference between New York and Los Angeles. Maybe he’d crashed once he got back to Nick’s place. Maybe he was busy. Maybe…

_Ping!_

_ I miss you so much it hurts, Shaytan. _

My vision blurred, and I blinked away tears. Suddenly, I could see Kenny’s face as clearly as if he were sitting in front of me. His unruly two-toned curls, bright blue eyes, and the smile that made me feel like I was the only person in the world. My heart squeezed.

_I miss the sushi from Mrs. Tanahashi’s shop. And the Vietnamese coffee from that place on the corner. _

Thoughts and memories swirled through my head. It was as if every moment from the past three months tried to replay at once. And while the background blurred into the myriad of places I’d seen in Japan, Kenny Omega stayed clear and focused in the eye of the storm.

_Ping!_

_ I miss the way you look when you’re asleep. And how you smell right after a shower. And the sound of your laugh. _

I wiped furiously at my face, careful to ensure that my mother never saw me crying. I loved my mother—my father and brother too—but there was suddenly this gulf that separated the life they lived from the one I wanted for myself. Being with Kenny, living with him in Japan and being part of his world, had made me feel happy in a way that I never had before. It was as if New York City and the legacy of the Hearsts and Pitzers had become a cage that I desperately wanted to escape.

_Watashinoie_, I thought as I squeezed my eyes shut and thought of Kenny’s face.

***

“Welcome home, Ms. Walker,” the doorman, Teddy, boomed as I stepped out of the back of the town car. He was a man in his late fifties or early sixties, but it was a hard thing to identify. He was tall, with salt and pepper hair, a beard, and a mustache that made him look a little like Santa Claus. Teddy had been the doorman at our building for as long as I could remember, and, even though Mother discouraged it, I thought of him as a part of the family.

“How’s Eileen, Teddy?” I asked as I grabbed my backpack from the trunk. Mother rolled her eyes and stood to the side while the driver unloaded my luggage. “And Micah, did his wife have the baby yet?”

The older man laughed, and I was again struck at how much he reminded me of Santa. Maybe that was why I liked him so much as a child. “Eileen is doing much better. Doctors say the treatment went well. Can’t find a thing! And Micah’s got a little girl now. Named her Sansa.”

I grinned and gathered him up into a warm hug. “I’m so glad everything is better! Give them all my love, and congratulations!”

“That I will, Ms. Walker,” he replied, holding open the door. His smile faded a little when my mother passed by, but brightened again when I leaned up to give him a peck on the cheek. He cast me a faintly fond look. “Ah, I’ve missed you, little girl.”

“I have so much to tell you about Japan,” I whispered with a grin before I raced into the lobby behind my scowling mother.

We rode the elevator up to our floor in silence. One of the building employees had taken my luggage up the back elevator. Heaven forbid Caroline Hearst Walker be seen with luggage! Or—gasp—the help! The moment the doors opened into our foyer, I practically ran from the elevator and into my bedroom. I flopped down on my King-sized mattress and… frowned.

There had been a time when I’d thought that nothing was more comfortable than my state-of-the-art iSleep King. But that had been before I’d fallen asleep in Kenny Omega’s arms. Before I’d known what it felt like to feel the warmth of another body, of the person I loved, and listen to the steady beat of their heart in the darkness. How was I supposed to sleep without that?

I picked up my phone and hovered my finger over Kenny’s number. Hesitation made me waver for just an instant. It was true that the time I’d spent with him in Japan had changed me. And I was entirely certain that it had been for the better, but I wondered if I felt for him so completely and so deeply because he had been my first. I blinked and shook the thought away. That didn’t matter.

All that mattered was that I was sure that Kenny Omega was my destiny. I pulled the bento box from my backpack and opened it. My fingers ran gently over the silk flowers at the top of the _kenzashi_ before closing around the brocade sachet. I held it in my hands, brought it to my lips. I sighed against it, words pounding through my thoughts like water over a cliff—_Onegaishimasu, kami, Okuninushi-no-mikoto_, _onegaishimasu, Tsubaksan_—prayers to gods and spirits who lived a world away.

The trilling of my ringtone drew me from my swirling prayers. Kenny’s face lit up the screen, and I nearly cried from the joy of seeing it.

“Kenny,” I said softly, feeling the letters and syllables drift over my tongue. God how I missed him.

“I love you, _Shaytan_,” he replied, voice firm and soothing.

My heart ached in my chest. The sound of his voice was like lightning through my limbs. “I love you too, _Kentan_.”


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

_(GIF owned by leelakoiwolff)_

Being back in New York City was a culture shock that I didn’t understand. It was as if living in Tokyo for three months had changed me in a way that I couldn’t shake. The city seemed too open; the spaces filled with too many people. The rushing and honking and shouting were a cacophony against my eardrums as I walked the city.

“Good Lord, Shaye Marie,” my mother said one morning as I packed my bag for work. It was a new one—a zippered messenger bag like the one Kenny carried—and it was much sturdier than the designer bag I’d used before. “Are you out of your mind? You are not walking! And you are most certainly _not_ taking the subway! Why the hell do you think we have a car service?”

I rolled my eyes and finished making my coffee. It wasn’t Vietnamese coffee, but it was a blend that Matt had introduced me to during our layover in California. There was just enough sweetness to make it work.

“Mother, I can get to the office faster on the subway than with Daniel.” I draped my bag over my chest and tucked my cell phone in the front pocket of my bag. “I’ll see you this evening for dinner.”

I adjusted the _kenzashi_ poked through my bun and rode the elevator down in silence. The Shaye who existed before would have been lost on her phone, unable to exist in any kind of silence. New York was the city of power walks and headphones and death stares at strangers. Tokyo was bigger, but the hustle seemed more orderly. The flow of people had some calm in the chaos. It had taught me to find the silence in the roar of noise. The Shaye who had come back from Japan was different. Perhaps, somehow, a little wiser and a little more in tune with the world.

I waved at Roy, the building manager who was sorting the morning mail. Teddy opened the door with a wide smile. “You look handsome this morning,” I said as I passed.

He grinned a little wider. “And you look happy, Miss Walker. Japan did you some good.”

“I think so,” I replied, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek.

“That young man of yours seemed to do you some good, too, from what I saw.” There was a twinkle in his eyes. “But of course, I don’t believe anything I read on Page Six.”

I turned and walked backward down the sidewalk. “Well… that you can believe. His name is Kenny, and he’s amazing.”

***

“You have to do _something_, Jeremy,” my mother shrilled. Her words were barely muffled by the heavy oak door of my father’s office. “She’s completely lost her mind.”

My father’s voice was calm where my mother’s was grating. “No, she most certainly hasn’t, Caroline. Shaye’s finally gone after something for herself.”

“She’s taken up with some amateur athlete! And not even a respectable one—polo or an appropriate society sport. No… he’s a wrestler.” My mother spat the word as if it tasted bitter in her mouth.

I didn’t want to listen to her talking about Kenny like that. She made him sound like he was some street urchin. My first day back at work had been exhausting, but in a wonderful way. It was good to see my friends and co-workers again and to tell them all about my trip to Japan. They’d seen the photos in the papers, just like everyone else who treated Page Six like it was Gospel. But, happily, they all just congratulated me on my conquest.

My father laughed. I knew that sound. It was the one that came out when he’d gotten the upper hand in a deal. “From what I hear, he isn’t an amateur. He’s the first Westerner to win the most prestigious tournament in Japan. This Kenny Omega and his friends are absolute stars there. She could certainly have done worse.”

It was quiet as I tiptoed by the door, desperate to get to my bedroom. Before I could completely get out of earshot, I heard my mother’s voice again. “She’s going to leave, Jeremy. She’s going to give up everything and go follow this boy.”

“I doubt he’s a boy, sweetheart. Besides, Shaye is twenty-eight years old. It’s time she left this gilded cage you’ve put her in.”

“She’s a Hearst. We’re born and bred for gilded cages. It’s time she accepted it, and that you stopped trying to forge her some key to freedom.”

***

I watched the slowly revolving grey circle on my computer screen, waiting for the call to connect. Even though I spoke to him every day, I missed the sight of him. There were times when I was overcome with the fear that I’d forget what he looked like. That I’d lose my memories of how his eyes sparkled when he smiled or the way he ran his fingertips over his lips when he was thinking. I missed him so much that it hurt sometimes.

The black screen flickered to life. The image was of a sparse hotel room with a double bed made up in white. The digital clock glowed sometime near midnight. I glanced at my own—almost three in the morning—and stifled a yawn. I’d gone to bed early so I could get a chance to see him.

“Just a minute, _Shaytan_!” Kenny called from somewhere in the room. I yawned again and sat up in bed, balancing my computer on my knees. He finally appeared, his hair dark and damp from a shower. His lips were curved in a soft smile that reminded me of the way he’d looked at me the first time he’d kissed me. “_Oyasumi, watashi no ai_.”

Heat rushed through me. I let my eyes take in everything about him. He looked just as I remembered. He sat in front of the computer in a threadbare Capcom t-shirt that he loved, his still damp hair curling against the nape of his neck. I grinned. “_Ohayō watashi no kokoro_.”

Kenny’s blue eyes widened. “Shit,” he swore, leaning back in his chair. “I’m sorry, _Shaytan._ I keep forgetting that you’re in New York. Go back to sleep. We can talk tomorrow afternoon before the show.”

I shook my head and smiled. “I’m already awake. And I’ve missed you.”

His expression softened. “I’ve missed you too.”

My heart skipped a beat. “How did the match go? And how are the Bucks?”

“We won. Nick got a little banged up, But nothing too bad.” Kenny grinned affectionately as he thought of his best friends. “Matt’s glad to be home. He’s seeing this girl and it’s getting serious.”

I thought of Matt Jackson and grinned. “She must be some girl.”

He relaxed, sinking down into the chair a little more. If I blocked out everything else, I could almost imagine that we were back at the shop on the corner near the Shinkowa where we had Vietnamese coffee every morning. The two of us, just a few inches apart. “Apparently they met at the airport a while back. Some mix up with Nick’s bag.”

I nodded. “Seems like all of you meet girls under serendipitous circumstances.”

Kenny chuckled and rubbed his palm over the side of his jaw. “Maybe we’re both just lucky. That or we have a knack for finding maidens in distress.”

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks to you, I’m not in much distress anymore.” Snuggling down beneath the blankets, I sighed contentedly. “Mother nearly died this morning when I told her I was taking the subway to work. I’d almost forgotten how much of a terror she can be.”

“You’ll have to prepare me for when I meet her,” he said seriously. “She sounds pretty formidable.”

“You’d have better luck with my dad. From what I heard tonight he’s looked you up.” I cocked my head and grinned a little. “He seemed pretty impressed that you won that tournament.”

Kenny blushed and looked away. There was something melancholy in his eyes for a moment, and I wondered if he was thinking about Kota. “It was the second-best moment of my life.”

I felt my brows lift. “Really? And what’s the best?”

His smile turned shy. He looked away for a brief moment and ran his hand through his hair, separating the curls. “Meeting you.”


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

_(GIF owned by omegaliciousss on Tumblr)_

I ran my hands over my duvet and sheets, smoothing away imaginary imperfections. Nervousness made my pulse quicken as I gave myself a once over in the mirror. It wasn’t that I’d spent forever putting on makeup or doing my hair. But I’d taken the time to twist my hair into a nice bun and put together something cute to wear. I could only hope that Kenny would think the same.

My parents were out for the night at a charity event with one of my mother’s blue-blooded friends. I had the apartment to myself, and I intended to make use of it.

I watched the clock and fussed over my hair and my outfit. My laptop sat on the nightstand, waiting. As the seconds ticked away, my heart thundered in my chest. I felt like I was sixteen, sneaking a boy into my room. There was something about it that made me giggle. Kenny had no idea what was in store for him.

A few moments passed before the chime on my computer filled the room. I took a deep breath, picked up my laptop, and carried it to my desk. After making sure that the camera was framed on my bed, I accepted the call. At first, it struggled to connect. And then, there he was. I grinned seeing Kenny against the background of a carved wooden headboard. He smiled, making his eyes light up. His curls were dark from a shower and fluffing as they dried.

“_Watashi no utsukushī koibito_,” he said, leaning back against the headboard. “I miss you, _Shaytan_.”

“_Watashi mo_,” I whispered.

He was quiet for a moment, his blue eyes looking me over. Heat ran over my cheeks under his attention. Kenny rubbed the back of his neck and grinned.

“You’re still practicing your Japanese,” he said proudly. “I wondered if you would.”

“Of course, I am. Someday… someday soon… I’m coming back to Japan with you.” The words came naturally, even though I hadn’t thought about the idea before. It seemed as if I’d been making the plan in my head before I even mentioned it out loud. “And who knows, maybe my father will open an office in Tokyo and need someone it for him.”

His grin got bigger, making his eyes crinkle. “So you’re going to move to Japan with the assumption that I’m always going to be there?” he teased. “What if I want to go stay in Winnipeg for a while?”

“I can’t imagine you voluntarily choosing to move away from Japan permanently, Kenny.” I replied seriously. “But if you wanted to… I wouldn’t stop you.”

Kenny tilted his head to the side, something sweet and warm slipping into his gaze. “_Shaytan,_” he murmured. “Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be. You know that.”

My cheeks burned with heat. I drank in the way he looked. His muscled arms and chest were on display in his shirt. I missed the way he held me with his strong arms. Wrapped up in him was the best way to fall asleep and the best way to wake up in the morning. God, I missed him.

Something mischievous burned in his blue eyes. “You look beautiful. _Delicious_ even.” He let out that little growl that I associated with running my fingers through his hair and tugging on those beautiful curls. If I closed my eyes, I could almost feel them slipping against my hands. And, if I let my thoughts take control, the sensation was joined with the barely there pressure of his mouth against my skin and his fingers stroking my flesh.

I let out a sigh even as I tried to catch my breath at the power of the memory.

“I’ve missed that sound, _koibito_.” His voice dropped, vibrating through his chest. Kenny licked his lips and I fought to stop myself from whimpering. “I remember the last time I got you to make that sound. You don’t know how often I think about it.”

I drew a deep breath and caught my bottom lip between my teeth. My heart jumped within my chest as I drew up my courage. “_Kentan_,” I whispered before smiling softly and tugging the knot loose on my robe.

I’d bought an Elite shirt and made some modifications. I’d slashed it up and turned it into something that was practically a flimsy excuse for a bra. Then, I’d searched through my minimal lingerie stash to find a pair of lacy black boy shorts. Even over a computer, I could feel his eyes raking over me. It was a heady, physical sensation that made me whine softly.

Kenny bit his lip. “Oh, Shaye…”

My body warmed at the desperation in his darkened eyes. I pushed away from the table and stood, backing up to the edge of my bed. Kenny watched me hungrily, and all the anxiety of what I’d planned melted away.

“I’ve missed you so much, _Kentan_,” I said as I leaned against the end of the mattress. My palms brushed against my hips and thighs, swept up over my stomach and tickled beneath my breasts. “Remember the last night we were together in Japan?”

My fingers slid beneath the bottom of my shirt and tugged it up. I peeled it over my head and snuck a peek at Kenny. He’d slumped back in his chair, eyes hooded, lips parted. There was a look of desperate desire in his eyes. I sighed softly as my fingers slipped along my flesh, cupping my breasts.

“Jesus Christ,” he growled. He scrubbed his hand over his face as I turned in a slow circle, glancing over my shoulder at him. I caught a glimpse of myself in the corner of the screen. There was something erotically innocent about it. I blushed and looked away. “You’re torturing me, _Shaytan_.”

With my back still to him, I hooked my thumbs into my underwear and wriggled them down my hips. The growl turned to a groan. When the fabric fluttered against the floor, I kicked it away. I reached up and pulled the _kanzashi _from the bun in my hair, letting it fall over my shoulders.

The moment I turned around, the only thing I could focus on was the sight of Kenny, shirtless and licking his lips. His chest rose and fell as he tried to catch his breath. “What are you doing?”  
I let my lips tip up into an innocent smile as I sat on the mattress and scooted back up onto the bed. My teeth sank into my lip as I watched him, waiting to see what he was going to do. The intensity of his focus was dizzying.

My voice dropped when I spoke. “What do you _want_ me to do, _Kentan_?”

Kenny ran one hand over his beard as he moved back from the computer, letting me see more of him. The other hand went to the waistband of his shorts. There was no hiding the shape of his hardening cock beneath the fabric. Reflexively, my tongue swept over my lips and I squeezed my thighs together. My body felt like it was burning from the inside out, and I was painfully desperate to feel Kenny’s fingers against my skin.

Before I could stop myself, my hands skimmed along my neck and down over my breasts. I squeezed them, pinched my nipples until I moaned. I kept my eyes on Kenny as my fingers crept lower. My thighs fell open, and Kenny swore.

“Fuck.” I watched as Kenny pushed his shorts down and wrapped his hand around his cock. His eyelids fluttered as he stroked himself. I watched the muscles in his chest and arm flex and let myself imagine that he was beside me, that it was his fingers that were stroking my center.

His breath hitched, and I drowned in the moans and groans and growls that poured from my computer speakers. I circled my clit and whimpered, trying my best to touch myself like Kenny had that last night in Japan.

Time passed in lightspeed slow motion. Tension coiled low in my body, tightening with every touch of my fingers. The ache was wonderful, drawing me back into the nights I’d spent learning my own body with Kenny as my teacher. When, at last, I couldn’t hold on any longer, I brushed my thumb over my clit and felt myself shatter. Heat and warmth spilled into my limbs as I tumbled over the edge of my orgasm.

Kenny’s eyes were glued to the screen, watching every touch and stroke and shudder of my body as I came for him. His hand moved over his cock as he watched. A sense of power and pride took root in my chest as I arched up, pumping his fist over his cock. Growling, groaning, and swearing, he came. I couldn’t help but lick my lips when I took in the glistening droplets on his stomach.

My knees were weak when I stood, but I gathered up my clothes and the computer. Once I was dressed, I curled up on my side on my bed. Kenny had disappeared, looking slightly embarrassed as he went to clean himself up. While I waited, I closed my fingers around the silk pouch that went everywhere with me. Inside was the charm from the _Okuninushi-no-mikoto_ shrine.

The jostle of the screen caught my attention. A moment later, Kenny was stretched out in his bed once again. He grinned at me, his fingers brushing the camera for a moment. I did the same, tears burning my eyes.

“I love you, Kenny,” I said at last. “And I miss you so much.”

He blinked and turned his face into his pillow. “You won’t be missing me much longer, _koibito_. I’ll be in New York for a few days next week.”


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

_(GIF owned by stardust79260 on Tumblr)_

“Kenny!” The moment I saw him in the terminal, I couldn’t help but scream. It felt as if I hadn’t seen him in years, even though it had only been a few months. Before I could stop myself, I took off running.

He dropped his bags as I ran at him, leaping into his arms and wrapping my legs around his waist. Kenny hugged me so tightly that it felt like my ribs were going to crack, but I didn’t care. He buried his nose in my hair and squeezed me in a bear hug.

“I’ve missed you so much, Shaye,” he said against my ear. The sound of it sent shivers down my spine. I hung onto him harder. “_Kamiyo, anata ga inakute sabishīdesu._”

My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice rising and falling in the sweet tones of Japanese. Tears prickled my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. “You’re here. You’re really here.”

He grinned and bumped his nose against mine. “I’m here, _Shaytan_.”

I pressed my lips against his and let out a happy yelp. “You’re black and blue!” I ran my fingers over his curls. Where once they had been a mix of brown and blond, they were now black with bright streaks of blue. It took a few moments to adjust, but the more I looked the more I realized that it was so perfectly him.

“I love it,” I grinned. My heart swelled at the sight of him. I ran my fingers through his hair again, feeling my smile get bigger with every passing second. “I love it and I love you.”

Kenny sat me on my feet and cradled my face in his hands. His blue eyes were clear and bright as he looked me over. “I love you too, Shaye Walker. So very much.”

I took a deep breath. “Are you ready for this? For my New York?”

He laced our fingers together. “I’m ready for anything with you.”

***

The black town car that my mother insisted that I take sat on the curb outside the airport. Daniel, the family driver, took Kenny’s beaten hard top suitcase and tucked it into the trunk. Kenny looked sheepish as we slid into the back seat. He had his ever-present messenger bag strapped over his chest. I grinned and reached for his hand, desperate to feel the rough callouses of his fingertips against my skin.

“Are you okay?” I asked softly, leaning against his shoulder.

Kenny smiled slowly and squeezed my fingers. “I guess this is how you felt that first day in Tokyo.”

I laughed. “Not nearly that bad. I promise you, it was way worse when I didn’t know the language.” I took a deep breath and sighed. “You don’t have to do this, _Kentan_. We can spend this weekend together and you never have to see my parents.”

He turned and took my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “I’m more scared of this moment than any other moment in my life, Shaye. I want them to like me… to approve of me for you. But if you don’t want me to meet them, I understand.” There was something sad in his eyes, something that reminded me of how he looked when we sat in the hotel and he told me the story of Kota Ibushi.

I turned in my seat to look at him. My palm settled against his face, thumb stroking the line of his cheekbone. He leaned into my touch, nuzzling his beard into my hand. “That’s not what I mean at all, _Kentan_. I’m not ashamed of you. Not one little bit. My parents are just a lot to handle.”

His lashes fluttered as he closed his eyes. He slipped his fingers along my jaw and let them settle in the hair at the nape of my neck. He drew me close and pressed our foreheads together. “You are everything I’ve ever wanted, _koibito_. Everything.”

I leaned into him, wanting to cling to him and never let go. I’d missed him more than I could say. There weren’t words enough to describe how lonely and empty I had felt without him. I loved him so desperately and so completely that it overwhelmed me.

“Daniel, change of plans,” I said suddenly. I gave him the address of Kenny’s hotel.

***

The moment the door slipped closed behind us, Kenny dropped his bags and gathered me in his arms. One hand skimmed along my back and slipped beneath the hem of my shirt. The other curled around the back of my neck and dug into my hair. His fingers wrapped in it, tilting my head as he settled his mouth against mine. Kenny kissed me fiercely and desperately. He nipped my bottom lip and then swept his tongue over the sting.

His breath came in pants as he stroked his fingertips down my throat. Kenny swept his hand along my jaw and traced his thumb over my kiss-swollen lips. He smiled softly, his eyes bright and clear. “_Watashi no kokoro,_” he murmured. “Come to bed with me?”

I smiled, settling my palms against his ribs. My heart skipped a beat. “You never have to ask, _Kentan_.” I took his hand and threaded our fingers together, pulling him toward the bed that stood in the middle of the room.

At the foot of the bed, I turned toward him and tugged my shirt off over my head. Kenny pulled me against him and settled his lips against my throat. He nipped at the place where my shoulder and neck met as he pushed the straps of my bra down my arms. I reached back and undid the clasp, so the fabric slithered off and to the floor. Kenny groaned and bent me backwards, his mouth traveling slowly down my chest and along the flesh of my breasts. I whimpered and fisted my fingers in his shirt, tugging it up and touching the heat of his skin.

Kenny skimmed one hand down my hip and over my thigh. He curled them around the outside of my knee and pulled my leg up over his hip. I felt the hardening length of his cock against me and whimpered a little louder. Kenny laughed, low and dark in his chest. “Lie down on the bed, _Shaytan_.”

I sat on the edge of the bed as Kenny tore his shirt off over his head. My heart skipped a beat as he looked down at me with an insatiable hunger in his eyes. He leaned down and kissed me gently, his fingers brushing along my cheek. Heat burned through my cheeks as he pressed me back into the mattress and deftly slid my pants and underwear down. I shivered as the cool air of the room ran over my feverish skin.

He grinned. “You’re still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he whispered as he knelt at the end of the bed. His fingers skimmed up my legs, spreading them open as he tugged me toward him. I barely had a moment to take a breath before he lowered his head between my thighs and licked along my center. My back arched up off the bed as he pressed his tongue further, searching for and finding my clit with ease. He flicked his tongue against it as he sucked and teased.

“_Kentan_,” I moaned, my fingers digging into the blankets as I writhed beneath him. Fire burned along the base of my spine. It bubbled through my blood as he looked up the length of my body.

“Hold on to me, _koibito_,” he murmured against my thigh. “Hold on to me.”

I gasped for breath as I pushed my fingers into his hair. He growled and dove back between my thighs. Kenny moved, licked, sucked, and nipped until my fingers curled in his hair and tugged. I arched up off the mattress, whimpering as he drove me closer and closer to the edge. He scraped his teeth against my clit and I squealed as I tumbled over into an orgasm that sucked the air out of my lungs.

Kenny smirked as he stood. His eyes turned dark as he loosened his belt, snapped the button, and dropped the zipper of his jeans. I watched his tongue slide over his lips. “I’ve missed you so much, Shaye,” he murmured as he climbed onto the mattress.

I reached for him, twining my arms around his neck. It was like seeing him for the first time all over again. He slotted his hips into place and hovered over me. His fingers dug into the flesh of my thigh and pulled me into the position he wanted.

“Don’t look away, _Shaytan_,” he begged. “Look at me.”

My gaze locked with his as he pushed forward, pressing his cock slowly into me. I arched into him, eyelids fluttering as he bottomed out. He slipped one arm beneath the small of my back, pulling me closer. In an instant, Kenny rolled over onto his back, carrying me with him until I sat straddled across his lap. The position slotted him even deeper inside me, ripping a low moan from my chest.

I gazed down at Kenny and felt my heart race with joy and love. His eyes were dark, pupils blown wide in arousal, barely a ring of blue visible around the edges. His curls were a stark contrast to the crisp white pillows. I pressed my palms against his chest, my nails digging into the flesh of his pectorals.

He hissed through his teeth, his jaw clenching as I rocked and circled my hips. Kenny walked his fingers up the outside of my thighs, curled them into the soft curves of my hips. He skimmed his hands up my back and around my ribs. Then he took my hands in his, lacing our fingers together. I watched his tongue sweep over his bottom lip and thought of those lips and that tongue on my flesh. My body squeezed around him. He swore.

“Fuck,” he whispered, lifting his hips beneath me, grinding himself deeper inside me. “_Kussuru_. Give in, Shaye. Please.”

I licked my lips and rocked against him, lifting my hips and grinding back down. With every stroke, I picked up speed, rolling and circling my hips when I reached bottom. Kenny threw his head back, his neck arching off the pillows, tendon and muscle standing out as he clenched his teeth.

My breath came in soft pants. “I’ve missed this,” I sighed, leaning forward a little. “I’ve missed you… your hands… your lips.”

A deep, rumbling growl came out of him. He pulled his hands from mine, gripped me by the hips and practically threw me onto my back. His nimble fingers laced with mine again, pulling my arms up and pinning them over my head as he thrust back into me. I writhed beneath him as he thrust forward, pressing his cock into me harder and faster. I hooked my legs over his hips and whimpered with every movement.

Kenny settled his forehead against mine, the tender gesture a deep contrast to the desperate and nearly brutal way he pounded into me. Every move made my body shudder. My nerves sang beneath his strength and desire. Each stroke pushed me higher and higher, tightening that coil that settled low in my stomach.

“Come for me, Shaye,” he purred. “I haven’t seen you… _felt_ you in so long. Come for me.”

His sweet words set flame to the gasoline burning in my veins. The tension with in me snapped like lightning. I arched upward, panting and whimpering as Kenny thrust through every wave of pleasure, prolonging it, dragging it out until it was almost painful. His name dripped from my lips with every breath.

Kenny hid his face against my neck as he slipped out of rhythm, bucking his hips harder as he chased his own release. He chanted the syllables of my name against my ear, growling softly as he came. Heat spilled deep within me, and I felt a desperate sense of joy.

We lay curled around one another for a long while afterward. He rolled onto his side and drew the blankets up over our bodies. I hummed in happiness as he dusted sweet, faint kisses along my jaw, my cheeks, my lips. My fingers ran through his curls, memorizing the new shades and hues.

“Now,” he said after a while, a playful smile on his lips. “What should I wear to meet your parents?”


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

_(GIF owned by leelakoiwolff on Tumblr)_

“This really isn’t necessary,” I reminded him again as we stepped out of the back of my family’s town car. The building where I’d grown up suddenly seemed to loom over us, soaring into the sky and hovering there. My parents were up there, and they were waiting. “We can turn around right now.”

Kenny grinned and slipped his hand into mine. The roughened pad of his thumb skimmed the back of my hand as he squeezed reassuringly. “_Shaytan_,” he murmured. “I want to do this. You spent so much time in my world. It’s time that I took a trip into yours.”

I sighed. “If you want that, then you’re going to have to wait for a big society party where it’s two thousand a plate and black tie.” I cringed at the thought of slipping back into that world. That was the _last_ thing I wanted to do anymore. “But we’re not going there, so I suppose this will have to do.”

“Everything will be fine,” he promised, leaning down to kiss the top of my head.

Teddy grinned as we stepped under the awning and came up to the door. He stood up a little straighter, something bright in his twinkling eyes. I watched as he swept his eyes over Kenny, judging the way he stood in his black slacks, white button down, and blazer. It wasn’t fancy—and honestly far away from what my parents would be wearing when we made it upstairs—but he looked handsome. _Presentable_ my mother would say with a sneer. But the corner of Teddy’s mouth tipped up in an approving smile. He touched the brim of his hat with his fingertips and gave a little nod.

“Miss Walker,” he said, stepping toward the door. His gloved hand wrapped around the polished brass handle. “Sir.”

I rolled my eyes. “How many times do I have to tell you, Teddy? My name is Shaye.” I glanced up at Kenny, a smile spilling over my face. “And this is Kenny.”

Teddy smiled broadly. “So you’ve said, Miss Walker,” he teased. “Pleased to meet you, sir.” He touched his fingers to his cap again.

Kenny smiled and bowed slightly at the waist. I’d seen him do it a thousand times in Japan. There was something old fashioned about the way Kenny and Teddy communicated, like something out of another time.

Teddy pulled the door wide and gestured us inside. He gave me a reassuring grin as we slipped past him into the lobby. I waved at the desk attendant as I hurried Kenny across the marbled floors to the elevators. God knew I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. Not so much for my own sake, but for Kenny’s.

The elevator seemed to rise through the building faster than normal. When we finally stepped out into the foyer of my parents’ apartment, it felt as if only a fraction of a second had passed. My heart thumped painfully behind my ribs, rushing in my ears. I could feel the heat on my face and the anxiety rushing through my veins.

I stopped on the threshold and turned to Kenny, my brow furrowed with worry. My fingers tightened around his. “We can still run, _Kentan_. I’d rather get lost in your world for the rest of my life than bring you into this one.”

A shadow darkened Kenny’s bright blue eyes. “Do you not want me to meet them? Is that what this is about?”

“No!” I exclaimed quietly. “It isn’t that, Kenny. I swear. It’s just… well, I’m not so worried about you meeting my father. He seems to like you already—he was thoroughly impressed that you won the G1. It’s my mother. I love her, but she’s a snob. She’s a real New York blue blood and she wants everyone to know it. She’s going to be rude to you, I just know it.”

Kenny chuckled, the fear and doubt slipping out of his gaze. “_Koibito_, I’m sure that there’s nothing your mother could say to me or about me that would bother me. I’ve probably heard much worse from the people who don’t like me in the business. Besides, as much as I want your parents to like me—to approve of me—it’s only _your_ opinion that really matters.”

He smiled and brushed his free hand along my cheek. I let my eyes drift closed as I settled against his touch. His lips ghosted along my forehead as he slipped his fingers into my hair at the base of my skull. Warmth radiated off him, seeping into my body and heating me from the inside out. His calm certainty that what my parents said wouldn’t change anything settled some of the nerves playing havoc in my stomach.

“We’ve faced worse, don’t you think?” he whispered against my hair.

I felt the small, swift smile that raced over my face. “Ask me that after this is over.”

My heart skipped a beat as I pushed the door open. I heard the swift intake of breath from Kenny at my side and fought not to turn and run, towing him behind me. I glanced at him and saw pain in the tight corners of his mouth. He blinked hard, eyes glassy.

“_Kentan_?” My fingers closed around his tightly, tugging him to a stop. “What’s wrong?”

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he gathered me into his arms. “This place reminds me of something, that’s all.”

My heart climbed into my throat. “Him?” I couldn’t bring myself to say his name. I couldn’t conjure him in this place, not where I’d once felt as if the world revolved around New York. Now, it revolved around wherever Kenny was, and I didn’t have the courage to bring Kota Ibushi into this moment.

Kenny’s curls bounced with his one curt nod. He settled his nose against my hair, breathing deep the scent of my shampoo. His fingers dug into the base of my spine and the flesh between my shoulder blades as he clutched me against his chest. I curled my arms around him, holding him as surely as he held me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered against his shoulder.

He kissed my temple and stood back. “Don’t be, _koibito_. It’s okay.”

Before I could answer, I heard the distinct _click click click_ of my mother’s heels on the floor. She looked every inch the New York blue blood as she came closer. Her hair was coiled up at the nape of her neck, diamond earrings glittering against the darkness of her hair, a heavy pearl necklace around her throat. She wore a dark navy slip dress and matching stilettos. Her makeup was done to perfection, but it couldn’t disguise the disapproval in her eyes.

“Well,” she said the moment she stopped in front of us. She looked Kenny over with a vicious, intimidating glare, taking in the clothes he wore and the way his curls were always slightly out of control. The corner of her mouth twitched in disapproval. Her gaze swept to me. “Your brother is home.”

A sudden, severe wave of relief slipped through me. If Damon was here, it wouldn’t be too horrible. After all, he tended to soak up most of our mother’s displeasure.

“And he’s very… _excited_,” she nearly spit the word out as she glanced at Kenny, “to meet you.”

He straightened and put on the smile that made my heart turn sideways in my chest. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Walker. You have a lovely home.”

My mother’s brow lifted in surprise. She watched Kenny for a moment, appraising him once again. “Hmm… we’ll see, Mr. Omega. This way.”


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

_(GIF owned by kennyisanomega on Tumblr)_

I was sure Kenny could feel my fingers trembling as we followed my mother. He squeezed my hand and drew it up to his lips, brushing a faint kiss on the knuckles. All I wanted was to turn and run, to snatch what personal stuff I could and follow Kenny back to Japan. To go back to when I had been happy, and the world of New York City was just a distant memory.

“_Shaytan,_” he whispered, leaning in close so that my mother wouldn’t hear. “It’s going to be fine. I promise, _koibito_. I’ve faced worse.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “No, you haven’t.” He squeezed my fingers playfully.

“Damon Alexander Walker,” my mother practically snarled as she rounded the corner into the _formal_ sitting room. My heart slipped down past my stomach toward my toes. No one ever used this room unless they were pulling the old New York blue blood money card. “What in the world is wrong with you?”

“Mom, chillax,” came my brother’s voice. It was a little deeper and more gravely than it used to be. “It’s Shaye and her boyfriend. You’re the one who’s trying to act like there’s some big deal going on.”

I couldn’t help but feel a stab of affection for my baby brother. He was more trouble than he was worth sometimes, but I loved him. And he was exactly what I needed just then. My hand closed a little tighter on Kenny’s as we slipped into the room behind my mother.

My brother had thick, dark hair that settled in a mop of curls on his head. He had brown eyes that were calmer than his behavior suggested. He was all easy smiles and mischief, until it turned from innocent to criminal. Damon was everything the Hearst Walker dynasty wasn’t. Metal band t-shirts, ripped jeans, Chucks, skateboards, and spikes. My brother walked to the beat of his own drum, and my parents hated it.

“Sha-sha!” Damon said when I appeared from behind our mother. His face lit up in a bright, easy grin. He had on dark purple eyeliner and his fingernails were painted alternately white and black. I watched his eyes get bigger and brighter as he saw who was standing next to me. “Holy fucking shit!”

“Damon!” My mother hissed, cutting her eyes between my brother and Kenny. “Please, for the love of God, act as if you have some sense of propriety.”

I grinned, wanting to rush across the room and snatch him up in a hug. I loved my brother desperately in that moment, not only because he drew the attention from Kenny and me, but because he was desperately honest with himself in a way that I wished I were. Kenny squeezed my fingers and drew me closer. From the corner of my eye, I saw him smile.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Damon,” Kenny said, his voice bright with playfulness. “_Shaytan_ has told me stories of your… adventures.”

I bit my bottom lip to keep from grinning. _Adventures_ was a nice way to put the trouble my brother had gotten into in his lifetime. My mother’s face went an interesting shade of puce as Damon smiled back. “Ah, betcha Sha-sha hid most of it. She’s always makin’ me look better than I am.”

“Your sister is the only one who sees any sort of promise in you,” my mother replied as she walked to a sidebar and poured herself a drink. “But God only knows why.”

She held a glass toward us, tipping her brows up as she offered. I waved my hand in dismissal. “No, thank you, Momma. Kenny doesn’t drink.”

“Straight edge?” Damon queried. Kenny dipped his head in agreement. “Right on. Power to you, dude.”

“It’s not an easy thing to do in my line of work,” Kenny responded. “But it’s worth it.”

“Good Lord,” my mother stage whispered. She splashed another shot of bourbon into her glass, swirling it around. She knocked it back and repeated the process.

I tugged Kenny across the room to sit on the sofa beside Damon. My brother’s eyes got wider as Kenny sank down in the space between us. “Seriously,” Kenny said as he sat back against the cushions. “You gotta get off that stuff. All of it.”

As the two of them slipped into a conversation, I turned my gaze toward the mahogany door that led to my father’s study. I was desperate for him to come into the room to save me from my mother and her blue blood insanity. Just as he always did when I was a child. It didn’t matter to him that he was a Pitzer, or that Mother was a Hearst, it only mattered that we were a family. 

Sometimes, I wondered if that’s why he was away on business trips so much. Being a Hearst was the center of my mother’s identity—or it least it had become that way as I’d gotten older—and she seemed to spend more time flexing her Old Money than my father wanted. The pressure must have gotten to him more than he ever let on in front of us.

“Listen…” Kenny’s voice broke through the thoughts turning sideways in my head. “I’ll make you a deal, Damon. Get off it… _all_ of it… and I’ll fly you to Japan. An entire week. And I’ll show you around, just like I did with Shaye.”

“Kenny…” I said carefully, drawing the word out. “I don’t think…”

My brother sat up straight, his face going serious. He watched Kenny for a few moments then nodded and stuck out his hand. “Deal.”

Kenny gripped Damon’s fingers and smiled. “Stay outta trouble, and I’ll get you into the Tokyo Dome.”

Before any of us could say another word, the door of my father’s study opened, and he slipped into the formal sitting room. Jeremy Pitzer Walker was almost six foot four, his hair still thick and naturally dark at fifty-four. He had eyes a shade lighter than Damon’s, but the same easy smile. There was a soft curl to his mouth as he rolled his shirtsleeves up to his elbows.

“Well, sorry I’ve kept you. Hope you haven’t been waiting long,” my father said as he crossed the room. I saw Kenny wipe his palms on his pants before he stood. “No, please, don’t get up. I’m Jeremy, Shaye’s father.”

Kenny stood anyway, holding his hand out toward my father. The two of them shook hands, and I could see by my father’s slight nod that he was impressed. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

“Call me Jeremy, please,” my father crooned, grinning as he leaned in. He gripped Kenny’s elbow and drew him a little closer. “I’m sorry about all this. Caroline goes a little overboard.”

I rolled my eyes and covered my mouth with my hand, coughing to stifle my laughter. Damon didn’t even try to hide it. “Overboard? Dad, Mom’s insane.” My brother turned toward Kenny and grinned. “The last time we used _this_ room… it was a governor or something. Seriously…”

“At least one of us remembers that we have an image to uphold,” my mother replied, knocking back what I thought was her third or fourth whiskey. “God forbid the three of you act like you remember who you are.”

“We remember exactly who we are, darling,” my father said as he stepped over to my mother and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Has Noel finished dinner?”

Kenny looked sideways at me, his gaze sliding back and forth between me and my parents. “You have a cook?”

“And a maid. And a driver, but you’ve met him,” Damon answered, his grin getting bigger. “They’ve both got personal secretaries—but Dad works for an investment firm, so he needs one. Mom’s is mostly for… _social engagements_ and _society events_. You know really ‘important’ stuff.”

Damon had no shame and absolutely no sense of self-preservation. I was one hundred percent certain that if Kenny hadn’t been there, my mother would have torn my little brother into shreds. I watched her grip her glass just as a petite blonde woman turned the corner. I cringed at the sight of her starched white jacket and black slacks. _Jesus Christ_, I thought as I rubbed my fingertips over my brow. _She’s made Noel wear a uniform. _

“Dinner is served,” Noel said formally. She looked stiff and uncomfortable. I hated everything about being a Hearst-Pitzer-Walker more in that moment than ever before.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

_(GIF owned by kennyisanomega on Tumblr)_

I took a deep breath as my mother tipped her chin up and practically stalked toward the doorway. It seemed like it was a night where I needed steady oxygen support, more than usual at least. My father shook his head, a faint indulgent smile on his face and his shoulders relaxed as he followed after my mother. He nodded toward Damon, gesturing for him to follow right behind.

My brother grinned and fell in behind him, walking backward so he could talk to Kenny and me. “Mom’s completely lost it,” he said, circling his finger around his temple. “It’s like she’s trying to run you off with all this stuff. That and make you feel really, really, _really_ small.”

I felt the blood drain from my face. For a moment, the room spun around me. Caroline Hearst Walker was expertly skilled at one thing, and it was making people feel miniscule in her presence. If that was her goal, I didn’t want to put Kenny through it. I just wanted to run.

Kenny’s hand slipped into mine, his fingers threading in the spaces between my own. He tugged gently to turn my attention to him. “It’s okay,” he said, the words directed at me even as he looked at Damon. “I don’t scare that easy. And I know people _way_ worse than your mother. Makes all this look like a studio apartment.”

“Dude,” Damon muttered, his dark eyes going wide with wonder, “you really are a badass.”

Before Kenny could respond, my mother’s voice practically roared through the hallway. “Don’t keep us waiting!” I rolled my eyes. She sounded like a hateful harpy, and it embarrassed me to no end.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, leaning against Kenny’s shoulder to hide my face. “She’s being more horrible than I imagined.”

Kenny pressed a kiss to the top of my head and squeezed my hand reassuringly. “I told you, _koibito_, I’ve faced more formidable foes than your mother. Plus, I have you with me.”

Damon snapped his fingers. “He’s a keeper, Sha-sha.”

***

By the time Kenny, Damon, and I walked into the dining room, my parents were already seated at the head and foot of the table. My mother sat on the edge of her seat, back stiff and straight. On the other end, my father sat comfortably in his chair, already looking exasperated by her behavior.

“You two,” my father said, gesturing to Kenny and I, “come sit by me.” He pointed to the chairs on his right and left. Kenny and I plopped down across the table from each other. I tried to breathe through my racing heart. Kenny looked perfectly at ease.

I envied him.

“You look happy,” my father said after a few moments of silence. He leaned toward me, his voice was too quiet for anyone else to hear. “He’s good for you, I think.”

I smiled, feeling more at ease now that he was here to buffer my mother’s blue blood insanity. “Kenny is… he’s everything I’ve never had the courage to want.”

My father sighed. “I blame your mother for that,” he mumbled. A breath later, he shook his head. “But I’m to blame too. This life is to blame.”

Noel appeared with a bottle of wine in her hand. She stepped smoothly up to the table at my mother’s right side and carefully poured a perfect glass. Mother sniffed, didn’t say thank you. Noel moved on, pouring one for Damon, then myself, and my father. Kenny saw her coming and smiled charmingly.

“I’ll have water, if that’s alright,” he requested. Noel faltered, her cheeks going pink. I watched her stutter and back away, turning to walk briskly to the kitchen.

She returned a moment later with a bottle of Perrier. She kept her eyes down as she filled his glass, leaving the half-full bottle on the table nearby. Once more, she disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a wide silver tray with five pristine china plates of salad. She placed them in front of us one by one, then sat out six small bowls of different kinds of dressing.

As she sat the plate in front of Kenny, he looked up with a grateful smile, pressed his hands together, and said “_Itadakimasu_.” Noel faltered again. He blushed a little. “Thank you.”

She nodded and then, without a word, she melted into the background.

I felt another spike of hatred for what my mother was doing. We’d had our disagreements before, and I loved my Momma, but my mother was a beast of an entirely different sort. She was too much.

My father leaned his forearms on the table as he picked at his salad. His head was tilted toward me. “I love your mother, Shaye,” he murmured, side-eyeing her at the far end of the table. “I married her because she understood what it was like to have the burden of a name that was New York royalty. But I wish I’d fought harder to get the two of you out of the city. I wanted to raise both of you upstate. To give you some sense of a normal life.”

“Damon, for God’s sake, act like you have some sense,” my mother snapped, pulling the two of us out of our conversation. I looked over to see my brother sitting cross legged in his chair, smirking. Something whispered that he was keeping her attention occupied and off Kenny and me.

I smiled across the table at Kenny, remembering the unusual existence that I’d had when I’d been in Japan with him. How happy I’d been beneath the stars and neon lights of Tokyo. How much I desperately wanted to go back.

“Normal life doesn’t seem to suit me,” I replied. “I’m more suited to a more… nomadic lifestyle, I think.” 

My father glanced from me to Kenny. The two of them looked at each other for a long moment before one of them spoke. “You’re a unique gentleman, Kenny. Those matches with Okada… those were impressive.” My father leaned toward him, smiling openly. “You show a lot of heart and passion. Do you like what you do?”

Kenny smiled in return, although I could tell he was trying to look humble. “Yes, sir. At one point, I was training for the NHL. Then a family friend introduced me to wrestling. I was good at it. I loved it, and I still do.”

“Why Japan?” The salads disappeared. Bowls of soup took their place. I felt my body relax at the scent of potato, onion, and thick creamy broth.

Unconsciously, my eyes caught Kenny’s. I knew this story, the why and how of his decision to move to Japan. Pain flashed over his face as he thought back over the years before me. An image of warm almond eyes and shaggy mahogany hair floated to the forefront of my mind. It triggered an ache deep behind my ribs. For a moment, I thought I was going to puke.

“Japan takes wrestling very seriously. Not that people here don’t, but it is much more of a competitive sport and true theatrical storytelling there,” Kenny replied slowly, as if he were choosing his words carefully. “The best in the world compete there. I knew if I wanted to be the best, I had to compete against the best. So that’s where I went. I’ve been—I don’t know if I’d say _lucky_—rewarded let’s say for the work I’ve put in. And I’ve made some very, very good friends.”

Conversation died out for a while after that. My mother sat like ice at the foot of the table, alternately glaring at Kenny, my father, and then me. She hardly touched her food. I did my best to ignore her. And, when the silence became too much, I asked Damon about school. Suffice it to say, he had incredibly strong opinions about being shipped off to a boarding school in Norway.

The soup was replaced by a grilled chicken and braised vegetable entrée, then a vanilla bean ice cream with crystalized pineapples and chocolate sauce. Not long after the dessert was set in front of us, my father grinned.

“Welcome to the family, Kenny,” he said enthusiastically. “Whenever you’re in New York, you have a place to stay. Your friends, too. We’ve got plenty of room.”

“We most certainly do _not_,” my mother shrieked from the other end of the table. “How can you say such a thing, Jeremy? There is nothing about this boy that is appropriate for this family! And I don’t want the rest of those amateur ruffians in my house!”

The room got quiet. So still I swore I could hear it if a feather dropped. I wished I could take Kenny’s hand. That we could run out of here and never come back. I was absolutely certain that I was about to throw up everything I’d just eaten.

“The only thing inappropriate right now is your behavior, Caroline,” my father spit back. He took a sharp breath and turned his attention to me. “You’re a grown woman, Shaye. Your life is whatever you want it to be. And if Kenny is what you want, then take it. I will support you in _any_ choice that you make.”

My mother shot out of her seat, scowling. “You might as well pack her bags for her, Jeremy. She’s going to go right back to Japan with _him_ and act like she has no sense of her family responsibilities.”

“Maybe,” he replied. “But at least I can assure that she’ll come home every once in a while. If you have your way, she’ll leave and we’ll never see her again. And that’s the end of it.”

Damon clapped and whooped. “Go Dad!”

“Shut up, Damon,” my mother and I exclaimed together.


End file.
